Soft Focus
by scifiromance
Summary: The 'curse of the holodeck' strikes again for Kathryn, B'Elanna and Seven! Their simple game of Velocity is turned upside down by a malfunction and they find themselves being thrown between programmes, including the cliché holonovela romances no one wants to admit to ever running... Canon pairings. Crew wide friendship and banter. :) Co-authored with TheLadyMage!
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: Thank you to The Lady Mage for not only giving me this idea but helping me so much with it through beta reading and lots of fun conversations. Check out her brilliant story, 'Falleretque Perfectus'. :)**

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"At what level should I set the difficulty?" Seven asked as she dialled commands into Holodeck 2's central command console to reset the standard Velocity court to accommodate three players.

"Some would say having three players is difficult enough." The Captain remarked gaily as she completed the obligatory set of stretches to warm up her muscles.

Seven realised the Captain knew the game well enough, she had introduced her to it after all, that she was well aware that Velocity's rules allowed for up to ten players in one game if desired, so she merely arched an eyebrow and responded, "I doubt that opinion could be attributed to any of the three of us."

"You've got that right." B'Elanna said with a smiling snort. Tom would've probably put a bet on there being no one on Voyager as competitive as the three of them. "If it's too much for you Seven, I'm sure Chakotay would play hover ball with you when he gets off Bridge duty, that's much more his speed."

"He plays Velocity…" Seven had automatically raised a defence of her boyfriend's (she still questioned the appropriateness of this term, given that Chakotay was very much a _man_ ) capabilities but her in-built, sometimes problematic, sense of honesty thwarted her and she closed her mouth again. B'Elanna and the Captain both laughed, with Janeway putting a conciliatory hand on Seven's arm.

"He does play Velocity." She agreed with a smile, "Just not well." She couldn't stop her eyes from rolling slightly at the memory of their one attempt at a game and B'Elanna snickered. "But no one can be good at every sport."

"No." Seven conceded readily enough, though the set of her shoulders said clearly enough she would prefer to believe herself an honourable exception as she turned to B'Elanna, "We are playing hover ball regularly, the next time he competes against you, he will win."

B'Elanna blew out a breath of air as she rocked back on her heels complacently. "Can't wait." She replied drily, even as her lips curved up again. "At least Chakotay isn't a couch potato, Tom always wants to watch movies when I could be whipping him into shape to thrash the two of you at hover ball."

"Has Miral imbibed Tom's love of the 'flicks' yet?" The Captain asked as she handed out the little Velocity pistols that had materialised next to her.

B'Elanna shrugged, though her eyes lit up unmistakably at the mention of her daughter. "What one year old doesn't love moving, flashing, colourful pictures in front of her? That's what I keep telling Tom. Knowing him he's probably got her sitting at the TV right now." She shook her head fondly, "At least cartoons were made for kids, Tom doesn't have that excuse…"

"He may also have her on his lap at the conn., learning to pilot the ship already." Seven suggested knowingly.

"She'll be an Engineer if I have anything to do with it!" B'Elanna protested, though she was beaming.

"I'm still holding out for Captain one day…" Janeway told her, "But I could do with another Engineer or pilot, it's a shame we have to wait for her to grow up a _little_ more."

"You'd be surprised how quickly she is growing Captain, clothes we replicated last week are going into recycling already!" B'Elanna half groused, half chuckled happily as she checked the pistol Janeway had given her with that Engineer's critical eye, whether it was holographic or not. "All set here."

"What is our consensus on difficulty level?" Seven questioned again, poised sat the console. Both she and the Captain looked at B'Elanna. She'd bounced back quickly from childbirth, had been working as regularly, if not as intensively as before, since Miral had hit three months, but they were reasonable enough to realise that B'Elanna was still building up her activity levels again, just as was sensible and right.

B'Elanna caught both their looks, but they didn't make her bristle as they would've down even when she'd been heavily pregnant and so obviously much more encumbered. "I'll admit having a one year old is exhausting, but it also leads to a build-up in nervous energy. It'll _help_ me to run around here at breakneck speeds shooting little silver disks, and thoroughly beating the two of you!"

"We will first try the most difficult level then." Seven answered, waiting for their certain nods before she set that difficulty and activated the game in the same command. She dived away from the console as it disappeared, pistol in hand, and had hit the first two targets of the game before her opponents could react.

"Hey, foul!" B'Elanna shouted breathlessly as she practically bent over backwards to hit the third target as it appeared, grinning as that ever satisfying bleep of a point scored hit her ears. "It's supposed to give us a countdown! You…"

"You wanted a challenge!" Seven answered. She landed with a grunt on her knees as she misjudged her aim at the next disk. Unacceptable.

"You did ask for difficult B'Elanna!" Kathryn concurred as she propelled herself off a wall for greater speed.

In the closing minutes of the first round, Seven and B'Elanna were tied at eight, with the Captain one point behind. However, Kathryn Janeway was nothing if not a fighter. She spun balletically, her aim absolute, and with a grunt of effort, hit a spectacular corner shot just before the target disappeared.

"Opening round complete." The Computer announced, "Torres, eight. Seven of Nine, eight. Janeway, eight. Three way tie."

"Good comeback!" B'Elanna whistled, admittedly impressed. "Whoa, whose face had you pinned to that target?!"

"Do we want to know?" Seven muttered doubtfully, thinking of all the little and not so little irritants that came to light about their crewmates during her monthly efficiency reports. It wasn't as if she always escaped the Captain's ire.

Panting hard, Kathryn shot her a look. "Have you got a particularly annoying indiscretion to confess?" she queried with a bark of a laugh as Seven looked at her like a deer caught in headlights. "Actually, I was hitting the puffy old face of that blowhard Trigerian Trade Ambassador!"

B'Elanna and Seven both winced as they thought of the protracted negotiations they'd just completed. "At least you were ultimately successful Captain." Seven reminded her.

"Thank God for that, or else I'd be burning a hole in the wall with this phaser!"

Seven blinked, "The safety protocols are on…" She stopped herself with a shake of the head as she realised she was being too literal again.

"How about we just start the next round, then we'll really break out a sweat?" B'Elanna suggested.

Kathryn crouched in readiness as she discarded her water bottle. "I may not have Borg enhancements or Klingon DNA, but I think I can do that."

Seven sighed at their posturing. "Fine." She agreed, allowing herself a smile as she issued the order. "Computer, start next round."

The opening volley of targets spun out above their heads. All three girls chose the same target simultaneously and fired, but their scores remained matched as all their shots missed, hitting almost exactly the same point.

"Whose point would that have been if we'd actually all hit it?" B'Elanna asked with a wry chuckle as they all watched the devious target twist and fly away to the other side of the court.

"It depends…" Seven expertly hit a newly appeared target square on, and B'Elanna instantly suspected the ex-drone's optical implant let her see the photons themselves forming. It must not be that great an advantage though, since the Captain beat her often enough. She could do the same. "…on which shot struck closest to the centre of the target."

"Well, that was mine." Kathryn cut in with a laugh, "It's a Captain's perogat…" She was cut off by a rumbling groan of noise as the holodeck heaved a violent shudder around them. Both she and B'Elanna stumbled forward, almost falling. The court was plunged into darkness for a split second, the warning hiss of short-circuiting wiring punctuating the darkness before the emergency lighting kicked in. B'Elanna's wide eyed face next to her was suddenly contoured by shadow. "What the hell was that?"

B'Elanna shrugged, trying to look unconcerned. "Probably a gel pack. We've had a couple of failures in the past few weeks, and the holodeck demands a lot of power…"

The older woman sighed heavily, "Sometimes I wonder if those gel packs are really the innovation Starfleet thought they were eight years ago." How dependent her ship was on the difficult to replicate packs had caused her several sleepless nights over their journey.

"Don't knock them too hard." B'Elanna responded, a wave of affection and protectiveness for Voyager rushing through her. Feelings she knew the Captain shared. "That bio neural circuitry has helped us along more often than I can count, finnicky or not."

Kathryn smiled ruefully in agreement. "Let's get out there and see what our old girl wants this time then… Computer, end programme." The court remained as it was, unchanged. "Computer, unlock and open holodeck doors." No matter how expectantly she stared at the wall, no door helpfully appeared.

"Voice commands are non-operational Captain." Seven remarked.

"I can see that." Kathryn assured her. "I presume the control console's not going to reappear either?"

"Doubtful." Seven made her way to the right hand wall, where the door should have shown itself, making a beeline for one particular panel with B'Elanna on her heels.

The Engineer was on her knees, squinting at the internal controls, before Seven had even fully removed the outside panel. "At least I'm not hampered by a holographic baby bump this time." She muttered as her fingers began to test different commands.

Kathryn grimaced behind her at the recollection. "And there's no Hirogen on the warpath."

"And no resistance leaders thinking you're sending messages to Nazi troops." Seven added, glancing at her pointedly.

"I was never going to shoot you Seven!" Kathryn asserted hotly, then sighed to herself at Seven's arched brow. "Alright, I'll admit the Doctor blocked the Hirogens' programming at the right moment…"

"BaQa!" B'Elanna suddenly cursed, earlier…mishaps on the holodecks forgotten. "We're not getting out of here any time soon." Seven was immediately at her back, her eyes joining B'Elanna's in scanning the circuitry.

"Then I'm calling in the cavalry." The Captain decided crisply, tapping her comm. badge. "Janeway to Bridge." She was greeted by a deafening silence. "Damn it. Comms blocked?"

"Of course." B'Elanna muttered darkly, "The curse of the holodecks continues."

"Curses are irrelevant." Seven ground out as she leaned into the controls as far as she could, "I may be able to get access to communications…" The console began to whine in complaint at her ministrations.

Abruptly it spat out a garbled syllable. "Br…" It tried again. "Br…to…" Static swallowed whatever else the hail may have been.

"Chakotay!" Seven exhaled in relief, perking up at once.

"How could you recognise that?" B'Elanna questioned, her voice incredulous. Chakotay's voice was distinctive, she'd known it the longest, but that mess could've been Tuvok, Harry or even an alien hailing them from another vessel for all she could tell.

"He's in command of the Bridge." Seven huffed, though the blush that dusted her cheeks revealed her wishful thinking.

"Whoever is up there will just have to beam us out." Kathryn said wearily, "Although, I suspect if there wasn't a problem they'd have done that already…"

"I will try to access the transporters from here." Seven cut her off, hands flying.

"Seven!" B'Elanna yanked her away just as the controls exploded in a shower of white hot sparks.

As a singed smell filled her nostrils, Kathryn's temper flared in response to the fright. "Just how many safety protocols did you try to override?" She demanded, glaring at Seven, her hands on her hips.

"All of them." Seven replied shortly as she sat up, "It was necessary to…"

"I would've tried the same thing Captain." B'Elanna intervened, cutting off Janeway's retort as she cautiously approached the control panel, brooding in smoke. "I think it's the underlying problem that caused the blow-up, not Seven…" On a hunch, she picked up her discarded Velocity phaser and fired it into the far corner. A tiny scorched hole instantly opened up in the floor. "The safeties have cut out." She uttered a growl of frustration as she thoughtlessly threw the phaser to the floor, Seven and Kathryn both flinching back in case of misfire. "That means the whole system has probably…"

The Velocity court suddenly dissolved around them, reforming as a familiar rustic room. "…gone haywire." B'Elanna finished belatedly, blinking as she struggled to place the new interior.

"Caterina!" The joyfully crooning voice made her cringe. Da Vinci. The escapee hologram.

The Captain turned to her holographic mentor with a strained smile. "Maestro…" He had her enveloped in a hug before she could move away, voluminous robes billowing around her.

Leonardo slowly pulled back, eyeing her astutely as a hurt pout played on his lips. "You haven't visited in so long Caterina, but I've kept your 'little corner' just as you left it…" He motioned towards the table by the window, overlooking the city of Florence. It was marginally tidier than the rest of his workshop. New models were everywhere. Seven remembered now that the Da Vinci programme progressed his art and inventions a little further every time it was activated. The flying machine that had morphed into a raven in her dreams still hung in pride of place however, always hopeful. Given the hologram's entirely programmed reaction to them, his 'away mission' from Voyager in that very machine wasn't currently in his memory banks.

"Forgive me, Maestro…" Kathryn began in a placating purr as she extricated herself from his gregarious grip. "It's been a busy couple of…years." Had it really been that long since she'd visited her once regular haunt?

"Ah yes, for me also." Leonardo said sadly, "Any day now, I will be leaving my beloved Firenze, whose great and good no longer love me…" He announced dramatically before trailing off as he caught sight of Seven, "Signorina Annetta!" he cooed happily, "You finally come with my Caterina again, hmm?"

"Yes." Seven answered stiffly, backing against the wall.

Leonardo beamed at her benevolently, oblivious to her less than keen reaction. He turned to B'Elanna with a charming, inquisitive look to match her one of mild disgust. "And Caterina has brought another friend to meet her old Maestro…"

"Yes, indeed." Kathryn told him, her pleasantness forced as she glanced between them and the still exposed, still smoking, control panel. "Maestro Da Vinci, this is…Elena. Signora Elena."

"Piacere!" Leonardo took B'Elanna's hand to his lips and kissed it.

B'Elanna freed her hand, trying not to grimace. "We've met before actually."

Leonardo chuckled, "Oh, I think I'd remem…"

He was cut off as the holodeck shifted again, so rapidly and completely that even Seven felt dizzy for a moment. The colour had been sucked from the environment, from them, and Seven scowled as she took in her appearance. The suit with the short skirt, the impractical heels, all bleached black and white with her skin, told her one thing clearly. "Constance Goodheart. Captain Proton."

"No kidding." The Captain replied drily beside her. The one glance to see what she meant was a mistake. Laughter bubbled up inside her irrepressibly as she was faced with the Captain in her full costume as 'Arachnia, Queen of the Spider People', including the crown hung with tiny plastic spiders.

"Obviously the costume overlay protocols are working." B'Elanna remarked, "Kahless, this is giving me a perma-wedgie!" She tugged hopelessly at the baggy silver bodysuit she'd been lumbered with, complete with some 20th Century cartoonist's idea of a jet pack.

Kathryn smirked, the expression made comical by her excessive lipstick. "Tom would be proud, you've taken up his mantle as Captain Proton."

"All these years of managing to avoid it and now I'm trapped here!" B'Elanna groused, "Great!"

Seven was shocked enough that her laughter was constrained, "You're _married_ to Tom Paris and you've never been involved in the Captain Proton programme?"

"No." B'Elanna answered succinctly, eyes glittering. "I'm not as easy to rope in as you two apparently."

"That instance was anomalous." Seven retorted defensively, then sighed. "I was bored beyond endurance…"

"And I was saving us from a race of photonic aliens if you'll recall. It's not my fault Tom somehow pictured me in this role…" Kathryn started to complain.

Seven looked at her then, and burst out laughing again, fighting not to buckle over. The giggles became hysterical as the Captain put her hands on her hips once more as she watched her imperiously, waiting for her to stop. "Förlåt…" She managed between guffaws and gulps for air. She was back in Astrometrics, laughing with Chakotay as they watched… It wasn't her fault, exactly, that she and Chakotay had kept the joke running, reminding each other whenever one had to lighten up about something their Captain had said… "Jag kan inte sluta…"

"Apparently, the Universal Translators are starting to fail too." B'Elanna concluded, unable to stop marvelling at Seven's hysterics, which were continuing even as Kathryn shot her a death glare. She wouldn't have thought it possible for Seven to crack a smile for more than a second a few months back, and here she was giggling uncontrollably. With good cause, admittedly. "Speak English Seven."

Part of Kathryn was enjoying seeing her protégé so struck by humour, if it had been at anyone else's expense she would've loved it, but the joke was wearing thin now. "Come on Seven, Constance Goodheart is supposed to be screaming at the sight of me, not laughing her head off." She teased sarcastically.

Seven managed to straighten and heroically look her Captain in the eyes, past the perfectly curled eyelashes and cat eye effect eyeliner. "What do you suggest we do Captain?" The question reverberated back on her own ears as the holodeck warped around her. She could no longer make out B'Elanna or the Captain beside her as programmes seemed to compete to materialise. Sometimes she'd see a flicker of a beach scene in front of her, then an alpine landscape, followed by the dunes of Mars. A movie theatre. More often than not, her optical implant would barely fasten onto the photons crystallising into matter before they'd blow away again, like leaves caught by wind. She cringed against the assault of multiple characters speaking at once, white noise roaring through her brain… She was back in the Collective, but _chaos_ was ruling them all. Voices overlaying each other, fighting for her attention, snatching at her body. The Vinculum. Had they stumbled on another Vinculum? Her head was splitting, her implants burned as they threatened to overload with the onslaught of stimuli. Another failsafe? She couldn't swallow the tears that came, couldn't breathe…

"Seven!" The Captain's voice abruptly cut through them all, though her tone was gentle, her hand on her bare arm. "Seven, it's over."

She realised that she'd screwed her eyes closed sometime during the…event and slowly opened them to reveal the Captain gazing at her in concern, a certain sorrowful knowledge in her face that made her stiffen. "Vad hände?" She shivered at the sound of her own frightened voice and corrected herself, "What happened?"

"I think we were being randomly shuffled through Voyager's entire holographic catalogue." B'Elanna answered with a grimace, "But it seems to have settled on this one, for the last few minutes at least."

"Minutes?" Seven echoed in confusion, "But I…"

Kathryn squeezed her shoulder, "You were disorientated for a bit there, panicking. I think your implants were trying to interface with the holodeck, trying to make sense of this…" At Seven's mortified expression her eyes grew sadder, "You couldn't help it." She moved back to give her some space, her legs colliding with the opulent four-poster bed they'd been placed around as she did so. "Does anyone recognise this programme?" she asked briskly.

B'Elanna's glanced around hurriedly. "It's a…hotel room?" she surmised. Her toes curled happily into the plush white carpet even as her eyes rejected her surroundings as unreal. Besides the _massive_ four-poster bed with, what were they called? Drapes? Hangings? Curtains? Whatever the name, sumptuous fabric in various blending tones of cream and gold hung over the bed, pooling elegantly on the carpet at each corner like ballgown skirts. There was a mahogany vanity table with a spotless mirror and laden with every kind of make-up under the sun. Three doors. Only one was open, revealing a cavernous walk-in wardrobe.

Seven's eyes had followed B'Elanna to the wardrobe and seeing it made her look down at herself. Gone was Constance Goodheart's secretarial attire. Instead she was wearing a baby blue silk negligee, the cream lace trim of which didn't even brush the tops of her knees. Her knees… The left was lacking the joint augmentation implant… Her legs were pale, exposed and unscarred by the Borg. She held her hands out in front of her, the left matched the right. Shakily, she lifted her fingers to her optical implant, she could still feel it's presence, the lingering pain of her near…deactivation, she felt…bruised, but one look in the room's full length mirror told her all the implants had been masked. She swallowed, nauseated, as all the guilt and insecurity stemming from her holodeck experiments began to roll over her in waves. There was no failsafe to worry about now of course, despite her moment of sickened panic just then, and she'd already confided in Chakotay, who'd forgiven what she'd done with equanimity which still stunned her. If she hadn't been falling love with him before telling him that, she would've been after…

"Chakotay will be having déjà vu right about now as the worry kicks in." She heard B'Elanna comment, the rest of the Engineer's conversation with the Captain having passed her by as she was lost in thought.

"Vad?" She choked out, "Varför…why would he be experiencing déjà vu?" Her stomach flipped as her heart picked up speed.

"Because he'll be thinking of the time he got 'eaten' by Grendel." B'Elanna replied, her gaze narrowing a little as she saw Seven's white face, "He's never told you about Harry's Beowulf programme?"

Seven nodded slowly, "Oh…yes. He did." She glanced about, perching on the four poster for support and giving a start as the mattress…wobbled slightly beneath her.

Kathryn muffled a chuckle at Seven's utterly perplexed expression. "I think it's a water bed."

That explanation didn't clear up Seven's bemusement at all. "A water…" She shook her head. Irrelevant. "I doubt there are any man-eating monsters here."

"Unless we're meant to be it." B'Elanna muttered, giving a little spin in her deep crimson negligee, complete with matching silk wrap. "In these outfits…"

"Hmm." Kathryn breathed, considering. Her own outfit gave some credence to the idea. She was wearing a decidedly slinky full length number in black, topped with a short kimono, also black but embroidered with hot hit orchids. Her hair had been fluffed out, and as she brought a hand to it, she found red rose petals. They were clinging to B'Elanna and Seven too, drifting randomly down from the ceiling…

B'Elanna cursed again in Klingon as she stared open-mouthed at the mirror. "We're in _soft focus_! ¡Dios mio!"

Seven squinted at the mirror, then down at herself. "The optics in this programme do seem unusual…"

B'Elanna barked a hard laugh, "We've walked into mid-century cinema or something! Back then they used to soften the image of women…"

Seven stared at her blankly, "Why?"

"I don't know! To look more angelic, or vulnerable, or more in need of the male lead's rescue and love…" B'Elanna snorted angrily.

Kathryn suddenly moved to the bed, tearing back the burgundy throw, discarding the plumped pillows, the goosedown duvet. As B'Elanna and Seven watched her in bemusement, she carefully stroked the sheets. "Egyptian cotton sheets." She declared with authority, lips pursing.

"What does that signify?" Seven demanded, bewildered.

Kathryn locked a grim gaze on the two of them. "Ladies, we're trapped in a romantic holonovela."

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 **A/n: Please review! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: Thanks once again to The Lady Mage for all the help and ideas.**

 **I do not own Star Trek: Voyager.**

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"If you can't unlock the holodecks, beam them out." Chakotay instructed. Only narrowed eyes revealed any stress, and the fact that he'd long since risen from his chair despite the fact that the ship was still rolling in the turbulent wake of the massive shockwave that had slammed into them just minutes before. "The Captain would want to be on her Bridge right now." He glanced round at Tuvok, "Was it some sort of _weapon_ that hit us or not Mr Tuvok?"

"I am unable to confirm that hypothesis Commander." Tuvok replied, though his mouth was set in a grimmer than usual line. "If it does prove to be some kind of weapon, we appear to be out of its firing range for the moment. Sensors are not detecting anything approaching."

"They didn't before either." Tom piped up from the conn., "Or else I would've done more to move the hell out of its way before it knocked out the warp field and our engines."

"Transporters are down Commander." Icheb suddenly reported from where he stood with Harry at Ops. His day of field experience at that station for his Starfleet training had just got a hell of a lot more challenging. Chakotay knew Seven would've wanted him _off_ the Bridge at such a time, and looked back at him with a flicker of guilt. As if sensing his hesitation, Icheb smoothly added, "I do not believe transporters could have locked on them even if they were operational."

"Why not?" Chakotay questioned, dread starting to sink in.

"Because the holodeck is switching between programmes so much." Harry supplied as his eyes roamed over his console. "The environment in there is fundamentally unstable right now. All the photonic white noise is interfering with us even getting a sensor lock on the Captain and the others, let alone a transporter lock."

"As much as I am object to you referring to my holographic compatriots as 'white noise' Ensign…" The Doctor began through his open comm. link to the Bridge, "I'll put that aside if you can at least get a clear enough sensor reading to tell me if they're injured in there?"

Chakotay stiffened, "Harry?"

"I can't be one hundred percent sure…" He admitted worriedly, frustration settling on his face as he glared intently down at his unhelpful console.

Chakotay's calm mask slipped further; his hand went up to the brow where a headache was building. "Why did the holodecks have such an extreme reaction to the shockwave?"

"The most complex systems have been hit hardest by it." Harry replied, "It shut down, then tried to reboot, but there's damage throughout the system, cascade failures…"

"Just like with the warp drive." Tom muttered. Trying to ride turbulence this serious at impulse was no joke. Managing to swerve past a particularly rogue 'current' in space, his mood rose a little. "Well, if _we_ can't get them out, there's no three more qualified to break themselves out." He smiled proudly, 'B'Elanna will have got into the controls by now and gutted them."

Chakotay ran a hand through his hair even as he smirked, "Seven will be competing for the privilege. She hates the holodecks at the best of times."

If he hadn't been so busy at the conn., Tom would've looked behind him to catch Chakotay's eye, but he couldn't let the opportunity pass him by completely. "Maybe you just need to get better at choosing a programme for a date." He suggested with a snort. "And I'll have you know, Seven doesn't hate the holodecks that much, she played Constance Goodheart…"

"For five minutes." Chakotay reminded him, "Disabling the killer robots so totally as to make Captain Proton irrelevant…" He chuckled.

"The Captain will be leading and directing Lieutenant Torres and Seven of Nine's efforts." Tuvok broke in firmly, cutting off the banter before it took deeper root. He knew enough about human stress reactions to know that Tom's humour acted as a valve, it always had, and with B'Elanna in danger he needed it, but distraction could go too far. He was surprised at Chakotay for responding so readily, but it was likely that thoughts of Seven's self-possession and resilience reassured him.

"It's not another Seska incident is it?" Ensign Leitmann asked Sam Wildman beside him. Unfortunately, before Sam could even start to shake her head in warning, the question had been heard by the entire crowded Bridge. The Austrian science officer never had been good at whispering. The ship's seasoned gossips knew by now not to tell him anything in a public place; his voice never seemed able to go below a certain volume. "I mean…" He cleared his throat under Chakotay's pointed gaze. "I know she's dead, but this sounds a lot like 'Insurrection Alpha'. The sealed holodeck, the safety protocols being switched off, the cascade failures…"

"I was there." Tom cut him off, glancing back at Tuvok with an arched brow. "And we killed that bitch's hologram and deleted all her possible hidey holes, didn't we?"

"Of that I am certain." Tuvok confirmed with steel in his tone.

"But…" Leitmann began.

"Come on Andreas…" Lieutenant Zhao, his Security Officer boyfriend chided gently, arms crossed laconically over his broad chest, "Keep all your conspiracy theories for your stories. This isn't Seska." He smirked, eyes twinkling at his partner, "Much as we're overdue for her to pop back up." Laughter bubbled up over the Bridge, but Chakotay couldn't catch more than a couple of the culprits in the act.

"Yeah Andreas." Sam said hurriedly as the awkward laughter died down, "We're all waiting for your chapter of our new Detective Nivor story, to see if the clues Jenny wrote for her chapter are red herrings…"

Chakotay had known that Seska 'conspiracy theories' and so many more about other enemies, were common among the crew, a source of black humour when the latest gossip got too stale and there was nothing of interest in whatever segment of the Delta Quadrant they were traversing. He half expected it from Leitmann, he was a core member of the ship's band of writers who were continually putting fresh spins on popular serials they were never likely to see new published volumes of while in the Delta Quadrant; like the logically solved murders of Vulcan detective Nivor. To speculate wittily _now_ though, with Seven, B'Elanna and the Captain trapped in the holodeck, didn't sit well with him at all. "Let's all focus on getting out of our _current_ situation please." He ordered sharply, enough to send many gazes dropping sheepishly back to their consoles.

"This is more like what happened with the 'Beowulf' programme than 'Insurrection Alpha' anyway…" Dalby muttered boldly, never one to submit to authority, or sense, at once.

"As long as 'Fair Haven' doesn't riot again." O'Halloran remarked darkly, "That was a kitschy taste of hell. My ancestors will start turning in their graves all over again."

Chakotay sighed, half giving up on keeping order as he shot Leitmann a rueful look. "Sounds like you've got the right idea, writing for reading rather than the holodecks."

Leitmann grinned at him. "Yes, sir."

"Chakotay, thinking of 'Insurrection Alpha' gave me an idea." Harry said suddenly, relief brightening his face. "B'Elanna was able to create a visual link between the holodecks and Engineering back then…"

"B'Elanna's not here." Tom replied tightly, "Will you be able to do it?"

"Oh ye of little faith." Harry retorted, then coloured a little as Chakotay gave him an expectant look, "It might not be very clear, with all the interference and instability…"

"Just do it Harry." Chakotay interrupted firmly.

"Give me some help here Icheb." Harry requested. Icheb immediately complied and soon enough they were both tapping rapidly at the console. "Yes!" Harry was so absorbed that he forgot to stifle his satisfied exclamation. He quickly caught himself and reported more professionally, "I think we've found them Commander."

"On screen!" Chakotay ordered urgently.

When Harry obligingly pressed the button, the image that popped up on screen made jaws drop and necks crane throughout the Bridge.

"Is that a _kimono_ the Captain's wearing?" Carolina Ruiz, assistant Tactical Officer and relief pilot, asked with a giggle.

"Ensign!" Icheb protested, swiping away the hand a stunned and mortified Harry had reflexively put over his eyes. "What are you doing?!" He took in the viewscreen and shook his head sagely. "Obviously, the holodecks are malfunctioning more than we anticipated."

O'Halloran's smirk widened, "Obviously." He agreed with a chuckle, "B'Elanna looks good in red Tom."

"Oh hell!" Tom half yelled. He sprang up from the conn. and started a sprint for the viewscreen control by the Captain's chair. He landed flat on his face halfway to his goal as the ship rolled to the side without his guidance.

"Ai, meu Deus!" Ruiz cried out angrily, "Estúpido, you want to kill us?" She managed to make her way to the conn. to take over before Tom had gotten back to his feet.

By now, the link to the holodeck had stabilised enough that conversation could be heard. "How does a specific kind of fabric in a set of sheets signify that we're in a romantic holonovel?" Seven was demanding of Kathryn. Her raised metallic brow could signify a multitude of things, Chakotay knew. This time he at least could tell that the expression was exasperated, if not irate, as she stood stiffly in that baby blue slip of silk.

"¡Mierda!" Chakotay cursed, snapped out of his shell-shocked stupor by Seven's voice. He jumped away from Ops back towards the Captain's chair, aiming for the goal Tom had missed as Kathryn replied to Seven wryly.

"It's something of a cliché Seven, but a telling one. Just take my word for it."

"Haven't you ever fantasised about Chakotay laying you down on _especially_ soft and expensive sheets?" B'Elanna teased sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she glanced at the extravagant bed.

"Not particularly." Seven retorted, brows furrowing. "As long as the sheets are _clean_ I really do not…"

Laughter would've drowned out whatever Seven said next, but it didn't get the chance as Chakotay slammed his fist into the Captain's controls in desperation. As the screen went blank, a chorus of 'Awws' rang out instead.

"So…" Dalby drawled out, "Seven prefers you keep things _clean_ does she Chakotay?" He waggled his brows.

"¡Callaté la boca!" Chakotay warned him sharply. When Dalby continued to smirk, Chakotay let his own lips twitch. "Or I'll give you a taste of the 'Maquis Way' one more time." That shut him up he saw with satisfaction.

"Commander, you just broadcast the link to every console on Voyager." Tuvok announced gravely.

Chakotay spun around and gaped at him. "¿Qué?"

"You can't be serious…" Tom choked out.

"I am." Tuvok assured him icily, now sounding, to those who knew him well, positively peeved.

"Don't you think the three of you are overreacting a bit?" Samantha ventured with a small, amused smile, "They're just in nightdresses after all."

"Yeah." Ruiz agreed, "You're being oversensitive. It's just what you'd see in the windows of any upmarket lingerie boutique."

Tom rubbed a hand over his face, "B'Elanna is still going to kill me." He groaned, then looked up at Chakotay, "Or more likely you, since _you_ pressed the button."

"Seven will be sure to kill me very efficiently before B'Elanna can get a chance." Chakotay muttered, "And the Captain would order them to do it…"

* * *

"OH MY GOD!" Billy Telfer wailed, "I just saw the _Captain_ in her _underwear_!" His hyperventilating intensified, "How…How am I supposed to…look her…in the…eye… _ever again_?! Or B'Elanna? Or Seven of Nine?"

"You've never looked them in the eye until now." Jenny Delaney remarked drolly, "I'm sure the four of you will be fine."

Tal Celes looked helplessly at her Astrometrics colleague. She wasn't helping. Oh, if only Icheb hadn't had to train with Harry, then he could've been holding the fort down here… "Just try not to think about it Billy…" She advised softly as she rubbed soothing circles in his quaking back and handed him the brown paper bag she'd taken from the supply she kept aside for him in situations like this.

Billy huffed gratefully into the bag but soon lifted his red face again to say, "But, but how can I not think about it?"

"I don't know…" Celes conceded, "But…"

Jenny suddenly snapped her fingers. "I _knew_ I recognised that programme!" She grinned, "It's the freaking 'Love Mansion'! I have to tell Megan!" She slammed her hand into her comm. badge, laughing devilishly.

"The 'Love Mansion'?" Billy squeaked out.

"What makes it 'freaking'?" Celes asked blankly.

* * *

Vorik finally blinked as the brief insight into Lieutenant Torres' entrapment on the holodeck that had appeared unrequested on his console cut off. "Well…that was highly illogical." He decided as the guffaws of his Engineering colleagues echoed around him.

* * *

 **A/n: Please review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n: Thanks again to The Lady Mage for all her continuing help with this story. Check out her amazing story for Christmas, 'All I Want', centred around the Borg kids with Seven! It's lovely, fun and fluffy.**

 **A belated Merry Christmas and a happy week of Hanukkah to my readers. I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays!**

 **I do not own Star Trek: Voyager.**

* * *

"Any luck finding another control panel?" Kathryn demanded, her hands pinned to her hips and her agitated huffing deepening as she was faced with an overflowing walk-in wardrobe rather than anything useful. It was low lit, as if the programme designers had wanted the clothes to seduce you while on the _hangers_. The varied assortment made their outfits look like the highest echelon of class and refinement…

"None." B'Elanna answered shortly, on the floor with hands prodding the wardrobe's walls, pushing the improbable confections of silk, lace and see-through mesh out of her way as if she were cutting back an encroaching jungle. One floor length wrap, edged with peacock feathers, fell over her head as she shifted to catch the Captain's eye. She sneezed as one of the feathers promptly got up her nose. "A little help here Seven!"

"I'm trying…" Seven retorted, spreading her feet wider to push many of the clothes down the rails, away from B'Elanna.

"Try harder." B'Elanna groused, "I can't even change the damn lighting to see properly so…" She sneezed again. "At least keep this feather boa constrictor away from me!"

Seven tentatively lifted the sheer, feathered 'dressing gown' for lack of a better word, with a wary grimace that made Kathryn smile slightly. "It won't eat you Seven. These cabaret cast-offs hurt nothing but our eyes."

"That's an insult to cabarets." B'Elanna remarked with a snort, "Damn it, there should be an access panel here, but there's nothing!"

"Can you see anything with your optical implant?" Kathryn asked Seven, "Any power output readings or…"

Seven just shook her head. This was not the time to explain that, as enhanced as her optical implant was, she was not a walking tricorder. She'd been surprised the Captain had waited in the bedroom for as long as she had to give B'Elanna a chance to search. Her agitation to reach this Bridge must be growing with each passing millisecond, however much she trusted Chakotay, Tuvok and the others on the Bridge. It wasn't the Captain's way to be out of the loop. "Unfortunately not Captain."

Kathryn put a worried hand on her bare upper arm, disconcerted only for a moment upon feeling the implants she knew were still there but for now couldn't see. "Are you still affected by the holodeck's…jumps?" she asked, concerned.

Seven managed to keep her face blank, even as residual nausea rolled in her stomach and her head gave a protesting twinge. "I am functional Captain."

Kathryn wasn't fooled, "Go and sit on…" A water bed likely wouldn't relax Seven of Nine, but it was the best she could offer right now.

Seven however had turned away from her and was looking at the feathered gown with an intent frown. "How is…this supposed to be…erotic?"

B'Elanna barked a laugh at her feet. "Other than being see-through?"

Seven thought for a second. "Yes."

B'Elanna risked touching one of the sneeze inducing feathers. "Haven't you heard of, or been, ticklish?" she asked with a smirk.

Seven just arched a brow smoothly in response. "Feathers seem like an unnecessary tool for that."

"Is that so?" B'Elanna threw back with a chuckle.

"They're more itchy than anything." Kathryn remarked absently as her eyes scanned the room for an escape route; and took in all the options for the 'escape' this room was apparently designed to help provide. She finally registered the stunned looks both Seven and B'Elanna were shooting her and shrugged. "Let's focus on getting out of here, please."

"I am." B'Elanna reminded her as she scrambled to her feet, "Enough to know that the solution to getting out isn't in here, any more than these clothes would help me achieve anything." She shook her head amusedly at the selection, "Most of this would make Tom piss himself laughing, not turn him on."

Seven nodded hurriedly in relief. "Yes, Chakotay's reaction would be similar." Hopefully. She'd never actually tried anything like this programme seemed to suggest. Nudity had always been supremely effective in her, admittedly limited, experience.

"If there isn't a control panel in here, we'd better try the other doors." Kathryn said firmly, her mind back on the business at hand.

B'Elanna and Seven shared a sceptical look. Their attempt to access the controls in the Velocity court had been a bust, and as different as this programme was, they were in the same holodeck. However, if life on Voyager had taught them anything, it was to persevere; and it wasn't as if they hadn't had to be inventive escaping the holodeck before. As they joined their Captain back in the bedroom, she was already turning the handle to what they'd all presumed was just an en-suite bathroom. Better to double check that before risking the other door to head out to another part of the programme.

What filled Kathryn's vision as she opened the door however was not a bathroom. It was… _pecs_. Glistening golden skin. Water dripping down washboard abs…

"Hey there." A deep voice caressed her ear, "I was wondering when you were going to join me…"

"Hey yourself." B'Elanna's barely stifled sarcastic cackle broke the spell enough to unlock Kathryn's gaze but unfortunately it swept _downward_. An impossibly fluffy towel hung precariously around powerful hips…

"Uhh…" The voice sounded confused for a moment, then bounced back to charmingly pleasant. "I didn't know there would be three of you, but hey, I'm cool."

Hot. Kathryn felt hot. She made a staggering step back, wiping a hand over her eyes before forcing them to look up at the holo-man filling the doorway. Full lips pulled back to smile at her beatifically, as if he was used to this reaction; programmed to expect it. Bright green eyes crinkled at her sweetly, incandescent white teeth flashing. "You look like…" He reached a hand out to her, "…you could use a nice hot soak in the tub." He turned to B'Elanna and Seven with an easy wink, "You two can join us…" He gave Kathryn a half uncertain, half beseeching look. "If that's what _you_ want of course."

Kathryn answered this obsequiousness with a faint smile as she subtly moved away from him. The move had on plenty of handsy bureaucrats… B'Elanna however, wasn't about to let her get away with it. The Engineer snorted incredulously, "Are the holograms _programmed_ to recognise you as the boss Captain? The central performer?" She snickered and Seven's breath huffed with a suppressed chorus as her lips curled then pursed.

"I was just the one to trigger him by opening the door…" Kathryn hissed back under her breath, very aware despite herself of his perplexed expression.

A sweetly bemused smile flickered over his face as he looked between them, blinking those gorgeous eyes owlishly. "I don't get it." He admitted with a shy chuckle and an apologetic shrug.

"We do not require you to 'get it'." Seven told him bluntly, holding herself tall, pushing the strangeness of this situation aside. "You will not be getting anything." She ignored the Captain's laugh...a choked giggle? Though it did set B'Elanna off. She sighed heavily, "Hopefully we will be able to leave soon and you will not be further disrupted by our presence."

Holo-hunk smiled at her bashfully, the expression counterintuitive as he toyed with his towel. "We haven't really got down to disrupting anything yet, have we?" he pointed out softly, "And does 'not getting you anything mean I don't get to offer these?" Theatrically, he pulled out a massive champagne bucket from behind the bathroom door, filled with crystal clear ice as well as a bottle of the best vintage. His face fell when he wasn't met with three resounding ooohs of delight, but he had another hand. An extravagant platter of strawberries, surrounding a mini chocolate fountain, appeared to be held out to them.

B'Elanna lightly smacked Seven's already reaching hand away. "Oh no you don't, chica." She jokingly chided with a smirk, "I'll tell Chakotay…"

Seven glared at her, then flushed guiltily even as she cast one last longing look in the direction of the strawberries. "I was merely thinking that it may be a while before we can find other sustenance…"

"If the holodecks are connected with the replicators during this malfunction, as this would seem to prove, we'll be fine." Kathryn told her with an amused shake of the head. She smiled at the now utterly lost hologram, "You don't happen to have a coffee machine in here, do you?"

* * *

"...and all this time all you needed was a plate of strawberries Harry." Tom teased, in his element. Harry's head just sunk into his shoulders, his hands tapping Astrometrics' console a little harder. "Better watch out Chakotay, he's saving his rations…"

Chakotay clipped Tom lightly on the back of the head. "Lay off, Paris." He half growled, his mood easing up when a mortified looking Harry mouthed 'Sorry' at him while shaking his head vigorously. His deer in the headlights expression was hilarious. "Just you wait Paris, until that hologram whips up some banana pancakes, and B'Elanna will be a goner…"

Tom stared at him, affronted. "How do _you_ know about her weakness for bananacakes?"

Chakotay pretended he hadn't spoken and turned to Harry. They'd retreated to Astrometrics as it was more private than the Bridge or Engineering but just as capable of analysing the holodeck. They'd ensured this time that their visual link to the holodeck was isolated to this room. Chakotay had had to use his sternest voice to get Jenny Delaney to leave, Billy Telfer had fled without looking him in the eye, Tal Celes trailing faithfully behind. "Can you find where their nearest access panel is?"

"It took some time through the interference…"

"As everything is." Tom was getting exasperated with that repetitive start to every point. They knew by now how hard it was.

Harry just frowned in response to the interruption, but it did curtail his explanation. "It's in the bathroom somewhere…I think."

Chakotay rubbed his temples. "Then we'll just need to hope they get past that guy and find it before the programme changes again and they're disorientated."

"Or we could hurry them up, by telling them." Tom realised, "When Tuvok and I were trapped in 'Insurrection Alpha', they managed to bring written messages into the programme."

"But there is nothing to use that wouldn't require a big enough rewrite to destabilise the holodeck again." Harry pointed out, "No consoles or PADDs. Something like scrawling it across the walls suddenly is too out of context for the programme, I think the fault would block it."

Chakotay considered the events playing out on the screen and suddenly snapped his fingers. "The coffee machine!"

* * *

"Oh, thank God…" Kathryn purred as she took a long, luxuriant gulp of the steaming hot mug of coffee. "It's real." She stroked the espresso machine lovingly while the hologram stood by, abandoned.

"That means we won't starve then." B'Elanna said, "Or have to handle a caffeine deprived Kathryn Janeway." She quipped to Seven under her breath.

"I heard that Lieutenant." Kathryn cut in, making both of them freeze, "Be glad it's true…" She trailed off as she saw something flash up on the screen of the coffeemaker. "Bathroom?"

Seven and B'Elanna stared at her quizzically. "Captain?" Seven queried cautiously.

"It's what…" Kathryn rubbed her eyes, but the coffee machine screen, which only had the business to say, 'Insert beans' or 'Ready', was still flashing 'BATHROOM' at her. Subliminal messaging? No! She reluctantly set the coffee down on the bedside table. Maybe this brew was too strong even for her… Then, as B'Elanna and Seven obeyed her ushering and approached, three more words flashed up in quick succession. 'ACCESS', 'PANEL', 'IN', then 'BATHROOM' again. Kathryn exhaled in relief and snatched up her coffee again. "The crew must've found a way to get a message through!"

"How efficient of them to use the coffee machine." Seven muttered dryly.

"Seven…" Kathryn began in half teasing warning, then abruptly blanched. "Wait, if they can see the coffee machine then…" Her voice petered out in shock. Seven's mouth dropped open, but she caught herself and closed it tight, trying as she did so to pull one of the thinner blankets off the bed and cover herself with it. She soon gave up on that as impractical, modesty and embarrassment would need to be irrelevant.

B'Elanna rattled the coffee machine as she peered at the tiny screen. "Tom!" She called sharply into the empty air, "If you can see this, send a bit more information through this thing at least!"

The holo-hunk edged forward, "I can make you a cup of coffee if you can't work…"

"Arrgh!" B'Elanna ground out in frustration. She snatched up the coffee pot from the machine and threw it at the hologram's head. His swoon worthy eyes widened and he scurried aside just in time, the coffee pot instead crashing against the wall. A large patch of the cream, golden flower motif wallpaper was now splattered gourmet espresso brown. B'Elanna's face paled as she stared at the stain, and Seven experienced the briefest of flashes from the well of Chakotay's memories in her brain she rarely drew from. A plate flying through the air, narrowly missing his head. B'Elanna's mortified expression… B'Elanna saw the Captain gaping at her and turned on her heel, fleeing in a marching stride into the bathroom and slamming the door behind her.

Kathryn recovered quickly, shrugging off B'Elanna's outburst easier than the loss of the coffee as she went to the bathroom door and rapped. Holo-hunk audibly gulped. "Maybe you should give her some time to cool off…" He ventured.

Seven regarded him coolly as she shrugged. "The…explosion of temper has already occurred. You are in no danger." Of course not, he was a hologram. She sighed to herself.

"The best thing for all of us is to get out of here as soon as possible." Kathryn remarked resolutely as she entered the bathroom herself, Seven at her back.

The hologram was at a loose end, looking after them like an abandoned puppy. "All of you are going in there? At once?"

Seven just ignored him and continued on in as if he hadn't spoken. Kathryn however couldn't cast aside that boyish, utterly bemused face. She briefly cupped his chiselled chin in her hand as he approached, absently stroking his stubble with her thumb as his eyes melted, totally absorbed in any woman giving him attention, just as his programmer had no doubt intended. "You don't know too much about women do you?" she murmured regretfully, letting her hand drop from his face to the bathroom door handle and closing the door in his face.

"Um…" The man mumbled awkwardly, his voice further muffled by the door, "…this room is costing three thousand an hour…"

Seven frowned at that comment and glanced at Kathryn questioningly, "Does that reference to money mean that he is supposed to be a gigolo?"

Kathryn's eyes bugged. "Gigolo?" she echoed weakly, "Seven, how do you even…"

B'Elanna gave a short guffaw, "It's the _women_ who provide money for gigolos Seven. I suspect this scenario is supposed to be…" She snorted sarcastically as she shuffled on the marble tiles on her knees, looking for the elusive access panel. "… _romantic_."

" _We_ are providing his holodeck." Seven pointed out, "Therefore, in a sense…"

"Okay, call him a gigolo all you want Seven." B'Elanna conceded with a wide smirk at Kathryn's horrified expression.

"Seven!" Kathryn finally managed to squeak out, "How on _Earth_ do you know about gigolos?"

Seven kept a straight face. "From the Doctor." She heard B'Elanna cackle and clarified, "From his social lessons."

Kathryn stared at her, her face rapidly going red as her jaw tightened. "He…"

"I read ahead." Seven interrupted, looking at her innocently, "Do not worry Captain. I did not require the lessons any more long before that class. It was titled…'Sexual Predators and How to Avoid Them'."

If their Captain had been drinking coffee, she would've spluttered it over her protégé. Instead, her mouth closed into a thin line and she retreated back into the bedroom.

B'Elanna managed to muffle her chuckle with her hand. "Good one Seven."

The ex-drone glanced at her uneasily, "Do you think I took it too far?"

"No." B'Elanna answered succinctly, "You've thrown the Doctor to the wolf but you need _some_ revenge for those damned social lessons they forced on you."

Seven arched a brow at her. "I am certain you thought I needed them at the time."

"I know, right?" B'Elanna readily agreed with a laugh. "Now, help me get this panel off, will you?"

"You've located it?" Seven joined her on the spotless marble floor. As well as the expected toilet, there were two sculpted glass sinks and a gargantuan shower that took up all of one wall. There were several shower heads, so many in varying sizes and positions Seven had to wonder just how many people were expected at once. Not just the usual one or two. The access panel however was built into the base of the room's biggest folly. A heart-shaped tub. The enamel was strawberry pink, the towels stacked around it crimson. The taps were gold. She was speechless for a moment, before falling back on a reliable preoccupation. "This is a very inefficient configuration for a bathtub."

"Not if you're keen on bathing on each other's laps." B'Elanna remarked with a grunt as the two of them pulled the panel off, revealing, finally, the promised access underneath. "Thank Kahless." She murmured.

"Indeed." Seven agreed, but still added, "I'm certain bathtubs _can_ be efficient and romantic." That line of thought was dismissed from her brain as her eyes analysed the state of the conduits. "This is badly damaged…"

"We'll get it!" B'Elanna growled, "Somehow. I'll just…" As soon as she reached in, the panel seemed to stretch away from her hand. The colour of the environment became garishly, unnaturally bright, then was bleached of colour, before twisting and swirling around them. Seven's earlier ordeal came rushing back towards her, a crowd of holocharacters slamming into her implants receivers…

Thankfully this time it was only momentary, one roll of the holodeck's dice. They were still on the floor, but it had transformed into grainy, dusty old planks, sprinkled with straw. Seven yelped, just missing getting the heel of a cowboy boot to the eye. She grabbed hold of B'Elanna to heave herself up on shaking legs and B'Elanna took the opportunity to scramble upright.

The Captain was beside them. "Oh hell…" She groaned as she looked around then met their wide eyes.

* * *

 **A/n: Please review! Remember to check out 'All I Want' and also the B'Elanna centred second chapter of The Cheshire Cheese's great new story, 'Crossroads'.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n: Thanks again to TheLadyMage for all her help and ideas! As well as updating 'Falleretque Perfectus' this week, she's also started a great new story, 'Happenstance', check them both out!**

* * *

A rotund male hologram, his face pink and shiny, arched a greying eyebrow in response to Kathryn's groan as he swept past them on surprisingly nimble feet, his short female dancing partner scurrying to keep up but beaming with enjoyment. "Aww, hell is right young lady, if'n ya don't either get ta dancing or get offa this dance floor!" He cackled loudly, just as two couples crashed together, all four landing flat on their butts.

One staggered up, rubbing his ass grumpily as his girl continued to lie sprawled out, legs in the air, with people just skirting around them laughing. "This got'damn dance floor is too small, that what it'tis!" He griped sourly.

Kathryn looked around her and saw that despite the hologram's bad attitude he was right. She, Seven and B'Elanna were standing on a rickety old wooden dance platform that raised them precariously off the churned-up grass, and it was packed corner to corner with far too many riotously dancing holograms as well as the three of them. The band in front of them, on a more secure and higher metal stage, laughed at the antics of the dancers and played louder. They were practically dressed in a uniform, cowboy hats and boots, jeans and shirts; and equipped with either fiddles or acoustic guitars, other than the one guy forcing sound out of an old accordion, and another twanging a banjo.

B'Elanna leaped down to the grass. "Kahless on a crutch…" She muttered, making both Kathryn and Seven gape at her, "…if someone has recreated even a _fraction_ of the Caretaker's idea of a 'hoedown' I'll destroy this holodeck when we get out of here myself!"

"Calm down 'Lanna." Kathryn murmured as she too hopped off the platform, almost sliding on the grass as the sneakers on her feet failed to get proper purchase. " _None_ of our crew would recreate that. I'll admit this is country, but it's not creepy." None of the holograms seemed particularly bothered with them, unlike in the Caretaker's scenario. Most milled around, taking advantage of the huge roof of this covered stage that shielded them from the sun, though there were plenty more outside. Other than the posts holding on the roof, it was open to the warm, humid air. There were some round plastic tables around which people sat in clusters, chatting, but mostly it was benches around their little dance floor.

"It is not particularly similar to Chakotay description of the Caretaker's 'homestead'." Seven agreed as she stepped more gracefully down, the movement of her long legs drawing the others' eyes to her attire.

"Daisy dukes huh?" B'Elanna remarked, "I think I won out on the costume front this time." She tugged at her lightweight hoodie in amusement, reading its slogan: 'Camo is My Favourite Colour', written, of course, in camouflage block lettering over hot pink. "I could learn to agree with that statement!" She joked as she lifted up one of her cowboy boots for inspection, into which bootleg, denim jeans were perfectly tucked, of course they had camo detailing, and pink trim. Doing a little spin let the girls see the crystal embellishments on the back pockets of the flattering jeans.

Seven scowled down at her bare legs, still unnerved by the lack of implants. "Can these…shorts be returned to this 'Daisy Duke'?" She mumbled irritably while having to admit that the black cotton camisole on her upper half was rather comfortable, the saving grace of the outfit since it was layered under a red and white, cap sleeved shirt that had been tied up under her bust. Like B'Elanna, her feet had been clad in 'cowboy boots', or given the sex of the wearer was it 'cowgirl' boots? Hers were plainer, a pleasant caramel shade of leather.

The Captain just shook her head, "I don't think Daisy Duke was ever a real person…"

"Ask Tom." B'Elanna advised with an affectionate roll of her eyes, "He'd know."

"I haven't had a ponytail since 7th grade!" Kathryn suddenly exclaimed, tugging on the auburn ponytail that poked out of the crimson baseball cap on her head, she'd felt it swishing as she'd shook her head.

"It's holographic Captain." Seven pointed out, "Much like these." She briefly touched the messy pigtail braids that peeked out from under her straw cowboy hat and settled on her shoulders. She could still feel her real hair pulled back for Velocity in a low ponytail, but it was hidden as it had been in the hotel room simulation, when it had appeared loose.

"I realise that Seven." The Captain replied drily as she looked down at herself. "I suppose it could be worse…" She muttered. B'Elanna smiled to herself, the silky 'glamour' of the negligee and kimono was probably more Kathryn Janeway's polished style than what she wore now. Ratty cut-off denim overalls over the apparently almost ubiquitous plaid shirt, the sleeves rolled to the elbows. Kathryn yanked off the baseball cap and suddenly grinned, mollified. "At least this crazy holodeck knew to peg me as a Hoosiers fan."

Seven squinted at the hat as the Captain put it back on her head with pride. It had a symbol on it that resembled a trident, or a candlestick. Perhaps that was the mysterious 'hoosier'? "What is a hoosier?" she finally asked blankly.

Kathryn gave a start. "I'm a Hoosier Seven, an Indiana native."

Seven frowned, "And you're a fan of that?"

B'Elanna took pity on her. She knew that it was a sports team, but wasn't sure of the city. She had after all been raised by a Klingon on a colony tens of thousands of lightyears from the American Midwest. Seven of Nine had no chance of knowing. "It's also the name of a sports team." She explained.

"All the sports teams of IU." Kathryn clarified, "Indiana University. Would've been my alma mater if I hadn't gone to Starfleet Academy." She sighed nostalgically, then remarked wryly, "I've failed the two of you, not introducing you to them and making fans out of you."

Seven gave a slight shrug, "I am happy to be a fan Captain, if I do not need to be _too_ fanatical and being born in Indiana is not a requirement."

B'Elanna nudged her as Kathryn beamed. "Suck-up. And keep your soccer team allegiance free, Chakotay can get fanatical." She snorted with laughter.

Seven answered with a long-suffering sigh. "I am already acquainted with that aspect of his character." She rolled her eyes jokingly, "Unfortunately."

B'Elanna snickered as she continued to take in their busy surroundings. "It's going to be a nightmare finding any access here, even if the crew find another…" She smirked at Kathryn, "…inventive way to guide us."

"I am uncertain if even easy access to the system would help in this situation." Seven opined glumly, "Given what happened last time."

"We don't want to trigger another shift, not with the safeties non-operational." Kathryn thought aloud. "At least it seems like we're safe in this programme."

Seven's eyebrows rose into her hat. "From libidinous holograms also?"

B'Elanna laughed, "Who knows?" With a shrug and a dubious glance at the band, she amended, "It looks like the entertainment in here will be milder, family friendly even."

Seven's ice blue eyes narrowed, giving a dark edge to the relaxed appearance the holodeck had forced on her. "Mild to non-existent."

Kathryn shook her head at them and exhaled as she peered curiously at the apparent hive of activity beyond this covered stage area. "Well ladies, as much as this goes against the grain, we might be better waiting this out while the crew works on a way to get us out. Let's explore." She stepped authoritatively out into the sun, like the Captain she was, as if leading an away team onto unknown alien soil. Which in a way she was. B'Elanna followed easily enough, ready to be amused, but Seven trailed behind reluctantly. Earth-centric holo-programmes made her feel out of her depth, ill-informed and inadequate. There was a reason her one experiment had been set on the familiarity of Voyager.

"Wow…" Kathryn breathed, her eyes beginning to sparkle as she took in the scene around them. The smell of sizzling hotdogs, with an undertone of freshly made corn batter, wafted to her nose, competing with the overpowering sweetness of cotton candy being spun in a massive machine to her right. That palette of scents gave her a visceral sensory memory of holding her Grandpop's warm, creased hand with the bristly hairs on the knuckles. Standing in a field just like this. The array of stalls could've been pulled from the seven-year-old Kathryn's brain; the groups of youngsters laughing as they fired at targets with water pistols, a little makeshift bowling alley, teens bickering over the control of a massive claw to manoeuvre prizes out of a bin. All of the stalls, though they provided a variety of games, were weighed down by plush cuddly toys for any winners; sometimes the proprietor of a stall, could hardly been seen over their cutesy offerings. A long table lined with goldfish bowls tinted a rainbow of colours was particularly striking, and popular. Only the lines for the sumptuous carousel was longer. Parents were continually taking pictures of kids perched on the painted horses, some clinging to the central poles tighter than others. The food trucks were different from the streamlined ones of her youth however. These looked more like she would've seen in her brief visit to 1996, boxy and crude, but the holograms flocked to them and she did recognise what was on offer. Fresh hotdogs in the classic bun, the twin red and yellow dispensers of ketchup and mustard at the ready. Fries being put in fryers, popcorn being shovelled into bags. Chilli being served up piping hot. A selection of pickles, sweet and sour. The ice cream trucks groaned with the strain of staying cold in the heat. The crowd of characters stopped at these like ports at sea, but continued heading out in a steady tide of people. She saw that beyond these immediate stalls and kids' rides, there were bigger things beyond. A tall Ferris Wheel was chief among them. She clapped her hands together, "It's a fair!" she enthused, carried away for the moment in nostalgia.

"A county fair." Seven enunciated, and Kathryn turned to her in surprise, only to find that the three of them were actually standing by a large sign, propped against one of the covered stage's support posts. Swags of blue checked fabric framed the sign, which also had balloons tied to it, and it said in elaborate cursive print:

COUNTY FAIR

Saturday Events:

Craft Show: ALL DAY, Main Building

'Best of Show' Farmers Competition: 11am-4pm, Livestock Barn

Pie Eating Competition: 5pm, Main Building

Tractor Pull: Starts 1pm, Main Arena

Frog Jump: 2pm, Kids Arena

Greased Hog: 4:30pm, Livestock Barn

Live Music: ALL DAY, Main Stage

"A tractor pull?" The Captain commented with interest, "I haven't heard of those ever actually being held in…" She shook her head in wonder, "Grandpop would _love_ this! He always moaned that our fair never put one on…" She smiled to herself as she remembered her Grandma's response to that, 'John, you've never seen a tractor pull yourself, they stopped them in your great-grandfather's day, so get your head out of your ass and take Katie on the teacups!' Her smile widened when she saw the spinning teacup ride, on which many little girls and boys were gleefully riding, just like she had.

"Captain, is this your programme?" B'Elanna finally asked with a chuckle, "You seem really taken with it…"

"I am." Kathryn readily admitted, "And if we were here freely, and whichever crewmember who designed this was here, I'd shake their hand, but since we're trapped here it dims the shine a little…"

"What _is_ a tractor pull?!" Seven demanded blankly, squinting at the sign, "Or a 'Greased Hog'?"

B'Elanna grimaced, looking at Kathryn askance, "Greased Hog sounds like something Klingons would gorge on."

Kathryn shrugged, frowning. "I have a vague idea of a tractor pull, but you're asking the wrong person about why they'd grease a pig." She now spotted that there was a clock by the sign, which was just turning to 1 o'clock, and she turned and gave Seven a slight push. "Come on, let's answer your question."

* * *

"Captain, I do not believe seeing this has answered any of my questions." Seven told her bluntly as they reached the 'Main Arena', which was really a large field with a barricaded track just off centre, with temporary bleachers set around that. The smell of petroleum fuelled internal combustion lingered around the whole programme, hung around the rides, but here it was overwhelming. The lines of revving agricultural vehicles belched fumes everywhere. A detail that surely should've been eliminated from the holodeck.

"It's not what I expected either." B'Elanna admitted, squinting dubiously at the sight as they approached the field gate serving as the official entrance. "I thought the tractors would be pulling each other apart somehow."

Kathryn shook her head at them wryly. "You're thinking more along the lines of a monster truck rally B'Elanna." She pointed towards the sleds being attached to the tractors, which where loosely grouped together in order of size. "The winner of each class is the one who's tractor can pull those sleds the farthest."

Seven blinked, "Surely the strength of each machine is precisely noted in its build specifications?"

"They're modified honey." The male hologram slouched against the gate lifted his cowboy hat to meet her eye. "These babies ain't yer average Fords 'n John Deere's 'n McCormick's. It's shapin' up to be a helluva contest." He extended a weathered hand, palm up. "Two tickets each." He advised as the holo-characters streaming through the gate each paused momentarily under his watching eye to tear off paper tickets from rolls of varying sizes.

"We don't have tickets." B'Elanna answered him, "So we'll just watch this 'Greatest Show on Earth of yours from here, huh?"

The cowboy's eyes narrowed into the folds of his sunburnt skin. "Nuh-uh, little lady. No tickets, no rubber-neckin'. You'll hafta run on back to the ticket stand and cough up a few more dollars."

B'Elanna's hackles shot up. "Little lady?! I'll show you…"

Kathryn held her back and shot the man her most charming smile as she patted down her outfit for show. "We seem to have lost track of the big roll of tickets we just bought…"

He lit a cigarette and drew on it lazily. "Sure ya did." He muttered while blocking her way.

"Excuse me but…" Kathryn started, her voice testy in response to his tone. "Hah!" she exclaimed as she found something in her overall pockets, then instantly deflated when she realised it was a half empty pack of cigarettes she had in hand. Shrugging in an effort to maintain her dignity, she held one of the innocuous looking death sticks out to him. "Trade?"

"Captain." Seven intervened, eyebrows raised as she held out a fat roll of tickets for the man to inspect. "I believe these will suffice." She glanced icily at the hologram, "We seem to have dropped these, but now I have located them. Grant us entry."

"Sure thing sweetheart." The man agreed in a saccharine drawl with a leering tar stained grin her way before waving the three of them into the field.

"Seven, where did you…" Kathryn began as they gladly scurried past him.

"They were on the ground, at my feet." Seven answered as she handed the ticket roll to B'Elanna. "There are 133 tickets on that roll." She supplied as B'Elanna began to count.

"Good, that means we can get some food. If the programme is functional enough to supply tickets when we need it, when we get some food it'll go from holographic to replicated." B'Elanna remarked with relief.

"I'd sacrifice those functions for the safety protocols and operational doors." Seven muttered.

"Even if they were serving up strawberries here too?" B'Elanna teased. Seven just glared back at her mutinously in response. "Jeez, if Chakotay were here he'd be telling you to 'Lighten up Crewman' right about now." Seven's furious blush at the use of Chakotay's joking pet name made her snicker, Chakotay never had been as subtle as he thought he was.

"It could be worse Seven." Kathryn agreed gently, "In this programme we're safe, it's not exactly one of those gun slinging programmes…" She sighed ruefully, "Or even some of our tactical scenario programmes."

"It does seem benign." Seven conceded as the three of them climbed and then shuffled awkwardly onto the bleachers. "Although…" She amended as she gazed down at the tractor pull from this improved vantage point, "…if one of those vehicles were to capsize…"

"Good thing we're 'rubber-neckin'' then and not driving." B'Elanna answered with a smirk.

"I think…" Kathryn murmured, big eyed, as the tractors began to rumble along, "The possibility of just that happening is part of why people may be rubber-necking." The crowd was already cheering around her. The commentator whose voice blasted out the loudspeakers spoke in a rapid-fire garble that was reminiscent of auctioneers' patter. She could see that Seven was already tempted to hold her hands up to her sensitive ears, between that, the screaming engines, and the roaring crowd.

B'Elanna too, gradually remembered how much the ex-drone hated crowds as Seven sat, growing stiffer and stiffer. "Let us get our tickets' worth and then we'll go." She told her sympathetically, "It's not exactly riveting stuff anyhow." She thought about taking that back as she heard the Captain whoop, which made even Seven crack an amused smile and settle down resignedly to watch. "After this we can take out our frustrations on the 'Squirt a Jerk' stall. Bet I can beat you."

"Squirt a…" Seven started, then remembered that had been the marketing name of the biggest water pistol target game stall they'd passed. "It's a bet."

* * *

"Step right up, step right up and test your strength! Come here son an' show your little lady how strong y'are!" The man boomed between mouthfuls of popcorn and less than discreet swigs from a hip flask as he tried to catch the eye of any young guy that passed.

B'Elanna snorted, stopping in her tracks in front of 'The Strongman's Ultimate Test'. It was a small pressure plate with a rudimentary scale over it, ending in a bell and flashing lights at the top. A hammer, foam and plastic, was propped against it. Kathryn had read B'Elanna's expression before her Chief Engineer had opened her mouth. "B'Elanna…"

The half Klingon ignored her, the boorish hologram already in her sights. She smirked at him, eyes distinctly narrowed, as she rolled up the sleeves of her jacket. "Is this little lady allowed to give it a try for herself?" She asked in a deceptively sweet voice that made both Kathryn and Seven edge away from her.

The hologram exhaled slowly, "Two tickets for three swings. Or…" He flashed her a patronising smile he was probably programmed to believe was charming, "…three tickets for five swings."

"I'll only need one swing mister." B'Elanna replied, reaching for the hammer.

The hologram held her arm. "Hol' yer horses little lady. You'd better warm up. An' I'd take those three swings at least."

In response, B'Elanna ripped off two tickets from their precious roll and flicked them very deliberately in his face. "Is the term 'little lady' more inflammatory than I realised Captain?" Seven commented dryly to Kathryn as the two of them watched the standoff.

"I heard that." B'Elanna said loudly as she finally claimed the hammer. Something in the back of her mind made her think of Tom's comic book collection, she knew _he'd_ have a quip ready and be placing bets, but she couldn't for the life of her remember which of his 'heroes' had a hammer or tools or whatever. If one had been an engineer her attention would've been held easier. She clapped Seven on the shoulder, "Watch this." She grinned as she took the hammer in both hands and her swing slammed into the pressure plate. At once the pointer shot up the scale, hitting the bell without running out of steam. The lights that happily lit as the bell rang out cast eerie coloured flashes over the proprietor's stunned face.

"Well, I'll be… Lady, appearances can sure be deceiving."

"Maybe." B'Elanna answered, "What do I win?"

Seven picked up the hammer as B'Elanna left it aside and approached the game. "Hey…" The man started to protest.

Seven gave him a cool glance. "We provided enough tickets for three swings. My friend has already defeated your game in one swing. Now I will make my attempt." The man backed down, his face a comical mixture of disbelief, irritation and trepidation as he moved aside. Seven didn't feel the need to take any particular position to swing, and didn't even appear especially focused as she made her one-handed swing. This was only a frivolous exercise, since B'Elanna had paid for three swings. Though the muscles in her long, pale arm barely appeared to twitch as she brought the hammer down, the pointer on the scale exploded upwards at once as if it had been fired out of a cannon. The bell clanged as it detached with the force, spinning away and hitting the grass as the lights flickered in and out in a sporadic daze.

The hologram's mouth hung open, his skin tone varying wildly from white to puce and back. "You…You…broke… You _BROKE_ it! You little bi…"

"Hey!" Kathryn intervened, "I'd stop right there if I were you. You saw what she did to your machine, perfectly calm and controlled, what do you think she'd be able to do if you got her angry?"

The man's eyes widened as he looked between his wrecked machine and Seven standing impassively by. He let out a squeak and scurried back, hands up placatingly.

"I did not intend to break your machine." Seven began quietly, a little unsettled by the idea the Captain thought her violent in anger, though logically she knew she was merely putting off the hologram. Finally she set her shoulders back and looked over at the cowering man. "But it will return to its usual condition when the programme resets."

The man just gaped at her. "Wha'?"

B'Elanna snickered but didn't hesitate to pout at Seven. "Now I won't get my prize because of you…"

"Well, I did better you, even if I did damage the machine…"

"Excuse me, I think _destroying_ the machine forfeits the win Miss Enhanced Borg Strength!" B'Elanna retorted hotly.

"I do not believe so." Seven answered primly, "Furthermore, your Klingon genes could also be seen as an advantage. Perhaps the Captain should've played first to establish an average human baseline…"

"Hey!" Kathryn broke in once more, "First of all I am not average…"

Seven was instantly contrite. "I did not mean it in a negative sense Captain…"

Janeway waved her off, "…second of all, will you stop bickering? As far as I'm concerned you both beat the game, okay?"

They both nodded in response to their Captain's warning look, but as they moved off B'Elanna muttered under her breath, "Just wait until we get to the Squirt a Jerk stall and I'll beat you fair and square…"

Seven shrugged, nonchalant. "I should remind you that I also have enhanced aim…"

"Girls!" Kathryn hissed, just in front of them. "I think we'll forget Squirt a Jerk, or darts, or fishing for ducks or whatever…" She ignored their protests and continued imperiously, "…and do something _non-_ competitive. How about the Ferris Wheel?"

* * *

The Ferris Wheel did not inspire confidence as they moved down the line. What looked like a stately ride gleaming clean white in the sun against the blue skies could be heard creaking as they moved down the line of waiting patrons. The tickets ( _three_ per person) were snatched from their fingers and they were urged up the steps before they really had time to absorb the paint peeling off the rusting metal or the fact that the hood over the seat was missing a rivet or two. B'Elanna slid on first, with Seven next and Kathryn last in. Squirming in the middle, her legs too long to be comfortable, Seven threw a sceptical eye over the metal bar waiting to be lowered onto them. "Is that the only restraint?"

B'Elanna exhaled, her back stiff against the seat. "Looks like it."

Kathryn gave a vague shrug. "It'll be secure enough surely. We'll be fine…"

"Yes'm." The attendant who suddenly popped up confirmed cheerily, "Y'all will be hunky-dory. We haven't had an incident in…" He yanked down the lap bar in one practised move, an exasperated grunt leaving his drool specked lips when the bar didn't click into place. "…say two years or so." He smirked in satisfaction as the click sounded, totally missing the three horrified looks being shot his way. "Have a sweet ride! Dutch, we're ready to fire 'er up!"

Kathryn twisted around to see out of the corner of her eye a big guy sit at the controls as the attendant sprinted away. "Actually Dutch, we're not rea…" Her protest was lodged too late. The wheel's engine gave a great, smoky couch and then the carriages spluttered forward and up. "Well…" Kathryn said faintly, "Guess we're getting a ride whether we want to or not." She looked down, expecting to enjoy the view more and more as they rose, but the instant vertigo that hit made her flinch back.

B'Elanna's eyes swivelled to her even as she sat frozen. "Bet you're wishing you'd let us play Squirt-a Jerk now, huh?" she muttered through gritted teeth.

The floor of the carriage abruptly wobbled and tilted under their feet. Gravity plucked at the bar that had been pinning, and bruising, their thighs. Both Kathryn and B'Elanna shrieked with varying intensity, since their carriage was now hitting the top of the wheel. They both looked around wildly for the culprit. "BaQa! Seven!" B'Elanna yelled. The ex-drone was gripping the bar so tightly that it was actually buckling, destabilising the whole carriage. "Do you _want_ to kill us?! We won't survive the fall with no freaking safeties!"

"B'Elanna!" Kathryn checked her sharply while putting a quivering hand on Seven's tension knotted shoulder. "Seven, let go…or at least ease up…" She blinked as she saw that her protégé's eyes were squeezed tight shut. "Seven, are you afraid of heights?" she asked sympathetically.

Seven opened her eyes a fraction, "Nej!" she choked out, though her white knuckled grip only slackened when she saw the damage and she still didn't quite let go, her fingers staying in the dents they'd created in the iron. "You've seen me go up great heights to complete a task or mission…" She pointed out defensively, "I…merely do not…appreciate scaling dangerous heights for no good reason. It is far from…'fun'."

"You should have said something rather than risk _this_!" B'Elanna growled at her in frustration, gesturing down at the now deformed bar.

"I could say the same thing to you!" Seven shot back, "And even if I were the only one afraid, it is not as if my expressing my fear, distaste or lack of interest has ever prevented the majority of the crew from pushing activities on me!"

Kathryn took a deep breath. "Seven…" She stopped, "Try to stay calm." She glanced at B'Elanna, far too pale. Seven had read her correctly. "Both of you. We're almost back down."

"Captain…" Seven forced out, "This wheel goes around four times before stopping and letting its passengers out a carriage at a time."

"Oh…" Kathryn managed, her heart sinking.

"You didn't notice that?" B'Elanna asked, incredulous.

"I was a bit busy intervening whenever the two of you threw around accusations of cheating, or when you were speculating together on schemes to cheat…" Her head had spun with how rapidly B'Elanna and Seven could go from bickering to good-naturedly planning and discussing. Hurry Chakotay, Tuvok, get us out of here!

* * *

B'Elanna had ventured into the livestock barn first, desperate for shade. Whoever had designed this programme had gone a little bit too far in pursuit of realism with the relentless, throbbing sun. Either that or the temperature controls on the holodecks had also gone haywire… No, she decided abruptly as the first wave of smell hit her. Too much realism. An obsessive, sadistic level. One of the cows, no, a bull, in the pen directly before her proudly lifted his tail and did the business. Other animals were following suit. Chickens and rabbits hung in suspended cages, their dirt had already soaked the straw below. She cursed her Klingon sense of smell even as she couldn't help but crack a smile at one particularly fluffy bunny. Holographic kids were happily petting the excited whistling guinea pigs and one was even peering under the chickens' butts for eggs. One little girl was a particularly enthusiastic searcher, her dad standing haplessly by with a little pink basket already filled with eggs. Had her dad ever done _anything_ like that? She couldn't remember. She shook her head; these are holograms…

Anyway, at least it was cooler in here. She took another bite out of her fresh corndog. Nothing like meat and fried batter to soothe the mood, and dominate the sense of smell for a minute. She checked her back pocket for the massive bottle of 'Mountain Dew' the soda that had been recommended, and drew it out for a sugary ice cold slurp. The red balloon tied to her wrist bounced, the keychain of a grinning frog attached, another prize, jangling softly.

"B'Elanna?"

She jumped before spinning around. "Don't sneak up on me like that Seven!"

"I did not intend to sneak." Seven assured her with a weary frown as she wiped her damp forehead under the brim of her hat.

"You need to cool down too huh?" Seven nodded the affirmative. "Where's the Captain?"

"Still attempting to win at the ring toss." Seven answered, taking a delicate sip of her lemonade in its Styrofoam cup. She was rapidly developing a genuine taste for this beverage, but B'Elanna and the Captain had gone to great lengths to avoid it, both muttering about someone's 'Aunt Adah' and again about the Caretaker. "I believe she thinks her practice in Fair Haven's 'pub' should be serving her better here."

B'Elanna gave a dry chuckle. "We all know it wasn't her ring tossing lessons that kept her in the pub, it was Michael the barkeep."

"I believe he was the proprietor of the pub." Seven corrected and, still sensitive about her own foray into holographic romantic substitutes, defended the Captain. "It is her own choice what she does with her holodeck time and who she spends it with."

B'Elanna sobered, raising her hands. "Believe me Seven, I get it, I do. No judgement. Just saying." Seven allowed herself a slight smirk at that. "Although I don't think she'll be inviting us to play Velocity with her again any time soon, she's getting sick of us."

"Perhaps that's why she keeps missing the ring toss. Aggravation." Seven deadpanned.

B'Elanna snickered, "Maybe you should donate your pony to make her feel better."

Seven glanced down at the tawny plush pony snug under her arm. " _I_ won this. It's mine."

"Okay, okay, just reminding you, like you never fail to, that it's holographic." B'Elanna said over her shoulder as she moved to inspect the other animals. Was that a zebra?

Seven hesitated to follow, taking a discreet handful from the big popcorn bucket the Captain and B'Elanna had already ribbed her for purchasing. She'd always avoided it during Tom's cinema nights, so they were right to tease, but it had been preferable to the multitude of deep fried foods available. It was proving to be rather…moreish. There was a sudden obnoxious bleating around her. She was by the kid goat pen and they were fighting to poke their heads out to her. They were so cute…so pleading… 'Do NOT feed the goats!' said the big sign by the pen but Seven found herself shrugging. Holographic goats would not be harmed. They can't eat… The Collective's voices hissed derisively in her ear, which just made her decision. After checking to make sure B'Elanna wasn't looking, she sprinkled some popcorn by the goats' feet.

"You're going to be followed by those goats now." Kathryn commented sagely, chuckling. "Like the Pied Piper."

Seven whirled around to meet her Captain's sparkling eyes at the barn's doorway. Her cheeks reddened as she hurriedly withdrew from the popcorn hungry goats. "I have popcorn, not a flute." She responded, deadpan.

Kathryn barked out a surprised laugh. "You know the story?"

"Naomi educated me somewhat."

Kathryn laughed again as B'Elanna approached, "Hey." The half-Klingon greeted, smirking at Kathryn. "Finally won a round of the ring toss huh?"

"Two rounds." She answered smugly, holding up her hard won bounty. Two inflatables; a big hammer and the classic lime green UFO.

Seven gave the UFO a curious poke. She had seen a similar fanciful representation of space faring vessels incorporated into the Captain Proton programme. "Oddly appropriate."

B'Elanna let out a soft guffaw. "And the hammer isn't?"

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Right, I'm 'The Hammer of the Delta Quadrant'." They all laughed before she spoke again, "I think I've solved the mystery of the 'Greased Hog', come and see."

Seven held back, "It does not sound very appealing, whatever it is."

B'Elanna raised her eyebrows. "Do human activities ever sound good to you at first?" she teased.

Seven shrugged, a wry smile pulling at her lips. "Until recently, very rarely."

"It's quite a sight." Kathryn pressed, looking at them questioningly. "Unless you'd rather hide out here…" She glanced around at the livestock, pinching her nose, only half in jest. "…with the smell?" She shook her head, "For however many hours it's going to take to get us out of here?"

B'Elanna threw Seven a joking glance, "Guess we should humour her…"

Seven smirked as Kathryn's mouth fell open. "I suppose…" She conceded, feigning reluctance.

Kathryn rolled her eyes once more, but took it as a win. "Let's go."

* * *

They heard the commotion before they were in viewing distance. A wide spectrum of squeals, from children and from pigs. The latter aggravated, the former overexcited. Below that high pitch there was the rumble of adults' encouraging, invested shouts and cheers. Seven's pace slowed as she instinctively shied away from such a raucous crowd, but when they parted enough so that she could see what they were spectating so avidly, she drew to a dead halt. "What are they doing?"

B'Elanna smiled, pushing her way through and half perching on the straw bales that were serving as a pen to watch. "Looks like a lot of little kids have been let loose to chase their own tails, or more likely the pig." She winced in sympathy as one of the littlest children chasing the pig, there were around twenty kids ranging for three to about six, slipped on the slick grass and fell flat on his face. He sprang up with renewed determination and tried to grab a corner of a plastic board one of the older boys was carrying, prepared to trap the pig against the straw.

Seven stared at the scene, flinching at every cheer from the crowd and every giggle from a child. Her hands balled into white knuckled fists, her jaw locking. "This is cruel."

Kathryn patted her arm, "It's just a few minutes of fun for the kids Seven, the pig isn't being harmed…"

"If being terrified while being chased by a pack of humans isn't being harmed, then…" Seven said through gritted teeth.

"Most farm kids will have to chase around an animal that's gotten loose at some point." Kathryn told her, "It's a normal part of farm life."

B'Elanna nodded slowly, but watched Seven's stony face carefully. "It's holograms Seven." She reminded her again, "Don't worry, I doubt this game is played with a live pig nowadays if at all. Chakotay's soft heart is influencing you…"

The mention of Chakotay was enough to make Seven's brittle temper snap. Face set, she marched over and stepped smoothly over the straw without breaking her stride. Deaf to the confusion starting to bubble up from the crowd, she stopped in the centre of the pen, staring down the curious children. "You will cease this activity _now_ children." She ordered icily.

Most of the children obeyed that tone, backing away from the pig as well as from her, but one said loudly. "What does 'cease' mean?"

"Stop." Seven answered without missing a beat.

Whining instantly started from the kids, emboldened by their parents' outrage. There were threats to get Roy, the manager of the fair, onto her, or even Big Sal himself, the owner of the beleaguered pig. Seeing that she was running out of time, Seven approached the pig, intending to pick him up and release him from the pen, but the pig could not differentiate between a pursuer and a saviour, kicking mud up her legs with its hooves as it bolted.

Seven watched it retreat, and responded by lifting one of the straw bales unaided, creating a gap in the pen that the pig immediately squeezed through. The crowd jumped out of its way as Seven beamed in triumph.

B'Elanna and Kathryn scrambled towards her, tugging her away before the holograms could descend. "Okay, you've had your 'Free Gordy' moment Seven…" B'Elanna said breathlessly, "We won't be taking _you_ to a Greased Hog event again…"

"Or attending one yourself, I should hope." Seven responded, unrepentant. Then she frowned, "The pig's name was Gordy?"

B'Elanna snorted, then saw Kathryn's equally blank expression. "When you had us watching the media content in 1996, I saw bits of a lot of movies." She explained with a shrug, "Gordy was a pig, Willy was a whale, Pooh was a bear…something about a baby beluga…it seems to have been a theme." She shook her head, "Never mind, and don't mention it to Tom. He'd never let me live it down."

Kathryn shook her head wearily, "We're never going to live _any_ of this down." She muttered.

* * *

They made their way back towards where they'd started, the novelty wearing thin. The stage was avoided in favour of the main building, hoping for not only ample seating but air conditioning and entertainment that was a little more sedate. As advertised, a craft fair was in full swing. Quilting, knitting, baking, wood carving and metal working, even glass blowing; it was all here and more.

"Chell would love it in here." B'Elanna said with a chuckle.

"Doesn't Chell already know how to knit?" Seven questioned, following B'Elanna's gaze. One of the busiest stalls appeared to be a knitting demonstration, a small circle of women answering questions over the rapid clacking of their needles.

B'Elanna responded to that with a cackling laugh. "Oh yes, he certainly does!" Her lips curved up fondly, "Miral never lacked woollen booties."

"In the full rainbow of colours if I remember rightly." Kathryn commented wryly. "Oh look, there's somewhere to sit and wait this out…" She plonked down on the back row of benches in relief, tugging irritably at her sneakers.

"Aww, she's all tuckered out from her big day at the fair…" B'Elanna easily avoided Kathryn's playful swipe even as she sat beside her on the bench. Seven perched awkwardly on the end, peering dubiously up at the stage before them.

"Pie Eating Contest?" She read from the banner above. Holograms were already lining up to ascend the steps and having bibs tied around necks to fan over mostly bulging guts.

Kathryn grimaced, "God, they really crammed this programme…"

"What flavour of pies?" B'Elanna asked, curious as she watched a row of identical and gigantic, glutinous pies being set out on the long table on the stage.

"Blueberry of course!" A woman on the bench in front of them twisted round to enthuse. "What else?"

Kathryn gave her a faint smile. "What else?" she echoed.

"Captain." The woman on the bench shot Seven a strange look as the blonde touched Kathryn's shoulder for attention. Kathryn had to concede she looked nothing like a Captain at the moment, in any century. "I see something. The programme…"

B'Elanna sat up straighter. "She's right. It's flickering." The bench suddenly felt insubstantial beneath her, and expressions flittered over characters' faces rapidly, with no coordination.

"The door!" Kathryn exclaimed, catching sight of the holodeck doors clear as day at the back of the stage. "They finally found a way to let us out!" She sprang to her feet.

"Wait Captain…" Seven tried to warn, "I believe it's just more disruption within the holomatrix…" But Kathryn was already weaving around the benches and sprinting up the steps, a woman on a mission.

Just as she reached out to tap the door's control pad, it disappeared and her hand hit the holographic, but infuriatingly solid, wooden panelling of the hall. She spun back around, huffing in frustration. She blanched as she was met with an audience of wide eyes and slack jaws. "Uh…I'm sorry." She moved to scurry back off the stage, "I'll just…"

"Oh, no ma'am." The grinning man who'd been waiting by the microphone, perhaps the announcer, grabbed her elbow in a vice like grip. "You just volunteered."

Kathryn bristled, "No, I really didn't." She retorted coldly.

The announcer's smile thinned. "Aw, come on now. Be a sport." He turned out towards the audience. "Someone needs a little encouragement guys!"

The other holograms took up his clarion call. "Eat! Eat! Eat!" They cheered as Seven and B'Elanna sat frozen with horror.

The man gang pressed her into the chair right in the middle of the stage, unveiling a steaming pie as he did so. "Isn't it tempting? I'm sure you can win…" He glanced teasingly at the men either side of her, "A petite lady like yourself must have plenty of room in her stomach, unlike these guys!" His ingratiating smile disappeared as he seized the microphone. "On the count of three!" he hollered.

"THREE…TWO…ONE!" The audience shouted, "EAT PIES!"

Kathryn recoiled against the chair, pinning herself against it as the contestants around her plunged headfirst into the pies, like pigs at a trough.

"Kahless' blood!" B'Elanna muttered, gaping. "That's gross! Impressive, but gross!" She had to turn away, but it was the noise that was getting to her, the munching, the slurping, the breathless groans of torturous pleasure. She saw then that Seven was grey, one arm slung over her exposed belly as she hunched over. "Are you okay?!"

Seven hardly dared part her lips as her stomach churned and lurched, trying to force bile up her throat. "No…"

B'Elanna had moped up enough of Miral's vomit over the past months that she knew what was coming and her maternal instincts kicked into gear. She heaved Seven's trembling body up and marched her over to the nearest refuge, a drinking fountain. With a little rough encouragement, Seven lowered her head towards the spouting water, a soft groan leaving her white lips as she dry heaved. B'Elanna found a voluminous handkerchief in the pocket of her hoodie and hurriedly wet it, dabbing Seven's pale skin. "Pull it together. Think of it this way, at least it's blueberry pie and not blood pie…"

"B'Elanna!" Seven hissed as she gagged, her grip white knuckled on the corners of the fountain.

"Sorry, just saying." B'Elanna winced as Seven's knees started to buckle, rubbing her back in sympathy, more than a little nauseated herself. She risked the briefest of glances back at the stage. "The Captain's holding her own, she's just…splattered."

"Ugh…" Seven moaned weakly in answer, wishing now she hadn't indulged in that popcorn and lemonade.

An older man behind them, hovering in wait for the drinking fountain, finally lost patience and waggled a finger in Seven's general direction. "Someone has been up to the Devil's business!" he proclaimed, loud and disapproving, before slouching off.

Seven blinked a few times, swallowing a few times experimentally as some of the nausea receded. "What? Devil's business?"

B'Elanna glared at the man's back. "He assumed that you're pregnant." She replied, giving Seven's bare, buckled stomach a gentle poke. "So suck it in."

Seven instantly straightened, offended. "I have nothing to suck in." She retorted, "Why do people always assume that a nauseated female is a pregnant female?" she groused.

B'Elanna sighed, "Because occasionally they're right." She said with a roll of her eyes. "Feel better?"

"Better than before." Seven murmured, "Although do not make me watch any more…" She trailed off, staring ahead. "The water bed…"

"What?" B'Elanna said blankly, reaching up to check Seven's forehead. "Have you somehow managed to get sunstroke in a holodeck programme?" Seven wordlessly pointed ahead of them, where, ludicrously, the bed from the hotel programme was suddenly smack bang in the middle of the room. The Captain shoved her uneaten pie aside, in the waiting paws of a competitor, as she stared in disbelief.

The sensation of falling slammed into them, like a nightmare, and suddenly they were a tangle of limbs back on the water bed, staring up at the hotel room's ceiling, and into the holo-hunk's wide eyes. "Uh…hello again ladies."

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 **A/n: Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n: Thanks so much to TheLadyMage for all of her help on this chapter! Check out her brilliant stories!**

 **I do not own Star Trek: Voyager.**

* * *

"Ugh…" Kathryn groaned through gritted teeth as she struggled to find purchase to heave herself upright. The water bed was completely unsupportive, built more for wallowing in than springing up.

"Captain!" Seven protested sharply as she got an elbow in the ribs and a scratch on the arm in quick succession.

"Sorry Seven, I'm just trying to…"

"Will _both_ of you get up?" B'Elanna growled hoarsely, "I'm suffocating down here!" Somehow in the abrupt, surreal transfer between programmes, B'Elanna had ended up at the bottom of the haphazard dogpile on the water bed and, losing patience, she kicked out at random.

"I'm moving B'Elanna, it is unnecessary to kick me…" Seven muttered, aggrieved at her three injuries as she managed a clumsy shuffle to the edge of the bed and hopped off.

The Captain's dignity was not so maintained. As she finally managed to push herself up, leaning back on her hands, the bed's equilibrium was upset by Seven's movement and she toppled back, legs spread eagle right in front of the holo-hunk's eyes as she landed heavily on B'Elanna. Their heads knocked together, but B'Elanna's pained yelp was a little more strident than that warranted.

"B'Elanna?" Kathryn managed in breathless concern as the grinning holo-hunk did the gentlemanly thing at long last and offered a hand to pull her out of the water bed's clutches.

"I'm okay…" She muttered, "It's just that my boobs already feel like they're going to burst without you trying to crush them like grapes…"

"You need to get back to Miral…" Kathryn realised, "I'm sorry B'Elanna, I didn't even think. Since she's on some solid food now…" She glared at the hologram as he gawked at B'Elanna's breasts, snatching her hand out of his as soon as her feet hit the floor. "She has a baby to nurse at home, get your mind out of the gutter!"

The hologram reddened further. "I wasn't…"

B'Elanna snorted, though whether it was entirely at the hologram or at Kathryn's naivety wasn't clear as she said, "She may be eating some solids, but she's not weaned. The fact that she can also take a bottle doesn't stop my body from constantly prepping either…"

Seven winced in sympathy. "Eating and drinking as you did at the fair will not have helped the situation."

"No." B'Elanna answered shortly, "But even if I'd starved myself since getting trapped in here, it still would've ended up like this, believe me."

"I presume the most helpful thing would be to get you out of here?" Kathryn asked.

"Yep." B'Elanna confirmed succinctly, arching a brow the hologram's way. "Unless you happen to have a breast pump laying around in here?" She cackled at his deer in headlights expression. "Too kinky for you, huh?"

"We should check the coffee machine." Seven suggested, "The crew may have sent another message."

"Good thinking." Kathryn agreed, wrapping the kimono tighter around her as she swept imperiously past the hologram to reach the enticing coffee machine. She squinted down the screen. "Come on, guys…" She grumbled, giving the machine an impatient rap of her knuckles. Her delight as words belatedly appeared was short lived. "'STILL TRYING'?!" she seethed

"Thomas Eugene Paris!" B'Elanna fumed, her hands white knuckled fists around the silk sheets, "If you don't get us out of here _soon_ , the holodeck is the only place you'll be getting any…"

The holodeck shifted again, cutting her off as photons disassembled and reformed around them, forcing the three of them to bend to a programmer's will. Their eyes had instinctively closed, but vertigo was inevitable, as was the shock when their eyes reopened and focused. They were on a dancefloor once again, but it couldn't be more different from the homespun wooden stage they'd found themselves on at the fair. White marble, with its silvery veins glistening under the soft glow of candlelight. Graceful violin music, a waltz if Seven wasn't mistaken, floated over to their ears. Drawn to the sound, her eyes absorbed the sight of the string quartet, backlit by gilded candelabras. The musicians were in full suit and tails, as were the all the male holograms, from the white clad waiters to the waltzing men in black, each with a woman in an extravagant ballgown in their arms. The ballroom had multiple gothic windows, most opening out onto the wrapround balcony, but through them all unrealistically bright moonlight shone in. As one exuberant pair glided past her, Seven saw that they were both wearing masquerade masks. Every hologram was. Tentatively, she brought her fingers to her face and felt a heavily bejewelled mask around her own eyes. The skirts that lay thickly over the…hoop swaying on her hips (Why would anyone design an outfit that required more support than the human body itself could provide?) rustled as she twisted around. In a presumption that the type of people who activated this programme liked to admire themselves, there were mirrors on every wall.

Her dress was a frothy confection of heather coloured silk, draped seamlessly over the hoops that provided sheer circumference. The cap sleeve was almost too low to be called such, exposing all of her shoulders. Her hair was piled up in curls over her head, leaving the access that must've been necessary to fasten the ornate necklace around her neck. The matching amethysts on the mask glittered, as her eyes, rendered violet by the tone of her clothes, stared wide. "This is…elaborate."

"That's one word for it." Kathryn agreed, just behind her in the mirror. Her dress, perhaps to avoid totally swamping her petite frame, was more bustle than hoop, in a deep royal blue. Sapphires dripped from her ears and wrists, and rimmed her mask. "It's…beautiful…" She breathed, then flushed self-consciously, turning to humour to hide her slip. "But it does make my backside look bigger than it strictly needs to, doesn't it?" She barked an affronted laugh when Seven merely nodded.

"I don't think this programmer knew the meaning of the words 'less is more'." B'Elanna griped, though not without amazement in her voice. Her skirt wasn't quite as big as Seven's but the fabric made up for any decrease in volume. Layer after layer of delicate silver crepe, with the long off the shoulder sleeves of lace worked with silver thread. There was a diamond broach sitting proud right where the neckline dipped into a sweetheart. That was larger, and just as blinding, as the diamonds encrusting her mask. "I think I'm meant to be the richest of the three of us…"

"Or the most gauche." Kathryn broke in with a smirk.

B'Elanna chuckled, then grimaced, her hands flying to her ribs. "…but I also think this corset is real…"

Kathryn tried to take a deep breath and almost choked. "Mine too. Holographic but laced _tight_ …"

"Captain…" Seven stared at Kathryn disbelievingly as she tried to adapt, "How could you ever run a programme that required such a garment?"

Kathryn shook her head at her. "Even when I was playing the governess in that bodice ripper, I never actually programmed the damn corset in, I just had the characters believe I was wearing one…"

A dazzlingly handsome and suitably mysterious man so masked, approached them, his white gloved hand extended. "Could I ask one of you beautiful ladies to take a turn around the floor with me?"

"I would…" Kathryn wheezed, "But I can't really breathe right…" Her lungs suddenly gratefully, blissfully, expanded. They'd been shunted to another programme.

She liked the programme immediately, just by looking down at herself and seeing that she was back in her own clothes from the Velocity match. This programme obviously didn't feel the need to force them into a mould…

Seven on the other hand dismissed her restored clothing, gritting her teeth as the headache she'd come to grimly anticipate pierced her skull for the second time in 3.47 minutes. It did seem as if her cortical array was adapting faster with each shift however as her mind cleared one more. This programme couldn't be more different than the fantastical, baroque ballroom. A boxy classroom, starkly lit, beige blinds drawn down over the windows. Something about it reminded her of Sickbay, though there was no equipment to speak of. Only tables, always in sets of three, in different parts of the room, as intended to be work stations, but for the moment they were bare. It was the smell, she decided. That tart odour of sterility that burned the back of the throat. There was a note of a softer scent beneath, but she couldn't quite identify it. "What kind of…"

"Ghuy'cha!" B'Elanna's horrified curse cut off her question. "Not this! Damn holodeck…"

As if summoned by her voice, a holo-character suddenly appeared in front of them. The calculated smile she flashed at B'Elanna was high wattage, but disdainful. "You won't be kissing your baby with that mouth in my class Ms Torres."

B'Elanna snorted as she eyed her old gaoler combatively. The lurid floral print dress was offensive enough, but she knew her teaching attitude was ten times worse. "If she were here, I could do whatever I wanted with my baby. I've already been through your classes."

The hologram blinked, confusion passing over her face before it disappeared as if it had never been. Whatever circuitry that connected the previous incarnation B'Elanna had met to this one failed in that moment, the 'memory' was corrupted. "You still have things to learn, and I'll make sure you do." In a blink of an eye, a baby appeared bundled up in her arms. "For the sake of this little one…" She simpered. The baby turned its curly brown head on her shoulder to face them, revealing those distinctive, delicate forehead ridges and big shining golden brown eyes rimmed with honey coloured eyelashes.

"Mi…" B'Elanna choked out a cry, a radiant smile eliminating her aggrieved expression as warmth spread over her. "Miral…" She wiped her eyes hastily as they welled up, flushing with embarrassment at her reaction. The _real_ Miral was outside, testing whoever was babysitting her, and so much more grown up… She claimed the baby, cuddling her to her at once. She was warm, her breath still gently tickled…

"Support her head." The hologram instructed imperiously, her eyes like lasers.

B'Elanna sent her a vicious glare. "I _know_." Her temper really started to flare, "I've _had_ my baby, I know more than you ever…"

"B'Elanna?" Kathryn intervened, "Which programme is this?"

"The Doctor's baby care class." B'Elanna answered, her jaw locking as she caught her eye. "The one you encouraged me to keep attending when I complained and the Doctor went to you."

Kathryn's face was a picture of mortification. "Oh." She squeaked, gulping. "Well, I didn't think it was going to be quite like this, with…" She exhaled, floundering. "I have to heed the Doctor's efforts sometimes and Samantha attended when she was expecting Naomi…"

"And we've commiserated and bitched about it plenty." B'Elanna responded with a dry smirk.

Seven sighed softly, "You agree with the Doctor in exchange for some peace." She remarked wanly, "I know Captain." She patted her arm in passing as Kathryn gazed at her wide eyed, moving to examine 'Miral'. "A fairly accurate facsimile, although the real Miral's lips were fuller." B'Elanna smiled at her. "The Doctor developed this from scans in utero?"

"Yes." The engineer confirmed, "Although I might not have let have let him run so many if I knew beforehand he was going to badger me into these classes…"

"You're exaggerating now B'Elanna." Kathryn cut in with a jerk of her head, the colour on her face belying her brisk tone, revealing at least a smidgen of guilt for her part in the 'badgering'. "It can't be that bad…"

"Nothing about my classes are bad. I strike for excellence and I achieve it." The teacher interrupted tartly, staring down her long nose at her.

Kathryn bristled. "Well, good for you." She retorted. Yes, it was definitely the Doctor who'd programmed this one. She couldn't restrain a snort, and a smile at holo-Miral, when the baby looked over at the teacher, scrunched her nose, and began to wail lustily.

"That's my girl." B'Elanna concurred proudly as she automatically began to rock the baby, though winced as she remembered again that this wasn't Miral. The crying was real though, too real. "Ugh…" She grimaced, yanking at the shirt that was already beginning to cling to her with that familiar wetness. "Crap, she's making me leak…"

"A perfectly natural reaction to an infant's cries in lactating women." The teacher remarked, terse and judgemental.

"And an efficient one, if her real baby was here to take advantage." Seven muttered.

The hologram merely blinked at her and gestured towards a large chair that obligingly appeared. "Our breastfeeding station. I'm happy to provide latching instruction."

"No thanks." B'Elanna growled, but she did slump into the chair, hating the tears that pricked her own eyes as she held a baby she couldn't console against aching breasts streaming milk all over her. "I wouldn't take it from you, and this little one can't feed from anyone or anything!"

"Are you certain of that?" The Captain queried uncertainly, "Maybe it would work as well as any holographic breast pump we're likely to find…"

"The baby isn't programmed to be a container." Seven reminded her, "If holograms could ingest real food, the Doctor would already be doing so."

B'Elanna cracked a calculating smile as she tried to quiet her holographic burden and get herself comfortable. "Then we'd promptly add several kilos in weight to his appearance protocols."

"If those were that easy to alter he'd have had a full head of hair all these years." Kathryn said with a short, throaty laugh as she rubbed B'Elanna's back ineffectually. "It could be worse, we'll just sit here and reminisce about the real Miral until her daddy and the others break us out of here." She glanced askance at B'Elanna's soaked shirt, "We'll get you…a cup or something to…"

B'Elanna choked on her brittle laugh as she saw how genuinely out of her depth and awkward Janeway really was right now. The teacher hologram was not as kind. "Oh no, you'll not just be relaxing." She said in a clipped voice, "You two ladies are enrolled in class too."

Seven frowned quizzically, but took the bait. "There is no reason for the Captain and I to…"

The hologram raised a hand to silence her, tutting even as she smiled, resting her other hand protectively on one of the two bassinets now flanking either side of her. "Come and see your reason."

Seven stared at her for a moment, frozen, but found her feet propelling her forward of their own accord. She had to steady herself on the bassinet as she leaned tentatively in. What she saw, though part of her expected it, stole the breath she'd been holding in. "Oh…"

The teacher's secretive smile became smug. "Told you."

"Seven?" Kathryn pressed, suddenly anxious when her protégé made no reply to that rudeness, sarcastic or otherwise. She hadn't even seemed to hear it. Hovering there over the bassinet, she made a decision, gently scooping its occupant out. Kathryn started as she turned to face them. "Wha…How…"

"I…" Seven swallowed, her throat quivering as the baby, even smaller than Miral, snuggled into her, blinking dewy black eyes and yawning wide as he settled in the crook of her neck. Above him, Seven's eyes were huge and rapidly growing just as wet, her face chalk white.

B'Elanna rose back to her feet, jiggling 'Miral' skilfully as she approached, grinning as she reached out and tickled the baby boy's feet. "Oh, I think we all know who your papa is programmed to be…" She half cooed, half chuckled. "Hola pequeño, soy Tía B'Elanna." She looked up at Seven's awed face. "Stamp a little tattoo on that brow and he'd be his double."

Seven cupped a protective hand over the baby's forehead, the new downy black hair feathery soft against her palm. "Nej…" She mumbled, shaking her head, though she was instinctively careful not to jostle him. "Nej…"

B'Elanna frowned at the ex-drone's stricken expression. "Hey, I was only joking about the tattoo. I won't be programming it in."

Seven flinched, "No, that's not…" She swallowed once more. "I cannot _have_ children." She whispered shakily, beginning to pace while cuddling the baby tighter. "This…This is cruel…" She gave her head another fervent shake. "Chakotay, he…I can't…"

"Seven." Janeway broke in with gentle authority, unable to stop herself smiling a little at the baby as she leaned over him to take his 'mother's' shoulders. "Don't start beating yourself up or taking things to heart, we're under enough stress…" Seven immediately tried to school her expression, act professional, but Kathryn checked that by squeezing her arms in reassurance. "What I mean is, Chakotay loves you for yourself, or else I wouldn't have approved…" Seven smirked weakly as Kathryn and B'Elanna both chuckled. All three knew the couple would do whatever they wanted. "And you're still young, the Doctor has plenty of time to assess things…" Lots of time, she mentally repeated. She didn't want her protégé rushing into anything because a holodeck programme left her broody and guilty.

B'Elanna smiled kindly, "Knowing the Doctor, he started on the fertility talk as soon as he knew you two were an item. I know Tom and I were continually getting reminded about Klingon/Human conception rates long before Miral shocked us all."

Seven cringed even as she gave a weak laugh, a little colour returning to her face. "He did." She confirmed, "I had to remind him that he had copulation in his social classes and I told him even at that time that I was well aware. And by the time he brought it up this time…" She blushed but pressed on, "'The horse had already run', is that the appropriate Indiana expression Captain?"

Janeway barked a laugh despite a flush of embarrassment. "'Bolted', but yes that's pretty much right."

Another infant's impatient wail pierced their ears. Only B'Elanna didn't start at the sound, merely glancing over at Seven in amusement. "Do twins run in your family?"

Seven didn't quite see the joke, paling again. "Yes." She confirmed shortly, "My father and my aunt were twins, but…"

The teacher broke in with a dry chuckle. "If you'd delivered twins my dear, you'd remember." She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "And besides, twins and their parents are enrolled in an entirely different class."

"Then whose…" Kathryn baulked before the question had fully left her mouth, backing away from the holographic gaoler of mothercare. "No, no. You can't be serious…"

"I'll admit, you certainly fall into the elderly primigravida category, but that's the wonders of modern medicine."

"That's not what I was referring to!" Kathryn shot back, "I'm not 'elderly' anything…" She huffed, "Between these two…" She gestured wildly at Seven and B'Elanna, "…Harry, _her_ husband…" She jerked her head in B'Elanna's direction, "…and for that matter my whole crew on occasion. I mother enough already!"

"It's true." B'Elanna concurred sagely, her smirk wide. "The crew call her 'Mama Kate' you know."

Seven nodded her own assent as Kathryn's mouth dropped open slightly. "Yes, that is one of many familial nicknames." A wicked glint sparked in her blue eyes, "I can list them: 'Mama Kate', 'Captain Coffee', Captain…"

Kathryn snorted loudly as if a release valve had been turned. "I'll admit that 'Captain Coffee' is apt." She conceded with a good-humoured grimace.

"There are many more Captain, the crew have coined almost as many for you as they have for me." Seven pressed, tongue firmly in cheek. Behind her, B'Elanna snickered, though she winced at the movement in her chest.

"I don't need to hear them Seven." Kathryn replied firmly, giving the teacher a pointed look. "See? Juvenile."

"It seems like someone else is having difficulty accepting the reality of a baby." The teacher remarked resignedly before reaching into the second bassinet and pulling out another precious bundle. "It goes beyond your crew now."

Kathryn's jaw dropped further as the sight of the baby, another little boy. Gorgeous dark skin and a head of tiny curls. Her deep blue eyes. Delicately pointed ears… Does. Not. Compute.

"Kahless' bloodied bat'leth…" B'Elanna breathed.

"I concur." Seven agreed in a whisper, her own concerns over the baby she cuddled easily in her arms forgotten as she rubbed his little back while thinking. "The holodeck, in its dysfunction, must draw from proximity readings, or other data, rather than confirmed relationships…" She speculated awkwardly, not meeting the Captain's eye even as Kathryn nodded vigorously as she backed away. Next to her, B'Elanna snorted, unconvinced. If her hands hadn't been full with a baby, and B'Elanna's too, Seven would've seriously considered elbowing her as she'd seen the engineer do to Tom countless times.

Kathryn gulped, a vein in her neck bulging. Her horror was enough to stifle B'Elanna's laughter just enough that she was able to speak. "Aww, come on Captain. He's adorable, look at that little Starfleet uniform sleeper…"

Conflicted emotions warred over Kathryn's face. "Yeah…" She admitted, "But that doesn't mean…"

"Well, I mean to get on with my class now." The teacher announced brusquely, unceremoniously dumping the baby in Kathryn's frozen arms. It was either take him on let him fall to the floor. Thankfully she chose the former, but held him as far from her as possible. The hologram sniffed, "He's not going to burn you. The worst you'll get is a little spit or vomit, and that's more likely the longer you let him howl like that."

Kathryn glanced guiltily as the squalling infant, awkwardly drawing him closer as she glared at the hologram. "Your class is going to make all of us cry." She muttered, grimacing at her weak retort, true as it was. As the baby's wails grew shriller, making her ears ring as his little fists flailed against her chest, she started to pace, mind reeling. "You don't have any fresh ideas about how to get out of here do you?" She asked despairingly.

B'Elanna sighed as she rocked Miral. The holographic half Klingon was looking around her, little head whipping around, and seemed distinctly unimpressed, though _her_ crying had softened to grumpy little whimpers. "Unfortunately not." She replied dryly.

That infuriating glorified stork of a hologram clapped her hands loudly. Even Seven's 'son', infuriatingly calm to Kathryn in her current predicament, whined at the noise. "As I said, time to get on with the class! Task 1: Diaper changing."

B'Elanna frowned towards the three changing tables that popped obnoxiously into existence in front of them. "You tend to get plenty of practice in that before you get released from Sickbay, and definitely long before you're awake enough to attend a class."

"Do we need to engage with this scenario?" Seven questioned quietly, "I realise the safety protocols are off, but no matter how irate this hologram becomes, there are no threats to us here…" She was cut off as said hologram pulled her forcefully towards the changing table, jostling the baby. "Helvete!" she hissed, holding her ground and yanking her arm free.

"Don't be rude." The hologram chided, "Or nervous. He'll be fine."

"He's fine right now, asleep. He does not require changing…" Seven started to argue, though part of her wondered why. This was all holographic, and she _should_ know better than to invest real feelings within the confines of the holodeck.

"What babies need most is a routine." The teacher simpered, "You'll thank me for helping you later."

B'Elanna walked confidently to the changing table she knew was supposed to be Miral's changing table since it was pink. "Let's just get on with it until everything shifts again."

"Easy for you to say." Kathryn replied as she watched B'Elanna start to change Miral with almost sickening proficiency. Slowly she set 'her' baby down, a flicker of a self-conscious smile passing over her lips as he suddenly stilled and gazed at her with intense, unblinking eyes. "But maybe it's just what you need, huh?"

Seven and B'Elanna exchanged an amused glance. "Yes Captain." They agreed in unison.

Seven reluctantly brought the baby down from her shoulder, wincing in guilt as he stirred. If this had been reality, she would've let him be, or set him back down in the bassinet. What was the point in disrupting already rare sleep? But she caught the hologram's eye and proceeded with the task, though very carefully. She was hardly as efficient as B'Elanna, but she managed sufficiently. She was just pulling a clean sleeper over little limbs that were reluctant to cooperate, having curtailed any complaints before it developed into a full crying fit, when the Captain yelped.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, grimacing down at her wet shirt in shock as she struggled to stop the half-Vulcan from rolling off the table.

"He shoots, he scores." B'Elanna chuckled as she sank back into the nearest chair with Miral.

The Captain looked to Seven, fellow 'mother' of a son. "How did you avoid that?"

Seven shrugged distractedly, her attention on fastening the sleeper's fiddly studs. "It's a rather obvious hazard Captain." She sighed in response to Kathryn's exasperated frown, pulling out a few baby wipes from the pack by her elbow and handing them to her. "One of these served as a sufficient barrier."

"Right." Kathryn exhaled, taking the handful of wipes in a useless attempt to wipe off the holographic pee before she followed Seven's advice. "I'm sorry. Puppies I can do, but babies? Apparently not."

"Well, you don't have a choice in here." The hologram broke in gleefully. "Time for Lesson 2: Bath time."

Seven glared at her at disbelief. "We just changed and redressed these infants, and now you want us to bathe them? Your lesson order is highly illogical…"

"Don't talk about logic right now Seven, please… Kathryn ground out.

* * *

"Ugh, I need to get out of here…" B'Elanna groaned uncomfortably. Her breasts were now so tender that she was left continually gritting her teeth, and ready for this damn holodeck to swallow her up. All the more galling was the fact that holo-Miral was contentedly finishing a bottle she'd had to sterilise to the witch's satisfaction. She'd never moan about the replicators getting it wrong again... At least Miral was quiet now, unlike little Janeway Jr. She cast an eye, only half-hearted in her sympathy given her own predicament, across the room. The hologram was trailing the Captain like a drill sergeant, issuing commands as Kathryn marched ceaselessly, wrestling with the inconsolable baby in her white-knuckled grip. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a door and almost cheered when she saw the tell-tale sign above. "Hey, let's make a break for it." She turned her head sharply when the superior Borg ears beside her seemed to ignore her. "Seven?!"

Seven's head jerked up from where she was engrossed in the baby in her arms. An irritated, instinctive frown flickered over her brow, one hand starting to rise to put a finger to her lips. "B'Elan…" She caught herself, her eyes widening before she straightened. The baby adapted to her movements, curling into her tighter with only a sleepy snuffle. "Yes?" she asked stiffly.

"It looks like, however messed up this holodeck's getting, it's still providing us with a bathroom." B'Elanna replied, watching Seven follow her gaze to the discreet door. She rolled her shoulders, but that of course brought her no relief. "I'm going to make a run for it."

Seven's eyes, which had returned to her baby after noting the bathroom, shot to the teacher, still fighting the battle with the Captain. "You would be stopped."

"She hasn't paid us much attention since bath time." B'Elanna pointed out, "We have the good babies. That and I already know better than what she's trying to shove down our throats and you've proven to be quite the baby whisperer…"

Seven blushed deeply. "I…I have only been attempting to adapt to our current situation." She reminded her, "And these are holographic babies in a malfunctioning programme…"

B'Elanna took pity on her, smiling encouragingly even as she rolled her eyes. "Just take the compliment Seven. The Captain would love to trade places with you right now."

Seven's lips pursed guiltily. "Maybe I should take him from her again…" Humming to him and rubbing him properly dry had been enough for her to soothe the most recalcitrant baby. At the time, the Captain had been clearing up the floor after accidently capsizing the baby bath she'd been using.

"She'd thank you for it, but I wouldn't. I need the distraction." B'Elanna answered frankly, rising slowly to her feet. "So, are you going to be my lookout or not?"

Seven glanced briefly between the aggravated Captain and B'Elanna's genuinely pained and weary face. Standing up, careful not to wake the baby as she shifted him onto her shoulder, she stepped forward and claimed Miral. "Move quickly."

B'Elanna nodded gamely and sprang forward. They stuck close to the walls. Unfortunately, the hologram chose that moment to start to turn towards them. Kathryn, as exasperated as she was, saw enough of B'Elanna's desperate expression to take one for the team. "Isn't walking with them supposed to help?" she asked suddenly, loud and shrill. She didn't need to act. As the hologram turned fully back to her with some ready answer, B'Elanna and Seven slipped into the bathroom.

Seven kept an eagle eye on the door, Miral and her…'son' curled on either side of neck, as B'Elanna made a beeline for the sink. "How long are you likely to take?"

B'Elanna answered with an irritable sigh. "As full as I am? It's going to be a little while without a baby or a pump…" She saw Seven's raised eyebrow in the cracked mirror above the sink. "Shut up Seven."

"I didn't say anything…" She glanced down at the sleeping Miral. "Perhaps we could re-programme her somewhat to help…"

B'Elanna shook her head. "Nope. Like you said, holograms aren't meant to eat. Besides, I'm not messing around with the programming while we can't even get the door to open. No, this'll be easier." She exhaled heavily, "I wish it wasn't. I know the Captain is in hell, but…"

"Apparently not anymore." Seven cut her off. Silence had abruptly fallen on the other side of the door.

"If that hologram breaks in here, I'm squirting her in the eye!" B'Elanna growled viciously, "That'll teach her!"

"Yes." Seven agreed hesitantly, her nose scrunching. "You can do that?"

"Ha!" B'Elanna snorted, "Just ask Tom!"

* * *

"Is she serious?" Harry asked Tom incredulously.

"Not entirely…" Tom hedged with an awkward chuckle, "I don't know what she was aiming for, but she only got my arm…" Deftly changing the subject, he turned to Chakotay, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Aww, look how cute your kid would be… That's what thinking right Chief?"

Chakotay coloured, "Tom…" He warned, but still kept his eyes on the screen. He'd always known that Seven was good with children, but seeing her with babies, holographic or not, was eye-opening. His heart twisted again thinking of her moment of grief and guilt. They hadn't discussed it as such, but he realised she was fearful. He hadn't wanted to push, hurt her, but…

"I mean, not as cute as Miral…" Tom continued, "But a handsome little devil…looks just enough like Seven to save him…"

Chakotay lost patience. "Shut up Tom."

"What?" Tom protested, spreading his hands out. "It's a boy. Boys aren't cute, they're handsome. Just don't get any ideas. Miral can't have a boyfriend until she's thirty-two."

"Thirty-two?" Chakotay echoed doubtfully.

"Yeah…" Tom confirmed with a thoughtful nod. "Thirty-two is the perfect age."

"Tom, B'Elanna is only twenty-nine…" Harry pointed out.

"Well, that's B'Elanna." Tom replied without missing a beat. "This is my princess we're talking about."

Chakotay bristled. "So…what? Your little princess isn't allowed to have anything to with my son? What are you saying about my son?"

Harry's eyes moved between them in disbelief. "Uh, he's holographic Chakotay…"

Tom broke battle stance enough to snicker. "Not for long the way he and Seven are taking to parenting."

"It's the _principle_." Chakotay argued defensively, but couldn't help smiling.

"Perhaps…" Tuvok's voice boomed over the comm. line from the Bridge. "You should concern yourselves with getting them out rather than discussing Miral's future romantic prospects."

Tom huffed, "Well I already know that _his_ holographic son isn't in the running. What a little devil…" When neither Chakotay nor Harry laughed, his eyes went to the screen. "Oh no…" He murmured, dead serious now.

Chakotay's eyes narrowed into lethal slits as he saw the shock and fear in Seven's face. "Whose responsibility was it to delete the Borg Cube simulation?" he snarled.

* * *

 **A/n: Please review! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/n: Thanks to TheLadyMage for all her help on this chapter! :)**

 **I do not own Star Trek: Voyager.**

* * *

The increase in pressure struck her first. It should have levelled her, but instead it immediately eased the now expected headache from the transition, which, this time had been seamless. Efficient. A 2.134 kilopascal rise in pressure. It contoured her old shell comfortably to her body. What she'd been stripped of had returned, invulnerability replacing that weak near nakedness. 92% humidity. 39.1 degrees centigrade. The combination embraced her in a soothing balm, rehydrating biology parched by the demands of essential enhancements on the path to perfection.

The Cargo Bay was cold and dry. As was required for storage, and she'd adapted. Chakotay. His…quarters. When he'd realised she liked heat, he'd changed the settings in his quarters; having been raised on a tropical planet, he'd accommodated her with apparent ease. But he couldn't replicate this. Not that she'd wanted him to. A balance had to be found that was comfortable for both of them. She tried to visualise those quarters, ground herself, but they were distant. Almost a dream.

Her eyes snapped open. The acuity of her vision was jarring for a millisecond, but her brain quickly caught up as it accepted what it saw. The light that bathed her surroundings was as natural for her vision as sunlight, more so. Her body was now performing at peak efficiency in the environment so painstakingly designed for it. She read from multiple outlets of information at once, revelling in the complexity, the layers of meaning built into the streamlined numeric script that was so innately simple for her native mind.

"What is _this_ doing on this system?" The voice was a snarl.

"We've had to study and reconnaissance a Cube often enough." This female sounded calmer, resigned.

"I _know_. But I like to think that those have been use once and permanently delete variety! We always hope whatever encounter with them will be the last! Why keep a reminder that's a pipe dream on the holodeck to bite us on the ass in situations like this?!"

"I don't know B'Elanna! I assure you that I'll be looking into our procedures for running the holodeck when we finally get out of here…"

B'Elanna. And the Captain. She could hear them. But not as she should. There were no others. Her thoughts were her own. Alone. Discomfort returned with a vengeance, a tightness in her chest puncturing her bubble of contentment. Her heart thudded and raced, a useless attempt to fill the silence. It only echoed through her ears. She turned, unable to stop herself from seeking out others. Two drones. Only two in a chamber that could accommodate 30. One repair drone, the other tactical. Designations…why didn't she know?

Ragged breathing. Whimpering. She couldn't pinpoint her exact location, which was strange, but it must be near an assimilation chamber if such useless but inevitable sounds were dominating. The two drones heard it too. They turned to her. There were screams now. Yes, assimilation. It must be. Someone was resisting…

"Seven! Seven!" The drone that had been B'Elanna had her by the shoulders. Restraining her. Or the other way around. She'd assimilated her. The hybrid's ocular implant blinked at her impassively as the organic eye flashed desperately. The Captain's grey face was full of pain. Guilt. Regret. She had warned her…

"Förlåt…förlåt…sorry. I'm sorry...jlthlj... Förlåt mig!" The whispered lament deteriorated into a stricken howl of grief.

"I know, I know." Kathryn murmured soothingly, forcing the words past the expanding lump in her throat. Of course, memories of her own brief stint as a drone had rushed back as she'd caught a glimpse of her reflection. The revulsion. The realisation of her own deluded choice to put herselfthis even with an escape planned; deriding her own ego. Seeing B'Elanna as a drone once more was a visceral horror, guilt turned her stomach…until she heard a string of curses that couldn't possibly be sanctioned by the Collective and saw that intense scowl. There was no element of undercover here, no risk. It wasn't real. But to Seven it was. She was right back in that brig with her, that wild-eyed, lost girl. "We're okay Seven, it's the holodeck, remember? The Borg aren't here, this isn't real…"

It may as well have been. Seven thought miserably, gazing at the Captain helplessly. The dichotomy between relief and horror would've been the same on a real Borg vessel. Part of her would always belong there, even if she tried to reject it. She blinked, startled by the wet tracks on her cheeks, then threw her head back, fighting to straighten her shoulders. "I'm sorry." She repeated dully. It had been her screaming before. Yet her body was shaking like an addict's in withdrawal. In those first few blissful moments here, the false dawn, she would've sold her reconstructed soul to have it forever.

"Listen, Seven." B'Elanna stated authoritatively as the other woman struggled to draw breath. When she'd felt like that, she'd thrown herself out of planes without the safeties on. _Those_ programmes better not pop up next in this game of Russian roulette, holodeck style… "Focus on what's not right, beyond us looking like this." She grimaced and Kathryn mirrored her emphatically. "I know that if you _look_ , you'll see things wrong with this programme, things that would never be on a real Cube."

Seven's stare was bleak for a split second. Then her eyes drifted down, full of shame at first, before they fixated on the floor. "These flooring panels are out of alignment." She mumbled, exhaling in a rush as she took refuge in a critical scan of the room. "And the majority of the data presented on these consoles is…gibberish." She nearly laughed in exhilaration.

"You've got that right." B'Elanna agreed, giving her arms a supportive final squeeze before releasing her. The crisis had passed.

"Of course she does." Kathryn said with a fond smile, though the worry didn't leave her holo-assimilated face.

"Thank you for the confidence." Seven replied, her voice still hoarse. Now that her mind was clearing, it was painfully obvious, just as B'Elanna had pointed out, that this was a simulation. She had no control over these 'implants', they were inert. _Decorative_ , she thought with a shudder. The improvement she'd felt at first was her real implants responding to conditions. As for what she thought she'd seen in the data, that was likely to be her mind filling gaps with memory… She forced herself to look at the Captain, to attempt to regard the drone visage just as irrelevant as all the other imposed costumes had been. "I presume this programme is connected to our mission assisting Unimatrix Zero?"

Kathryn gave a stilted nod, her jaw locked as she glanced down at herself and then at B'Elanna. "We thought it would be wise to prepare…psychologically for what we intended to do."

Seven fought to keep the incredulous scowl from her face. How had she been unaware of this? Had she been so wrapped up in Axum… "Did it help?" she asked shortly.

"About as much as pricking your finger would prepare you for getting your hand amputated." B'Elanna muttered, then shot Seven an apologetic look. "Sorry."

Seven shook her head, reflexively extending her Borg hand for her to inspect, but at the moment it was disguised under a heavier layer of holo-implants. It could be ironic, the holodeck making her _more_ of a Borg. "Time in a maturation chamber generally negates the need for amputations. The cybernetic and the organic systems can develop together." In her mind's eye, she could suddenly visualise floating in such a chamber; impassively spectating with a running commentary as adults were mutilated and reassembled. "I was also a Tactical drone, they do not require so many…attachments."

"Neither did we, thankfully." Kathryn remarked with a shiver. "I don't think any of us are willing to hang around in here until the holodeck arbitrarily moves us on. If we can't get out, can we at least make it switch?"

B'Elanna considered the question. She'd found the answer to more complex problems over the years. "Maybe." She hedged, "It might be time to work within the holodeck's mixed up parameters." She saw that she'd lost them. "Stay with me here. All of the previous programmes have been freeform, they don't have a set ending where the programme automatically shuts down…"

"And this one does!" The Captain exclaimed in relief, "When we reach the central plexus…"

"Let's go." Seven announced at once, marching forward.

* * *

"We have to get them out of there!" Chakotay insisted, unable to tear his eyes from the screen even as desperation set in. "This pinche programme is the last straw…"

"They're alright Chakotay…" Tom began, though his own grip on the console was white-knuckled as he watched B'Elanna. "It's not real…"

"Alright?!" Chakotay snapped, turning on him like a provoked animal. "For Seven it _was_ real! For eighteen years!"

Tom didn't react to the rare outburst from Chakotay, didn't remind him that that was a fact known by everyone. Instead, he met the other man's tormented gaze with empathy in his own. "She's with B'Elanna and the Captain." He said softly, laying a grounding hand on her shoulder. "They're already looking after her."

"I know." Chakotay admitted, running a hand over his face. Of course he was glad Kathryn and B'Elanna were there, and doing their absolute best for Seven, but that didn't alleviate his own guilt at being separated from her. What if she'd been alone in the holodeck when this malfunction had struck? His heart dropped even further at the thought and he was dimly aware that he was shaking. "But that doesn't make it any easier." The urge to punch something was almost overwhelming, but was only the dark shadow cast by his need to envelop Seven in his arms. "We need to get them out of there."

"We will." Tom assured him, determined. He looked to a worried Harry for support, "Any progress on that front Harry?"

"None on getting them out from this side." Harry reported wearily, "We've got everyone working on it, but…"

"If I may interrupt Ensign?" Vorik's face appeared on his console, with all the frantic bustle of Engineering without its chief behind him. "I believe Lieutenant Torres' theory may have the most favourable odds of succeeding in good time. We are making progress, but it may be hours before we can access the holodeck controls or adapt the transporter to safely operate around the malfunction's interference."

"So, all they need to do is complete the programme's mission and the holodeck will let them out?" Harry checked, though he was already brightening with hope.

Vorik allowed himself the most marginal of shrugs. "We can't know for sure. It is a struggle to even run a full diagnostic on the holodeck systems while this malfunction is ongoing…"

"Then it sounds like we need to change the diagnostic protocols." Tom remarked darkly, "What good are they if the malfunction they're trying to diagnose can block them?"

"That is an issue for another time Lieutenant." Vorik answered, "My point is that the Chief's theory is worth an attempt."

"B'Elanna is way ahead of you Vorik." Tom replied, puffing up with pride as he briefly flashed a teasing grin at the pedantic Vulcan. "She's not the chief because she can do a mean rain dance." He glanced at Chakotay, "Not that you're only Commander because…" He chuckled.

"Not my tribe." Chakotay responded with a roll of his eyes, echoing his dry chuckle as he latched onto the needed levity. "And I'm not willing to rely on the prayers of my people, or anyone else's, to get them out quite yet." He joined Harry at his console to address Vorik directly, "I expect you and your department to keep trying with old and new ideas. They may be stranded in there, but they're _not_ alone."

"No…they're not." Harry realised, his eyes widening with horrified realisation. "They're in a programme full of Borg drones with no safeties on…"

The Doctor, who'd grown too frustrated waiting in Sickbay for a triage situation he could imagine all too clearly given what he'd witnessed when the Hirogen had made the holodeck a massive war game, cleared his throat in the doorway. "I would be one of the first to acknowledge that Borg nanoprobes are masterpieces of engineering…" He ignored Chakotay's angry frown, "…but holographic versions are harmless. First of all, the holodeck can't project photonic nanoprobes into someone's bloodstream, second…"

"But the drones will still _try_ to inject them, right?!" Tom broke in, "And without the safeties, those tubules would be like massive needles! What if B'Elanna ends up bleeding out through a pencil sized hole in her jugular?!"

The Doctor held his gaze. "You'll just need to believe that they can fight off holographic drones as well as they've been able to fight off those of flesh and blood over the years. _Or_ …" He shot a pointed look towards Vorik still on screen, "…find a way to get me into the holodeck to help."

"We're working on that too Doctor." Vorik assured him, though a short sigh escaped his tightly drawn lips as his eyebrows twitched. "Although I'm sure you understand it is not a logical choice for top priority at the moment."

"He does understand Ensign." Chakotay replied, silencing the Doctor. "Medical care should be ensured, but we need them out of there. If B'Elanna's theory doesn't work, or if they're in immediate danger, do whatever you need to do to the holodecks."

* * *

"Seven!" B'Elanna's breathless shout shifted hurriedly to an aggravated hiss as a drone joined them in the corridor. His, she risked staring at it for a second and confirmed it was a male, white, mottled arm missed brushing against her shoulder by mere millimetres. "Seven! Will you _slow_ down?"

Seven spun on her heel, carrying the Borg armour effortlessly, which holographic or not weighed a ton. "Do you want to get out of here or not?" she demanded. Her voice was hoarse, but her tone and stance were as imperious as when she'd been a fully initiated member of Unimatrix Zero One.

B'Elanna's hackles instinctively went up in response. "Of course I do, but…" The acrid retort died on her lips as she caught an unnatural sheen in Seven's human eye, the other entirely hidden again by the holodeck reapplying the implant the Doctor had so painstakingly eased from her eye socket years ago. Tears. "Okay Seven, do what you have to do." She amended quietly, turning to share a concerned look with a tight-lipped Kathryn. 'She's cracking!' she mouthed to her.

Kathryn answered with a short nod, starting to run a hand over her face but halting with a flinch as she felt the implants. "Seven, you've already deactivated the shielding around the central plexus, you don't need to do anything else." She told her softly though with an edge of anxious authority to her voice. She reached out to take Seven's arm, pull her away from the latest console. It was a minor one, identical to every other at the end of a corridor. She'd already done the heavy lifting by hacking the primary access port.

Seven dodged her, stabbing commands into the console with even more force. "The shielding may be deactivated there, as I instructed, but the forcefields here still need to be deactivated manually for us to reach the central plexus."

Kathryn inclined her head in acknowledgement, but looked askance at Seven's unusually frantic movements. She always worked at a rapid pace, but she lacked her usual calm fluidity. Understandably. She bit back the sigh that might've relieved the tightness in her chest. "B'Elanna can do that, you need to take a break." She lowered her voice further, peering at the flashing console Seven was bringing to heel. "You might be drawing attention to yourself…"

Seven bristled, then continued entering commands. "Bringing down forcefields to move around the Cube is not considered threatening, since I am ensuring that it appears I am doing so to conduct maintenance. I am the best qualified to distract them." With a flash of green, the forcefield dropped and she marched on. It was on the tip of B'Elanna's tongue to remind her that _she_ had conducted this mission in real life, while Seven had been talking things through with the lover who'd avoided contacting her through their regeneration haven until he'd needed her again. Oh yeah, he sounded like a keeper. Not. But one glance at Seven's back, quivering under the implants, poured cold water on the flame of temper.

Safely behind her, Kathryn allowed herself that sigh. Frustration joining the assault on Seven's nerves was natural, since as a drone she'd been able to pass through such forcefields without breaking her stride, she could've beamed herself to the plexus with a thought. Not that those thoughts had ever been her own.

"We should keep up with her." B'Elanna prompted, skirting around drone with a shudder as she moved forward with difficulty. These implants were too damn realistic. And she'd thought the holo-pregnancy had been awkward!

"We have to." Kathryn replied with grim certainty. Thankfully Seven hadn't taken any turns in this maze, just moved relentlessly forward. She saw the flicker of another shield dropping, but Seven didn't move an inch further on. "Seven!" she called in a wary undertone, like B'Elanna she was nervous of the drones. As she reached her she saw with relief that they'd reached the central plexus chamber, she'd never forget what one looked like. It was empty, which struck her as strange for a programme that had been set up to prepare them for worst case scenarios, but then it had been in real life too. The drones felt no need to encroach on it, the connection it helped to maintain was always with them. Seven had gone utterly still, was staring at the vinculum in the centre. It seemed to purr with all the minds it sieved through and weaved together, glowed with their life force. Kathryn laid her hand on Seven's shoulder. "Seven, it's not re…" Seven shied violently away from her touch with a strangled gasp that she choked down before it became a shriek. Her eyes were wild as Kathryn guiltily recoiled. "I'm sorry Seven! I didn't mean to startle you…"

It had been much worse than being startled and both women knew it. Seven struggled to catch her breath for a moment or two as she strained to pull herself together. "I am aware that it's not real." She finally forced out, "But please do not touch me right now. I thought…" She swallowed and shook her head, the anger she was directing at herself obvious on her face.

"We found it at least." B'Elanna broke in, not commenting on Seven's near breakdown. For a split second, she'd thought Seven might shove the Captain away as if she really were a drone. "Wait…" She realised, her stomach plunging towards her feet. "Can we end this programme without a holographic version of the neural suppressant this mission was built around sneaking in?"

Kathryn's eyes widened. "Can we?!" she demanded.

"That may be irrelevant." Seven said through gritted teeth, "Look." The chamber was flickering in and out, the vinculum in particular being replaced with each flicker by the water bed from the love hotel programme that had started all this.

"That bed is like a bad penny!" The Captain exclaimed in exasperation.

B'Elanna breathed a vicious curse. "We can't complete a programme that's glitching this much!"

"But we have to get out of here…" Seven snarled like a vow, launching herself at the vinculum as it reappeared. She'd dismantle it if she had to, that would surely complete the mission… She landed on the bed…and in a completely different programme.

* * *

 **Translations: Seven starts with 'Sorry...sorry...' in Swedish then once in English obviously, then the Klingon for sorry, then 'Forgive me' in Swedish.**

 **A/n: Thanks for reading, please review! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/n: Thanks again to my beta and collaborator on this story, TheLadyMage, this story wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable to write without her!**

 **I do not own Star Trek: Voyager.**

* * *

The water bed undulated awkwardly beneath Seven as she sat up with a growl of frustration through clenched teeth. Why was this contraption considered remotely desirable for intimacy? Any couple would be as likely to bounce apart as lie together comfortably. The only outcome she could imagine for her and Chakotay on one of these was shared laughter. She did love his laugh however, so… He would not be laughing now. Not if he'd been observing her in the Cube…

The knot in her stomach eased as she recognised that she was no longer in the false Cube, though her relief was tainted by the obvious thwarting of their escape plan. The air was still warm, simulating the effect of a sun now, but a gentle breeze pushed aside the sealed humidity of the Cube. A breeze heavy with salt. It was already clinging to her pursed lips. Pumped in by the environmental systems no doubt, though the sea that kissed the stretch of sand on which the bed incongruously sat was beguiling enough to almost make her doubt that fact. Where it met the horizon, it was a more vivid reflection of the blue of the sky, the white flecks of waves mirroring the hazy clouds. Closer to land, the steady roll of the waves was more evident, when coupled with the rhythmic swoosh of washing over the beach the effect verged on hypnotic.

She glanced down at herself, noting with a grimace how easily the holodeck could transform her. The grotesque weight of Borg armour had been glossed over with creamy, unscarred human skin once again. A sigh escaped her as she flopped back, surrendering to a wave of exhaustion much stronger than any this sea could throw up. At least the bikini was red.

"Well…" B'Elanna started with a slow exhale, "…this could be considered an improvement." She stretched out her toned arms, her skin already drinking in the sunlight. This was the anthesis of a Cube. Not only was it beautiful, as close to natural as a holodeck could portray, the three of them were completely alone on this beach.

"Yes." Kathryn agreed, though her clipped tone made her reservations clear. Her eyes scanned the crescent of beach intently. Despite herself, standing here made her remember Ransom's seaside escape. The coastline there had been rocky, as jagged and treacherous as the man himself had been, but the shill cries of the seagulls, the rush of the waves, were both the same. She shuddered and fervently hoped that on a _real_ beach, Ransom's delusions would be the last thing on her mind. They needed to be now. "How are we supposed to complete this one?"

B'Elanna shrugged. "We don't." She answered with finality, "But there are worst programmes to sit and wait this out." She cast a furtive glance at Seven lying on the bed in defeat and the Captain nodded hurriedly. B'Elanna took a few steps closer to the sea, peering out. "Unless this is a programme where that guy lands and teaches us the ropes." She suggested, flashing Kathryn a teasing grin.

Kathryn squinted up at the sky, following B'Elanna's pointing finger. A paraglider was _just_ visible being buffeted around the sky. "Uh…no. I had enough of that with Maestro Da Vinci. If this turns out to be a paragliding training programme, I'll be sitting it out." With a chuckle, she emphasised her point by sitting abruptly down on the beach. She instantly felt better, feeling the grains between her fingers. All that was missing was a towel and an iced coffee to make this very pleasant indeed. If she could forget the situation. That she was cut off from her ship. Her crew. She cast a maternal look over the crew she did have in her care. B'Elanna hopped over the warm sand and reached the sea, a pleased laugh bubbling out from her as a wave washed over her feet. Seven in contrast, was entirely detached from the programme, the bed on which she was curled a lonely island. She rose to her feet and cautiously approached the bed, bothered by a niggling worry that touching it would move them on again. "What will they be doing to get us out?"

It was B'Elanna who answered. "Everything they can think of without our brilliant input hopefully." Her irritation showed as she kicked at the sand, but a wicked smile played across her lips as she drank in the serene programme. A balm to the soul after the chills of the Borg Cube. "Jealousy over this might get their asses in gear."

"Jealousy will not get…their asses in a _productive_ gear." Seven opined from the bed. "That emotion may motivate, but not in any rational manner."

B'Elanna joined Kathryn by the bed, eyebrows raised to deflect attention from her relieved eyes. "Good to hear your unique perspective again Seven."

"It's not so unique." Kathryn broke in with a rueful smirk. "I can count on one hand the good decisions I've made out of jealousy." She held out her hand and raised precisely no fingers.

"Good point." B'Elanna conceded with a chuckle, "But I know my husband, he'll be jealous, and he'd better make a good decision to get us out." Something struck her as she looked at the other two women. "I think the holodeck got your departments mixed up." She remarked as she glanced down at her own canary yellow bikini. "I'm still proudly representing Engineering."

"I'd never disown my Science Officer roots!" Kathryn protested, self-consciously pulling at her identical bikini in blue, an irked frown drawing down her brows before she laughed at off. "How do you like Command, Seven?"

Seven rolled her eyes. "I've adapted." She replied dryly, earning laughter.

"I don't think we'll be changing the uniforms anytime soon…"

"Please don't. I know we may complain occasionally, since Engineering can get hot, but my staff in beachwear?!" B'Elanna choked out a horrified guffaw, "I'd never get anything done between peeling moonstruck crewman off each other or getting the Doctor to replace my retinas!" She gave an exaggerated shudder as the Captain chuckled guiltily.

"Now B'Elanna, don't go offending your team as they're working to get us out of here…" She warned.

B'Elanna answered with an easy smile. "Don't worry, they know how their Chief feels about them." She sank back onto the bed beside Seven, letting herself go with the bounce rather than fight it. "Believe me…" She started seriously, "I'd love to be able to _prove_ myself the Chief and get us out of here, and if an opportunity arises I'll grab it with a warrior's hands, but for now…" She gazed out at the sea, more than a little irritated with herself that it could sway her. Tom had been right, she needed a vacation, but she'd just kept putting it off and now he and Miral weren't here. Although, if he had been, she would've been biting his head off for trapping them in his beloved freaking holodeck…

"…we could be in worse programmes." Kathryn finished, repeating B'Elanna's earlier point with a wobbly smile as she cast another concerned glance Seven's way.

"Right." B'Elanna confirmed, swinging a gentle arm around Seven's hunched shoulders. "Come on Seven, let's go swim while we can."

Seven drew her knees up to her chest. "I can't swim." She answered in a low voice.

"It's not exactly the Atlantic." B'Elanna pointed out impatiently, then added, "Besides, I'm pregnant so I'm especially buoyant right now."

Seven's face snapped around to hers so fast her arm was almost dislodged from her shoulder, and Kathryn narrowly avoided falling face first onto the bed. " _WHAT?!_ " Both women yelped as one.

B'Elanna gave a satisfied smirk, "That woke you up, didn't it?" She poked Seven teasingly reaching over for Kathryn's arm. She tugged both of them off the bed, "Now let's go swim in case the next programme is a fresh hell."

Kathryn was still spluttering in shock. "B'Elanna!" She half squawked out, wincing when she realised she sounded like her own mother. "Don't joke about being pregnant while we're in danger…"

"It took your minds off the Cube, didn't it?" she reminded them softly, then shrugged, unrepentant. "That baby care programme got my hormones going for a hot minute is all, Kahless help me." She shook her head, shooting Kathryn a look. "Calm down, Seven is the pregnant one anyway."

Kathryn's eyes bugged out comically as Seven's jaw fell open. There was a long beat of silence before Seven's outrage caught up with her shock. " _B'ELANNA TORRES_!"

B'Elanna regarded her knowingly, "Chakotay Jr was so cute and Senior isn't getting any younger…"

"Chakotay is perfectly capable of…" Seven began but caught herself as the Captain's expression went from dazed to embarrassed and B'Elanna's grew even more amused. "But if that _does_ happen for me, I will ensure I am not trapped in the holodeck at any point!" As her temper blew out, she saw the ludicrousness of the latter statement and stifled a laugh before proudly adding, "And I will avoid any instruction class, holodeck based or otherwise, offered by the Doctor."

"Good luck with that." B'Elanna said sceptically.

Seven pouted, mostly because she knew B'Elanna's doubt was justified. "Do you want to swim or not?" she muttered, marching towards the waves.

"That's all I wanted in the first place." B'Elanna answered archly, following. "Anyway, isn't that the perfect revenge on the prospective fathers who've been watching all this? With 'We're still working on it' the only thing they can show for it?"

Seven's irate pace slowed as she smirked wickedly. "Quite."

* * *

Astrometrics was so silent, Harry thought he could've heard the beads of sweat sliding down Tom's face, or Chakotay's heart as a blood vessel in his neck visibly throbbed. But it was his own laughter that broke the unnatural hush. Louder and louder, rolling and crashing into Tom and Chakotay, both frozen statutes, monuments to B'Elanna's prank.

Tom finally blinked, the fingers that had stilled in mid-air dropping back down to the console as Harry's guffaws grew wilder. "Uh…" He glanced warily at Chakotay, wide eyed. "I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes…"

Something between a dazed smile and a grimace flitted across Chakotay's face. "Me too." He admitted with a gulp. "How'd yours look?"

Tom tugged at his collar, inhaling sharply. "Very…pink. Baby pink. Yours?"

Chakotay answered with an awkward chuckle. "Spirits…"

Behind them, Harry continued to snicker. "Do you still want them out of there?"

* * *

"B'Elanna, Captain…" Seven began, stopping mid stride in the sand to stare at the glinting waves. "I see something in the water."

"Okay, I won't _make_ you swim Seven." B'Elanna muttered with a roll of her eyes as her feet finally reached wet sand. "You don't have to pull the 'I see a shark' trick!"

"I do not know of such a trick." Seven assured her haughtily, "Therefore I could not 'pull' it…"

"Really Seven?" Kathryn asked good-naturedly as she joined them. "BA-DUM… ba-dum-ba-dum!"

Seven jumped, then regarded her blankly. She wondered if something about this malfunction, radiation perhaps, was beginning to affect her mentor's faculties. Beside her however, B'Elanna burst out laughing. "Tom will be so proud that you remember that!" Her gaze flicked teasingly to Seven, "And now he'll make 'Jaws' the movie for Movie Night a second time just to make sure you do too!"

Seven crossed her arms over her chest, though she was smiling slightly. "I doubt it will appeal to me anymore a second time than when I failed to attend the first showing."

"I'll tell you a secret." Kathryn said in an undertone, "It wasn't Tom who introduced me to 'Jaws', it was Mark, before he took me sailing for the first time." She chuckled at the memory, "He was lucky I didn't walk him off the gangplank for that one…" She trailed off as something did start to rise out of waves. "Wait, there is something…"

It wasn't however, a shark fin that broke through the waves but a head, smoothly followed on the next wave by impossibly broad shoulders that tapered into an improbably athletic torso. He tossed his head back, slicking back the golden-brown mane of hair with long fingers as the face, chiselled jaw shown to full effect, was kissed by the sun. A content sigh rolled through him before his eyes opened and he focused on the beach. That focused gaze became smouldering as he powered through the water. The waves licked at him harmlessly; the droplets left behind falling in lascivious trickles down washboard abs. His sculpted legs kept up an effortless jog that maintained everything in…cinematic spotlight. The bounce of his pecs, the left of which sported a tattoo of a sun, was in perfect time with the bounce barely contained in skin tight swimming trunks.

"Is he…" Kathryn's mouth hung open, "…in slow motion?"

Seven spluttered, choking on a disbelieving laugh. "Yes. My optical array confirms that he is moving 2.5 times slower than the rest of the programme…" She laughed harder, with the brittle edge of hysteria creeping in as she half buckled over, holding her sides.

"I don't think that's the reaction the designers intended." B'Elanna remarked dryly.

Kathryn rubbed Seven's shaking back. "No." She agreed as the man finally left the water altogether and stood waiting, no, posing. "Can we help you?" she asked pointedly, drawing a loud snort from B'Elanna.

He flashed them a broad grin as he shook out his tousled hair. "I could always use some help from beautiful ladies." He purred, "Just don't look at me too hard right now, you might get pregnant."

Confusion created a break in Seven's laughter fit, her eyes narrowing as she caught her breath. "The malfunction must be affecting this hologram. It's human, but doesn't understand how human reproduction operates…"

"It's not a malfunction Seven…" Kathryn began with a grimace.

"Although programming such badpick-up lines _is_ a horrible miscalculation." B'Elanna added with an incredulous shake of her head.

" _That_ is meant to be an endearing statement?!" Seven blurted, equally incredulous. "When do women ever respond to such a comment?"

"When they're really drunk…maybe." B'Elanna replied.

"I've never been so intoxicated that I've asked to become pregnant!"

B'Elanna's eyebrows arched in appraisal. "So only when you're not drunk?"

"No!"

"Well, when then?" B'Elanna challenged.

"Never! I don't…"

"Yeah, yeah blondie." B'Elanna cut her off with a doubtful exhale through her nose. "So, the way you swish your hips when you walk isn't begging for…"

"B'Elanna!"

The half-Klingon snorted once again in response to her renewed outrage. "Still too easy. You're not a fast learner when it comes to recognising teasing, are you?" She sprinted off to the sea as Seven glared at her, waving a hand towards the arrogant swimmer as she passed him. "Forget the Fabio wannabe and let's get swimming!"

"Fabio?" Kathryn echoed, looking the man up and down. "B'Elanna, how do you know what his name…"

B'Elanna's was busy however forming an elegant dive into the water. A dive that landed face first in a huge red sand dune as the holodeck again shuffled through its repertoire of programmes. Gone were the ocean waves; replaced by waves of red grit that stung her eyes and clung to the inside of her mouth, pulling all the moisture from her tongue as she coughed and spluttered. "I never even got a real dip before the damn thing switched on me!" She snarled as Seven cackled with laughter.

"Another time B'Elanna." Kathryn soothed wearily, coming to her Engineer's aid to help get sand out of her eyes. Her hair and the unchanged bikini were lost causes.

Seven was too busy laughing to realise who had slid up behind her before he roared in her ear, his warm spittle sprinkling her cheek. "I am Ter, son of Mi'Roth!" He beat his fists over his bare, scarred chest for emphasis. His beaming grin revealed a full complement of Klingon canines. "You look like a fine mate! Your forehead is smooth…" His own well-formed ridges drew down as his brow furrowed, but then he seemed to dismiss the 'flaw' with good cheer. "But your heart beats Klingon! I can hear it as through it were Kahless' own drum inside your chest!"

"Indeed?" Seven responded with a sceptical glance.

The Klingon blinked at that answer. "Yes! Indeed!" he replied with enthusiasm. "We could found an honourable new house together, you and I…"

Seven side-stepped his grasping hand. "I am not interested."

"None of us are, I'm afraid." Kathryn told him in an apologetic tone as she brushed sand off herself. However, she shot B'Elanna an enquiring look, one that was quickly mirrored by Seven, that made _her_ Klingon heart defensive.

She threw her sand covered hands up in the air. "He's _not_ mine!"

Seven regarded her. "You enjoy Klingon romance novels…"

"That doesn't mean I bring them to life on the holodeck!" B'Elanna protested, growling with frustration. "I swear on Kahless' left foot!" She stamped her own foot for emphasis, "This is not mine!"

"There are 141 adults on this ship." Seven pointed out. "There is only one of Klingon heritage…"

"So someone _else_ has a Klingon fetish!" B'Elanna retorted with an angry bark of a laugh. "Not me!"

Seven pursed her lips. "…qar?"

"Seven!" B'Elanna hissed, "ghu'vam 'oHbe' vIghaj! You can ask me in Klingon, English, Spanish, anything! And the answer will still be 'NOT MINE'!"

Seven stared her down, smirking. "SoHvaD Har jIH ghewmey."

B'Elanna saw red and lunged for her. "Listen here…"

Kathryn stepped in, yanking B'Elanna back and shaking her head at Seven. "I don't care whose programme this is or who believes who…" That class in rudimentary Klingon was finally reaping its rewards after eight years in the Delta Quadrant, she thought with an internal sigh. "We're going to get out of this with no more baiting or arguments, is that clear?"

Ter, son of Mi'Roth, gave a shout of approval. "What is clear is that you are a mother, and leader, of warriors! Come with me to my cave and we'll…"

Kathryn jerked up her chin, straightened to her full height, but still barely reached Ter's chest. Her gaze however, cut through him. "This leader won't be going anywhere with a man more concerned with mating than war!" She sniffed as the chest that was at her eye level began to flush, "You're not even wearing armour!"

"Uh Captain…neither are we." B'Elanna pointed out in a low tone with a sweeping gesture at their three bikini glad, sand dusted frames.

"I would for you!" Ter declared fervently, "I'd serve you our enemies beating hearts!"

With an inclination of her head, Kathryn had him kneeling at her feet. "You'd better."

B'Elanna edged away from them, wide eyed. "Maybe this is _her_ programme…" She whispered to Seven.

"Perhaps." Seven agreed in the same stunned tone.

Kathryn answered that with a dry chuckle, "Don't make assumptions just because I can act. The Queen of the Spider People wasn't my character either, but I _am_ Arachnia…" In front of her, the besotted Klingon evaporated as they were plunged into the grainy darkness of another programme. Something was lobbed into the back of her head, cutting off her triumphant pronouncement with an incongruous "Ow!"

"Hey, _ladies_!" Some guy yelled sarcastically, "Sit down or get out!"

"Out of the way!" An angry chorus joined him.

Kathryn bent to pick up the little missile that had hit her. An empty popcorn bag scrunched into a ball.

* * *

 **Translations: Seven asks in Klingon '…really?' B'Elanna retorts, 'This is not mine!' and Seven replies, 'I don't believe you.'**

 **A/n: Please review! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/n: Thanks to TheLadyMage for all her help! :)**

 **I do not own Star Trek: Voyager.**

* * *

"Give me that." B'Elanna seethed, snatching the popcorn bag missile out of a bemused Kathryn's hand. "Whoever threw this better be ready to get it right back!"

There was a stunned silence for a few long seconds from the holograms sulking in the aisles before one guy raised his head above the proverbial parapet. "Chill, lady! It was just a hint to move your asses!"

One older lady clamped her hands over the ears of the child beside her. "Language, young man!" she protested, dramatically shrill.

The youngster snorted, slouching back in his chair with a smirk. "Well, sh…"

A torch was suddenly shone aggressively into his face as a new figure began an authoritative march down the aisles. "Anybody who causes a ruckus in _my_ movie theatre will be shown the door and reminded of our strict no refunds policy." The torch was redirected under the speaker's chin, as if he were telling scary stories at a campfire. His booming voice belied his appearance, which was that of a stereotypical old Earth hotel bellhop, with the little cap and brass buttoned jacket. He zeroed in on the interlopers at the front, shining his torch in their faces. "Ruckus includes not taking your seats in a timely manner, ladies." His eyes squinted at them, "And you're very close to crossing the line in what's considered appropriate attire…"

B'Elanna glanced down at her bikini, still dusty from the Klingon programme. "Haven't you ever heard of the beach and a movie?" she retorted sarcastically.

Seven followed suit with an arched brow as she recognised her silk negligee from the hotel simulation. "And I intend to retire to bed after this." She deadpanned.

When the torch was directed in Kathryn's direction, the child with the overzealous grandma squealed in delight. "Queen Arachnia!"

Kathryn's stomach dropped. "Oh no…" But one reluctant glance down confirmed it. She was in full royal garb, including the black and white tint, and crazy coiffure.

Seven placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, sighing when her hand instantly turned a complimentary shade of grey. "At least we are not in the actual programme Captain…"

"I'm sure the holodeck will offer us up to Chaotica at one point." Kathryn muttered wearily. Then a thought occurred to her and she stiffened further, "What if those…photonic lifeforms have something to do with this?"

B'Elanna answered with a doubtful shake of her head. "Nah, this is glitching tech. I'd put rations on it."

"Is this some kind of live re-enactment?" A woman in the audience wondered aloud, "If so, we really should get a Captain Proton for our money…"

"This isn't sanctioned by…" The bellhop manager waved his torch around in agitation.

"Haven't you ever heard of cosplay?" The troublesome teen cut in, "She doesn't even look like Queen Arachnia…"

Kathryn bristled. "Excuse me, but I _am_ the Queen…"

"Yes, yes…" The manager cut her off, bored now as well as exasperated. "Just take your seats and enjoy the movie, _please_."

"We won't get a choice, because in a minute or so you'll probably transform into a damned water bed…" She stopped with an aggravated sigh as the manager stared at her. "What's the point?" she muttered, "Alright, alright, I'll sit." She glared at him as she pulled down a seat in the front row and sank into it. Her pout smoothed out when she spotted the haul of food waiting temptingly nearby. She zeroed in on the jar of pickles, licking her lips. "At least the holodeck can do something right!" she crooned happily.

Seven scrunched her nose in disgust. "I would argue those being available is a sign of a malfunction."

"There's no accounting for taste." B'Elanna countered with a shrug as she wiped the juice from her chin with a napkin. "Come on, there's plain old popcorn and lemonade, just like you guzzled down at the fair…"

"I do not _guzzle_." Seven assured her haughtily as she sat down and claimed a bag of popcorn for herself, picking at it daintily to prove her point for a few seconds before shovelling up a handful once B'Elanna had glanced away.

The manager looked to the Captain with a despairing air that quickly turned suspicious. "Have they paid for all that?"

"Of course." Kathryn replied, swanning into her own seat between the girls and batting her eyelashes at him, exaggerated as they were by Arachnia makeup. "How else would we get it all past you?"

He puffed up. "That's right!"

The theatre darkened further and a certification card flashed up on the screen, which read: 'This is to certify that "Captain Proton vs. Godzilla!" is rated PG for parental guidance.'

"Godzilla?" B'Elanna was incredulous. "You wish Tom!" she called into the dark, then snorted, "What happened to King Kong?"

"What about Arachnia?!" Kathryn asked loudly, following her Engineer's lead in addressing their would-be rescuers directly. "You mean I'm all…gussied up like this for nothing?!"

"BLECH!" B'Elanna spat out the sweet, pilfered from Kathryn's selection, out with a violent gag.

"Ugh!" Seven protested, "Don't _spit_ on me B'Elanna!"

"It wasn't on purpose, blondie." B'Elanna griped as she tried to wipe the taste off her tongue with napkins, glaring at Kathryn in disbelief. "Yuck! What the hell are those?!"

"Still, couldn't you have avoided me when unloading…" Seven continued, peeved.

"Girls!" Kathryn chided before giving B'Elanna a pointed look. "They're cinnamon candies, and they're delicious." She smirked in the face of her comical incredulity. "Serves you right for sticking your mitts in my bag…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, your Spidery Majesty…" B'Elanna retorted, making Seven snigger beside her.

A bright green screen card flashed up, grabbing their attention as intended. It read: 'The following previews have been approved for ALL AUDIENCES by the Moviegoers Association of Voyager.'

A generically handsome man in a shiny suit suddenly filled the screen. His gleaming teeth were wolfish for a few seconds, his stare penetrating. "Do you feel down?" he asked, "Do you find yourself feeling depressed? Listless? Viscerally aware of your tentative hold onto consciousness at all hours of the day? Do you suffer from…"

He was cut off as the programme dissipated. Instead of their seats, the three of them were now perched on the edge of the all too familiar water bed, back in its home environment of the hotel, where this hell had begun. Holo-hunk #1 looked dazed for a second, even horrified, as he looked at them, but then his programming kicked in. "Hey, you're back…" He started cheerfully.

"I think I am starting to find myself feeling depressed." Seven groused.

"And my hold on my sanity will become pretty damn tentative if we don't get out of here." B'Elanna agreed in the same tone.

The Captain merely sighed and took another comforting handful of fiery cinnamon candies. Being replicated, the food had travelled with them intact.

Then, as abruptly as they'd left, they were back in the movie theatre. Only the ad had changed. The screen now presented them with an imperfect replica of Voyager's bridge. Characters with a passable resemblance to them and their crewmates peopled it. They were rushing around, though someone not in uniform rushed on to dab the leading lady's face with power before darting off screen. Said lady wore a relation of a Starfleet uniform, the red and black were switched, and was a petite brunette. She preened herself for a few more seconds before 'Action!' was called. A gangly Talaxian ran to her side. "What is it Mr Talix?" she asked.

"Captain…" Talix was wringing his hands, "I have to report that…that…"

"Spit it out Talix!" The ever-grinning pilot at the helm teased.

"We've… _run out of coffee_!" Talix wailed.

The camera zoomed tightly into the 'Captain's' face to make her scandalised horror a screenshot as the music screamed out a 'Dun, dun, DUN!' "Begin a search!" she roared.

The camera shot widened to show the whole Bridge, revealing that at Tactical stood not a Tuvok lookalike but a static stage light. The bored Indian man at her side glanced down at his console. "There's just a nebula ahead…" He started doubtfully.

"Zoom in!"

"Captain…" She shot him a look and he heaved a long-suffering sigh before pulling a spyglass out from nowhere and handing it to her.

She extended the spyglass to full length and peered in. "We've saved!" she announced as she lowered it, inhaling deeply as she did so. "There's coffee in that there nebula! I can smell it!" With that she held out her hand expectantly and a steaming mug beamed into it. She took a long swig, smacking her lips in satisfaction. "Ahhh, that hits the spot…"

"NEBULA COFFEE!" An epic voiceover announced. "The latest luxury line from 'Captain's Own Blend'. For the caffeine connoisseurs who need their hit here, there and everywhere, even in space! Programme it into your replicator TODAY!"

"I'm going to kill that husband of yours…" Kathryn vowed as she managed to close her open mouth.

"I hate to break this to you Kathryn, but this is everyone's favourite part of movie night…" B'Elanna told her with a wicked grin, "…when we know you're not attending of course…"

"Of course."

"Ca…Cap…" Seven tried to speak, but was almost out of her seat in hysterics, gripping her sides. Her popcorn had spilled all over her feet.

The ad had just a little extra to deliver. The Bridge scene now focused in on the Talaxian, proudly holding a tin of coffee. "Now introducing…" The epic voiceover continued, "…our value range, 'Ersatz á la Neelix', and our decaffeinated brand Caffé Chell." A hyperactive Bolian popped up, his tin of coffee almost flying everywhere as he jumped around. "And please do remember, you're happiest with 'Captain's Own Blend' of coffee…and everything else."

As that chirpy advice rang in their ears, the next ad changed the tone so abruptly and absolutely that they snapped to fresh attention. A heraldic classical piece, ostentatiously triumphant, blared at them as the Starfleet insignia filled the screen. A black and white video of the Captain from Nebula Coffee beaming as she shook hands with an alien, played, while a new gravelly voiceover sombrely declared, "They _lead_ into new friendships…" The screen now returned to the faux Bridge, as the 'crew' watched, awestruck, while a stellar anomaly exploded into a stunning light display. "They _lead_ the joy of discovery…" Now an assortment of that crew stood on a churned up field, each of their expressions fiercely determined. A B'Elanna lookalike wielded a Bat'leth over her head. The Indian wore an exasperated scowl. The pilot was smirking. The Captain held her phaser to her lips, blowing away invisible smoke. Crewman in Operations gold were flailing around behind this display, getting more and more mud splattered as they struggled to right a flagpole sinking in the soft ground. Its tattered Federation flag flapped in their faces. Finally one man managed to shove it far enough so that it stood proud. Before a celebratory cheer could rise up from the weary crewman however, the flagpole went too far in the other direction, hitting the ground with a clang and a squelch. "Shit!" The so nearly victorious crewman cursed, shooting his Captain a despairing look. "Captain, do we really need to…"

" _Yes_!" she growled back in exasperation, twisting around to glare him into submission. "How hard can it…" The beep of a comm. interrupted her and her face snapped forward again. " _ADVANCE_!" she bellowed.

The screen froze with them running forward, many mouths wide open. "They _lead_ us through adversity." The voiceover reported seriously. "They're STARFLEET OFFICERS."

"They _are_ not!" Kathryn choked out in protest, gasping in shock between giggles she fought valiantly to hold in.

"The best humour treads the line between satire and blasphemy." B'Elanna advised Seven sagely.

Seven regarded the Captain, then the screen again. "Yes…"

The 'Captain' now stood in a room that looked like an excessively decorated version of the Mess Hall. Aliens that were every stereotype of pomposity mingled around her as inoffensive 'musak' played in the background. The camera zoomed in on her face. "I became a Starfleet officer." She told them dully before draining the full champagne glass in her hand. "And I lead through… _essential_ …" The sarcasm was dripping. "…diplomatic functions." She braced herself, started to move forward then froze, frantically summoning the Bolian waiter. "Breath mints, _breath mints_!" she hissed, downing them as soon as he pushed them discreetly into her hand. Thus prepared, she plastered on a fake smile and moved towards the aliens.

Kathryn discreetly huffed a breath into her hand. Nah.

The, in Seven's biased opinion, poor stand-in for Chakotay appeared in a version of his office even smaller than his actual one. His shoulders almost brushed the walls. He swung his feet up onto his desk, reading a blank PADD. "I became a Starfleet officer." He intoned with a jaded roll of his eyes as he laconically set a spinning top toy on his desk and watched it until it fell to the floor. "And I lead through disciplinary…problems." He sighed as the camera panned to show the two sniggering crewman standing before him, awaiting judgement. "It's not funny!" he growled at them, throwing the PADD over their heads. "Get out of here…" He sighed again, "Just…just go and scrub the plasma conduits for an hour or something. Go on!"

A plumper version of Harry now appeared, shoulders slumped, in what looked like a forest. B'Elanna and Kathryn had just recognised that what he was wearing resembled his Beowulf costume when a massive photonic monster appeared before him. "I became a Starfleet officer." He muttered, "I lead through…various holodeck incidents."

B'Elanna inhaled sharply. "A little close to the bone right now Tom, damn it!"

Seven sat up in her seat as a crude impersonation of her appeared on screen. Several aliens hovered behind the actress, who stepped forward, hips swaying, as golden hair fell like a curtain over her implants. Said aliens varied from Hirogen, to Ferengi and a pink creature floating in a tank Seven presumed was supposed to represent one of the individuals she'd met in the 'Think Tank'. "I am…affiliated with Starfleet officers." Faux-Seven advised, "And I lead through…multiple kidnappings." Tubules shot out of her raised clenched fist and she nonchalantly punched the drone that was creeping up on her.

Seven glowered at the screen. "I have never intentionally…" She sighed, her temper cooling as Kathryn and B'Elanna smirked at her. "I suppose that is the joke."

"They're STARFLEET OFFICERS." The voiceover declared proudly. "Join today to lead into your own adventures!"

Another voice broke in, uttering a rapid disclaimer. "The experiences shown reflect those of the U.S.S Voyager officers _only_ and in no way predict your future career."

Then the screen changed to show a bright kitchen, with a young boy sitting around a kitchen table set for breakfast. Bowls, spoons, milk, orange juice, it was all there. Then the dad of the scenario appeared with a box of cereal in hand. As he poured the cereal into the boy's bowl, instead of the expected sounds, there was the sound of a rocket going off. Whizzes, bangs and pows rang out as the camera focused in on the boy, revealing an insight into his imagination. Which looked like a dead ringer for a Captain Proton set. "Blast off with Captain Proton's Proton Puffs!" Tom's voice enthused as the screen now zeroed in on the cereal itself. Brightly coloured wheat planets and oat shuttles, all sticky with honey. "It's a galaxy in a bowl!"

Suddenly Captain Proton was standing there in the kitchen, in the glory of technicolour rather than black and white. "Attention all future space cadets: don't forget to send off for your Captain Proton decoder rings! You can find an order form inside every box of Captain Proton's Proton Puffs!" Proton's cheery salesman grin faltered, "Wow, I can't even remember programming merchandise in…"

" _TOM_?!" B'Elanna erupted from her seat. "What the hell?! We're _stuck_ in here and you're doing a damn commercial?!"

Tom feigned offence. "It was the only way we could patch in. The holodeck recognises me in connection with Proton…" He matched their three indignant scowls. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Lieutenant Paris…" Kathryn warned in a deadly tone.

"Tom!" The dad from the commercial suddenly took on Chakotay's face. "Will you just get on with it? Harry and Icheb don't know how long this is going to hold!"

"You joining me won't help that." Tom retorted.

Chakotay ignored him. "Are you okay?" It could've been addressed to all three of them, but his anxious eyes peered at Seven, who knew to answer him.

"We are undamaged." She assured him gently before a shadow passed over her face. "Some of the simulations have been…difficult but we have persevered in trying to escape." This was as much as she'd admitted about the Borg Cube, and if it hadn't been Chakotay asking they all knew she wouldn't have said anything.

"Well, you're going to have to keep persevering." Tom said, serious now. "As far as we can tell, your best bet for getting yourselves out is to complete a programme, you were right on that 'Lanna."

"Of course I was." B'Elanna reminded him with an affectionate smirk. "But aren't you working on a way to get us out from out of here?"

"Anything we've attempted so far has failed." Chakotay replied, "Although we're going to keep trying everything we can think of."

"You'd better Commander." Kathryn answered before looking around, "How are we supposed to complete a programme if we keep switching? Does this programme, for example, finish when the movie ends?"

"It should…" Tom confirmed hesitantly, "But as you've seen, some programmes aren't programmed to end as such."

"As well as working to get you out, we've been trying to extend your time in programmes that could be completed." Chakotay added, "Not without too much success yet, but…"

"Is there any significance to the water bed we keep seeing or finding ourselves on immediately prior to or after a transition between programmes?" Seven asked.

Chakotay sighed heavily. "We're…not sure." He admitted, "Although our most concrete theory is that the source of the fault is in that programme somewhere. It's recurred too frequently to be a coincidence."

"We'll keep an eye out for it." Kathryn muttered dryly. "Anything else before we…" The movie theatre was gone. They now stood in a darkened city street. Rain streamed down the back of her neck. She pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "So much for that."

"Yeah." B'Elanna agreed, "This just proves how much they need us…" She yelped in shook as Seven gave her an unceremonious yank, but as the squealing of tyres resounded through her eyes she realised Seven had just saved her from being holodeck roadkill. "Thanks."

"You are welcome." Seven squinted at the strange black vehicle now in the distance. "Reckless driving appears to be part of this programme…" She trailed off as she saw B'Elanna's expression of disbelief.

"That was the freaking _Batmobile_!" The half-Klingon exclaimed, stamping her foot as she prepared to go on the warpath. "God damnit Tom! If Wolverine comes around that corner, _I'm leaving you_!"

"Wolverine is a Marvel comics character." Seven pointed out, "He would not appear in the same simulation as a DC Comics universe character such as Batman." She gave a slight shrug in response to B'Elanna and Kathryn's stunned stares. "Azan and Rebi enjoyed comic books." She informed them, smiling fondly at the memory. "Icheb began to read them too, and continued when the twins left."

"So, it's Icheb I have to blame for this one?" B'Elanna asked, half teasing.

Seven was instantly defensive. "I highly doubt Icheb would recreate the comics in holographic form…" She began, but like the Captain just a couple of minutes before, was cut off as the holodeck shifted again.

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 **A/n: Please review! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/n: I, scifiromance, can't take much credit for the awesomeness that is this chapter, which is the work of my beta/co-author TheLadyMage! We've had lots of fun with this story overall but especially this chapter! I hope you enjoy it, just like I did! Check out her profile for more brilliant writing!**

 **A/n 2: Hello and welcome from TheLadyMage! Writing this chapter was so much fun, and I'm so very honoured to have been allowed to do so! It's been a real laughfest since scifiromance and I cooked the idea for this chapter up. Hopefully it does the story justice! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!**

 **Neither one of us own Star Trek: Voyager.**

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The first thing the three of them became aware of was the noise level in the room. They were surrounded and assaulted by the thrilled shrieks and shrill laughter of a gaggle of small children at play. When Seven opened her eyes, they nearly popped out of her head. The three of them were inside some kind of plastic cube with round cut-outs big enough to crawl through. Outside of the cut-outs lay a sea of soft padded flooring littered with indoor playground equipment. Playing and making all the noise on that equipment were dozens of toddlers.

"What in the...?" B'Elanna's disgusted voice drew her attention, and she turned back to where she and the Captain stood.

Again, Seven's eyes widened. She couldn't help the soft snort blown out her nose at the sight before her. B'Elanna stood barefoot and bare from the thighs down. Covering her torso was a purple onesie, pocked with white daisies and emblazoned with 'Mommy's Little Angel' in white block lettering across the chest. When the half-Klingon turned to look behind her, it was readily apparent that she also wore a crinkly white diaper underneath, the frills of which could be seen peeking out around her thighs. B'Elanna ran a hand over her head, pulling on the brown pigtails before letting them fall back on either side of her ears with a growl.

"If either of you say ONE...WORD..." B'Elanna began, scowling at first Seven and then Kathryn, "You won't make it out of this playhouse- let alone this holodeck."

Kathryn bit her lip, her eyes dancing. "Come on, now, B'Elanna... It's not _so_ bad..."

B'Elanna gave her a dark look which quickly lightened as a laugh burst through her lips. "Looking at you makes me feel better! Love Flotter much?" She pointed at the Captain and laughed again.

"What?" Kathryn looked down at her own clothes with a soft, "Oh..." She wore a baby blue one-piece romper with a dark blue polo neck. A glittery blue Flotter with his cheesy, watery grin took up most of the real estate on her torso along with a smattering of water lilies. White sandals with blue buttons tipped her feet, and when she reached up to feel her hair, blue clips held her bangs back on either side. When she bodily turned towards Seven, there was the unmistakable crinkle of a diaper underneath. "Oh dear." Her eyes shot to Seven, looking the blonde up and down. "Well, at least one of us is cute."

A red dress covered Seven's torso, stopping just at the top of her thighs, with bright white buttons down the front and a white, square sailor's collar covering her chest and shoulders. Beneath the dress was a matching red diaper cover, the edges frilly with lace. Frilly socks topped her feet, slick on the plastic floor of the clubhouse as she turned herself in a circle with a scrunched nose. Her usually curly hair was in ringlets, tied back with a floppy red bow on the top of her head. "I hope you don't dress Miral like this." she muttered to the half-Klingon.

"As if." returned B'Elanna. "I put Miral in cute clothes- not..." She gestured to the three of them. "Not this kind of crap." She snorted at Seven again. "You look like you're going to have your picture taken!"

"As if." mirrored the ex-drone distastefully. With a sigh, she turned back to look out of the nearest round cut-out, watching the children play with a curious scowl. "Is it just me...or does this seem wrong?"

"Of course it's wrong, Seven." Kathryn said, joining her to look out. "We're trapped in a looping fritzing holodeck simulation."

"That's not quite what I mean."

"Wow- that's a big toddler." B'Elanna commented, sticking her head out of the cut-out. She quickly ducked back in, turning wide eyes to her companions. "A REALLY big toddler! Look!"

The two peeked out of the yellow plastic hole. Standing next to the clubhouse stood a little boy in a blue shirt and shorts turning a red ball around in his hands. Though he appeared to only be two years old, he was easily as tall as the three adults watching him, his head high enough he would need to crouch to walk into their clubhouse. With a soft meep, the two women ducked back inside.

"Is that toddler adult-sized?" Kathryn asked in a hissed whisper, warily watching to see if they had been noticed.

"I believe that we are toddler-sized." said Seven, looking down at her dress. "It would explain why we are dressed as toddlers, and why the playground equipment looks so large in comparison to us."

"Because it IS large in comparison..." B'Elanna curled her lip. "Where in the hell are we?"

"The Baby Gym." Kathryn read the words painted on the long glass window that made up the far wall. She blanched. "This is Naomi's first program."

"Elaborate." Seven padded back to the cut-out to watch a group of giant three year olds chase each other under a tall curly slide.

"Tom came up with it for Naomi when she was about this size. Too young for Flotter." said Kathryn.

B'Elanna snorted. "Tell that to your costume designer, Kate."

The Captain chuckled. "Well, I wonder what the mission is for this simulation. It's been too long since I've gone down a curly slide."

"Captain?"

Kathryn smiled at Seven. "We're here. I don't feel like hiding out under here until Tom and Chakotay break us out." She gestured outside. "May as well test the waters."

Seven shook her head, following Kathryn and B'Elanna as they stepped out onto the soft gym mat flooring. "Test the waters… I told you I don't know how to swim…"

"With as much padding as there is around your butt right now, you'd probably float." commented B'Elanna with a snort.

The blonde frowned. "You're one to talk."

Instead of retorting, the engineer only laughed, turning in a circle to take in the entire gym. The room was huge- to them, at least- and was full of every manner of plaything imaginable. To the far left were several slides and a large, low trampoline trimmed out in soft padding in rainbow colors. To the left and behind them were several sizes of plastic clubhouses connected with net bridges, monkey bars, and tubes into one large playhouse. Directly ahead stood five young adults- three women in black pants and dark blue polos, and two young men in identical dress. Each wore a long necklace with a referee whistle hanging on it along with their name badges. Behind them, much to the three's delight, was a glass door, beyond which lay a short hallway and then the ever-present waterbed.

"Kahless, yes!" B'Elanna's fist shot up in the air. "Piece of cake! Come on, guys." The Captain and Seven watched her bustle off towards the door, Kathryn trying to hold back a smile and Seven with an eyebrow delicately raised. Once B'Elanna realized she was not being followed, she spun back to her companions. "What?"

"You..." Kathryn began, a bark of laughter escaping her throat. "You're...toddling!" Beside her, Seven nodded sagely.

Astonishment, denial, anger, and disbelief flashed across the engineer's face in rapid succession. "What? I am not!"

"I am afraid that the Captain is correct." said Seven, her tone serious and apologetic. "You are, in fact, toddling."

"Am not!" B'Elanna put her hands on her hips, widened significantly by the padded diaper under her onesie. She scowled, looking down at her waist in disgust before crossing her arms over her chest instead. "Shut up- it's not easy walking in this damn thing!"

"Oh, come on now." said Kathryn, taking a few steps. "It can't be that much more difficult." Halfway to B'Elanna, she knew what the younger woman had meant. The diaper's padding was bulky and stiff in all the wrong places, quickly becoming a hassle to move her legs around without walking bow-legged. When the half-Klingon raised an eyebrow at her, the Captain sighed. "I concede."

"Told you." mumbled B'Elanna, turning back towards the doorway several dozen meters away. "Come on."

Seven sighed, following along behind Kathryn. She hadn't taken two steps when she was blind-sided by a little boy barrelling into her with enough force to send them both sprawling to the floor. The blonde landed hard against the side of a trampoline's padded edge, her momentum enough to send her over it and sliding across the slick surface. She came to a stop in the middle, a good fifteen feet from where she'd been standing. The toddler that had run into her shook himself off before running on towards the slides, unfazed. "Ouch." grumbled Seven, rubbing the side of her head where it had knocked against the boy's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Kathryn called out, standing at the edge of the trampoline surface.

"I am undamaged." said Seven, climbing to her feet. She put one foot in front of the other to begin the walk back to the padded floor, then promptly lost her balance when her lacy sock slid across the taut, slick fabric. She flopped onto her belly, bouncing twice before the trampoline came to equilibrium. Standing beside the Captain, B'Elanna snorted laughter, ignoring the icy glare from the ex-drone. With a determined scowl, Seven climbed to her feet again, taking a tentative step forward. Again, her socks had no traction on the trampoline. Seven windmilled her arms to keep her balance.

"What's the matter, Seven?" B'Elanna called over, her voice feigning innocence. "Come on."

"I am coming on!" said Seven a little indignantly, taking another step. "These socks do not- ack!" Her feet again slid out from under her, and she bounced from her back to her bottom before she managed to roll up onto her hands and knees. She didn't need to see the Captain or B'Elanna's face- she could hear them both holding in their snickering. With a grumble, she stood up, this time opting for speed over balance, and quickly shuffled a good ten feet before once again she ended up bouncing on her belly.

B'Elanna could no longer hold in her laugh, chuckling as she took two steps onto the trampoline. She was careful not to touch Seven as she circled her, looking down at the blonde with a teasing grin. "You look like a porcupine, Seven of Mine."

"Pardon?" Seven gave up graceful, crawling the last couple of feet to the edge.

"You have static." said B'Elanna. "Your hair is sticking straight up." In fact, Seven's hair was sticking out at odd angles, the static from her socks on the trampoline giving it a good charge. The half Klingon gave Seven a wide berth as she walked easily across the trampoline and back to the padded flooring.

With a frown, Seven scrolled her eyes up. She could see the shorter hairs in the front of her hairline sticking out of their own accord. "So it seems." She looked to the engineer who was inching away from her, and held a hand out to her innocently. "Help me up?"

"I'm not touching you- you'll shock me. I get enough of that in engineering." returned the other woman, her lip curled as she backed up a step.

"Are you afraid of being shocked?" asked Seven, one eyebrow raised, a smirk at the corners of her lips.

B'Elanna shook her head with a scowl. "Of course not."

Seven hopped up to her feet, holding her metal-laced hand out towards B'Elanna as she took a step her way. When the engineer backed away, eyeing her hand like it was a venomous snake, the blonde sprinted at her.

With a yelp, B'Elanna turned and ran. "Damnit, Seven! No!"

Kathryn watched the two of them sprint down the padded floor, getting maybe fifteen meters away before Seven caught B'Elanna, the older of the two letting out a loud yowl as she was shocked. The Captain rolled her eyes, an affectionate smile on her face as she jogged to catch up with them. When she did, Seven had a wide grin on her face, her lips pursed in an attempt to contain it. Both girls had red faces, one from anger and exertion, the other in complete merriment. "If you're quite through..."

"Let's go." B'Elanna groused, turning and marching off towards the doorway. The Captain gently clapped Seven on the back with a grin, then lead her on after the engineer.

They made it across the room without any more accidents, dodging out of the way of a few giggling toddlers playing tag, and another few crawling along in a train from the bottom of one clubhouse to another. Finally, they reached the edge of the mat, the three of them lining up and looking at the doorway that was now a mere seven feet away.

"No way can we reach." Kathryn sighed, looking up at the handle that was at least a good foot past her raised hands. "We're too little."

"Then I'll just give you a boost. You turn the handle and Seven and I will open the door." said B'Elanna, stepping off the mat and walking up to the door. Just as Seven and Kathryn stepped down to join her, a loud voice boomed behind them.

"You know the rules." said the voice. "We have to stay on the play mat!"

The three spun around to look up at one of the women workers. She towered over them, her hands on her hips even as a kind smile graced her face. She took a step towards the three, reaching down and easily scooping up Kathryn and Seven into her arms.

"Oh God!" Kathryn clutched to the woman's shirt as she suddenly found herself two stories off the ground.

Below them, B'Elanna screeched as another worker reached down for her. "Don't touch me, Godzilla!" She yelled, kicking and flailing as the second woman scooped her up. "Put me down!"

"My, you're a little spitfire today, aren't you?" the worker said, running a tickling hand across B'Elanna's stomach. The half-Klingon yelped, her hands coming down to protect her ticklish belly.

"This is assault!" yelled the engineer. "Put. Me. DOWN!"

"B'Elanna, don't make her drop you!" Seven called out calmly.

"Now, if you aren't nice, you'll have to go to time out." said the worker, putting B'Elanna down on the mat and giving her a gentle push back towards the gym equipment. "You go play now."

B'Elanna glared up at the giant woman. "You go fu-"

"Hey!" Kathryn cut off the feisty engineer. "Don't make them mad! They might help us." She turned to the woman holding her. "Excuse me, but you see that waterbed out there past the hallway? We really must get to it. You see, we are stuck on the-"

The woman holding her chuckled, settling Kathryn and Seven down beside B'Elanna. "Aren't you just adorable trying to talk? Goo goo, ga ga to you, too, Sugar." She ruffled Kathryn's hair. "Now go on and play. It's almost snack time."

"Trying to talk?" Kathryn scrunched her nose, her eyebrows drawing together. "What?"

"They can't understand us." Seven said, watching the two giant women begin to talk to one another in front of the glass door. "This is written to be in the perspective of a toddler, right?"

B'Elanna's jaw dropped before she could clench it closed. "You're right!" she seethed. "And toddlers don't talk- not well enough to be understood, anyway. Son of a targ!"

"Come on." Kathryn said, walking past the two back towards the playhouses. "Let's regroup."

"Yes, Captain." Seven mumbled, following her. B'Elanna crossed her arms agitatedly over her chest, but followed the other two back into the throng of small children playing.

"In here." The Captain pointed up to a lime green cube. Attached to its doorway was a climbing rope net anchored to the ground at Kathryn's feet. "We can find a quiet corner and come up with a plan." Without waiting for a response, she quickly began to climb, ignoring the bulky diaper trying to impede her movements. Seven and B'Elanna followed her, scooting in to the green cube behind her.

Inside, the tubes and walkways connecting all the cubes and playhouses and decks amplified the noise of the toddlers playing throughout it. Echoes of shrieks and laughter rang alongside thundering footfalls as little feet hurried from one section to another. Seven and B'Elanna shared a sour look, each covering their enhanced ears to drown out the deluge. Kathryn, not as affected, lead them on deeper into the maze. Deeper in, they had to dodge around the toddlers- some bigger than they were- until the Captain finally settled on a pink observation deck surrounded by a faux picket fence.

"This will do." said Kathryn, walking to the fence before turning her attention back to her crewmen. "Now...any ideas?"

"Ear plugs." B'Elanna grumbled, wiggling one finger in her left ear canal to scratch the ringing itch leftover from the seventy-two toddlers squealing in unison around them. "Lots of ear plugs."

Seven sighed, following Kathryn to the fencing and looking out over the large gym. "The quote, unquote, guards...are watching everything very closely for how much activity is going on in this room."

"I'm sure they're programmed to be very observant." commented B'Elanna, stepping beside Seven and looking down over the fencing. They were maybe six feet up in the air over a grouping of pillow blocks stacked at odd angles. "Otherwise Samantha would not have let Naomi play here."

"True." agreed the blonde with a nod.

B'Elanna leaned back from the railing, grimacing when the stiff diaper dug in around one thigh as she moved. With an irritated sigh, she reached down and tugged on it to adjust it. "I am sick and tired of this stupid..." She grunted, struggling to adjust the thick padding. "...freaking... diaper!" She took one step and it began to dig in to her other hip. "Alright- that's it!" she hissed. "I'm taking this damn thing off!"

Seven scrunched her nose at the half-Klingon. "What? You can't take off your-" She paused, shaking her head. "What am I saying? Go for it."

"So glad I have your approval." muttered the engineer, yanking at the snaps of the onesie between her legs. She glanced back up at the other two who watched her curiously. "WELL YOU COULD AT LEAST TURN AROUND!"

"Oh! Sorry!" Kathryn whipped around, her eyes going out over the sea of children playing. Behind her, B'Elanna began to cuss up a storm in English, Spanish, and Klingon around the crinkling noise of the diaper being manipulated. After hearing her grunt for the third time, the Captain looked back over her shoulder. B'Elanna was trying and failing to rip open the tape tab. "Uh…are you...?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" yelled the engineer in frustration. "Seven, rip this stupid thing for me!"

The blonde turned back towards B'Elanna. "Pardon?"

"Rip this stupid tape off of here- I can't get it." seethed B'Elanna, gesturing to the pink tape tab.

With a shrug, Seven reached forward and took hold of the edges, but try as she might, the tab refused to budge. After two tries, she let go. "I don't think that diaper is going to come off, B'Elanna. I'm sorry."

"Fine." hissed the frustrated woman, crossing her arms. "Fuck it!" With that, she turned and plopped down on the decking, ignoring Kathryn's snicker at the crinkle sound she made. "Stupid freaking program..."

"Alright, focus, you two." said Kathryn, quieting her snicker and wiping the amused smirk from her face. "Really, we need to come up with some sort of plan."

Seven nodded, but had no answer. Turning, she eyed the evil trampoline across the gym. Several children were bouncing across its slick surface now along with several pilfered multi-colored balls from the ball pits on the other side of it. As she watched them, two little girls not paying attention to their surroundings bounced at the same time, crashing into one another. Both fell back, clutching their bumped heads as they began to wail. "Look." Seven gestured to the accident as all five of the guards quickly converged onto the trampoline to check on the injured children.

B'Elanna hopped up to see and smirked. "Hey, now there is an idea!"

"What?" Kathryn asked, turning to watch the 'adults' comfort the bruised children.

"Those kids got hurt and so the grownups all flocked over to them." said B'Elanna.

"Leaving the door unguarded..." finished Seven, her eyes flicking to said doorway.

Over on the trampoline, the guards, having soothed the toddlers, began to disperse across the room again. The Captain clapped her hands together in front of her chest. "Alright then. So what we need is a distraction."

"Right." agreed B'Elanna. "Seven, if you can distract the guards then the Captain and I can get the door open. Then when they put you down, you can run to the door."

"But, I-"

"You're the fastest." said the half-Klingon as though it pained her. "You can run faster to get to the door. You know the Captain can't."

Kathryn's eyes widened at the subtle insult. "Hey!"

"Are you strong enough to get the door open?" asked Seven, crossing her arms as she looked at the engineer with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course I am. I just need to boost the Captain up to turn the knob."

Seven sighed, resigned. "Okay, but how do you propose I create a distraction?"

B'Elanna gave her a sage look. "Seven…You know we have had our differences in the past…" When Seven only raised her eyebrow a little higher, the brunette continued. "But I'd like to think we are pretty good friends now, right?"

"...Correct." Seven agreed warily, eyeing the other woman suspiciously.

"And good friends forgive each other, right?" continued B'Elanna. "And you know that because you are my friend that I love you, Seven..." She stepped closer to the ex-drone, finishing her sentence in a rush. "But-I'm-sorry-I-have-to-do-this!" And with that, she shoved the blonde woman over the white picket railing.

Seven's eyes widened a half second too late, her arms flinging out to catch herself but only catching air as her center of balance was thrown over the edge of the platform, and her body along with it. A sharp shriek was pulled from her lips as she tumbled over, dropping the six feet down to land on the pile of padding building blocks below with a crash.

"B'ELANNA!" Kathryn nearly pitched over the edge in her haste to check on Seven's well-being. The blonde was sprawled amidst the blocks, but unharmed. The Captain whirled on B'Elanna. "What in the hell, B'Elanna? You could have hurt-"

"Hey, it worked!" B'Elanna grabbed Kathryn's hand and tugged her back into the tube behind them as the group of adults quickly converged on Seven's position. "Hurry!" B'Elanna shoved Kathryn down a short slide to the ground level before flopping after her. She spared a look over at Seven as the blonde was gently lifted up by one of the workers. "Sorry, Seven!" she yelled out, pulling the Captain behind her in a run for the now unguarded door.

"B'ELANNA TORRES!" Seven yelled out after them, kicking the padded blocks off of her legs with an angry grunt.

B'Elanna ignored the angry voice behind her, half-dragging a slower Kathryn behind her. Seven's shriek had garnered a lot of attention from the various toddlers as well as the larger 'grown up' guards, and dozens of them now came from far and wide to see what had made the noise. The two women dodged around them, missing diapers and pigtails and sticky hands by the skin of their teeth. Finally, they were at the edge of the playmats, across the smooth tile, and in front of the glass door.

"Give me a boost." Kathryn said as B'Elanna dropped on all fours. She carefully but quickly stepped up onto the half-Klingon's back and grabbed the handle.

"Come on!" B'Elanna urged. "Hurry!"

"I'm trying! The damn thing is weighted!"

"Weighted? What do you mean 'weighted'?"

With all her might, Kathryn pulled, grunting with the effort. Slowly, using all her slight weight, the door began to budge. "I mean..." she croaked, "..it's on a spring!"

"A spring? Crap!" Once B'Elanna saw a crack between the door and its frame big enough to put her hands in, she unceremoniously dropped the captain off her back, catching the door and tugging it. The Captain made an undignified noise at having been dumped in such a fashion, but quickly moved past it to help the engineer inch the door open until they would be able to pass through. At their success, they turned their heads back towards Seven's last known location. The ex-drone was held cuddled in one grown-up's arms while the others were around her, assessing the damage. The blonde, for her part, was holding her arm at a funny angle to further the ruse.

"Now how is she going to get down?" Kathryn asked.

B'Elanna leaned her body against the frame and propped her leg up to help hold the heavy door open. She glanced up at the giant spring hinge at the top of the door. "I don't know, but I can't hold this for very long, Captain!"

"Damnit." cursed Kathryn, "We didn't plan for this."

"Should we-"

A loud voice startled them, booming from right behind them as another grown-up appeared by the now-open doorway. "My, you two have been an awful lot of trouble today." she said, her generic face pulling into a serene smile. She pushed the door the rest of the way open into the gym. "I'm afraid that this kind of behavior is not acceptable." Leaning down, she scooped Kathryn up into her arms, lifting the small woman up to settle on her hip.

B'Elanna squeaked, turning to run. A hand pinching the back of her onesie held her in place. "Let me go!" she yelled, pulling with all her might. The guard was too strong for her, easily lifting her by the back of her onesie to dangle several feet in the air. "Put me down! This is child abuse!"

"I think that you two may need an early break." said the guard, pulling B'Elanna up into her arms. She held the two against her as they struggled, ignoring their wriggling as she turned and began to walk down the long hallway towards the waterbed. "Looks like it's bed time!"

"The waterbed!" Kathryn continued to wiggle, trying to dig her sandaled feet into the guard's ribs without success. "Put me down!"

"No down." chuckled the grown-up with a patient smile as she carried them around the waterbed and down another long hallway. "Now then," she said, entering the last door on the right, "Here we go."

The room they entered was quiet and dark, the only light coming from two windows on the far wall with their blinds down. The yellow walls were plastered with posters of sweet kittens and puppies at play while twenty cribs lined either side. Several multi-colored mobiles hung from the ceiling over the white cots, their edges catching the light and throwing prism shadows on the walls.

"What are we-?" B'Elanna began to ask, but the guard paid her little mind, settling the two women down in the only empty crib on the far side of the room. "Are you kidding me?!"

"Now here are your blankies." said the guard, pulling a purple and blue baby blanket from thin air and gently spreading them over the two. "And your milk." Two sippy cups appeared before them, thrust into their hands by the larger hands of the guard. She pat their heads before turning around. "Sweet dreams."

The second that the guard was out of the room, B'Elanna hurled her sippy cup across the room, watching with satisfied interest when it burst open, spilling white liquid down the yellow wall. "Fucking great."

XXX

Back in the gym, Seven tensed when the guard appeared behind the Captain and B'Elanna, watching helplessly as they were captured and carried off to who knows where.

"Oh, you poor thing!" the guard holding her murmured, rocking and patting her back. Seven held in her sigh, pretending her arm hurt much more than it actually did. Thankfully, she had landed on her left arm with its enhanced armature and not her weaker, human, right arm. "That was quite a big fall for such a little girl!"

"Look how brave she is!" said another. "I've never seen a little one take such a fall without at least a little bit of tears."

Seven blanched. Tears? They expected her to cry? Thinking back, she had only seen Naomi injure herself a handful of times- bumps and bruises learning how to skip rope or cartwheel- but the little girl had never cried! Of course, Naomi was quite a bit older than these holograms believed her to be. Oh, bother... how do you make yourself cry? She pouted in thought.

Pouting seemed to be enough for the guards, the one holding her cuddling her closer, admonishing the other. "Now look what you've done- you've embarrassed her!" She pat Seven's back again. "Don't you worry, little one! We will fix you right up!" She turned, carrying Seven with her to the doorway into the hallway. "I think a little snack will make you feel all better!"

"Snack time! Snack time!" A handful of toddlers, eyes full and bellies empty, began to lift their arms in anticipation.

Snack time? Seven snorted. Oh, bother.

XXX

"Now what?" B'Elanna hissed, plopping down on the bouncy crib mattress and crossing her arms over her chest.

Kathryn glanced down at her with a snort before walking to the crib's railing. Her eyes were just level with the top of it. It would be difficult, but if she could just... "I'm getting out of here." she said, more to convince herself than to inform her crib-partner of her intentions, and jumped. She managed to hoist herself up onto the rail, swinging one leg over and resting, straddled on top.

"Kathryn, if you fall, you're fucked." B'Elanna hissed, jumping up and grabbing Kathryn's leg to keep her from jumping.

"Excuse me?" Kathryn wobbled as the half-Klingon gave her leg a tug. She tightened her grip on the wooden rail, the paint slick but the pock marks from a dozen sets of baby teeth giving her some semblance of grip. "Bee! Let go!"

"No!" B'Elanna hissed. "If you fall out of here, you're gonna break an arm or a leg or a hip or-"

"A hip?!" Kathryn let go to put her hands indignantly on said hips. "Just how old do you think I am?!"

The engineer used her temporary distraction to yank the Captain back into the crib, then crouched over her, looking her very seriously in the eyes. "Uh, we are LITTLE. That is a hard TILE floor. Slow your role."

"You throw Seven over the rail of a platform that is practically two stories tall to us, but I can't climb out of a crib?" Kathryn demanded, pushing B'Elanna back enough to sit up.

"Seven isn't as breakable as you are." returned B'Elanna unapologetically, crossing her arms.

Kathryn gave her a hard look for a few heartbeats. "Maybe we should stay here a while and let you really take a nap. You're cranky."

"What?" B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "I'm not cranky- I'm just done! We need to get out of here- but without breaking our necks!" She kicked the blankets at her feet. "Or do you want to limp around with a broken arm or leg until who knows when they get us out of here?"

The prospect of having to wait for medical attention was not a welcome one. Finally, Kathryn blew a frustrated breath past her lips with a nod. "Point taken." She pointed a finger at B'Elanna with a cocked eyebrow. "But you're still cranky." She ignored the younger woman's third eyeroll in as many minutes and instead scanned the room. There was nothing hanging within reach of their crib to assist them. No shelves on the wall, or bookcases to use for ladders. With a hum of contemplation, she glanced back down at the blankets. "I suppose we could tie these blankets together and make a rope. We could scale down."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. "Kahless, yes, we could!" She grabbed up the blue one and began twisting it. "Help me!"

As soon as they began to attempt to knot the blankets together, the sound of footsteps outside caught their attention. The two women ducked low in the crib, peeking out of the slats towards the open doorway in time to see one of the guards carrying Seven. As they watched, the guard, with their blonde companion on her hip, turned down the long hallway, and out of sight. Behind her, another guard stopped at the nap room, her eyes scanning over the sleeping toddlers.

"Shit! Sleep! Sleep!" Bee hissed in Kathryn's ear as the guard slowly entered the room. She gave Kathryn's arm a yank, pulling the redhead over top of her. Kathryn held in her squeak, quickly hiding her face in one of the blankets before going slack. B'Elanna squirmed, throwing the other blanket over her and then using the Captain's back for a pillow. When the guard came to their crib, B'Elanna faked a snore, mimicking how her own daughter liked to sleep with her arms and legs spread-eagle, and a little smile on her face.

"All they needed was a nap." murmured the guard, reaching down and tucking B'Elanna in before moving on to the next crib, and then out of the room.

"...Coast clear?" Kathryn mumbled into the blanket, moving her head just enough to peek out.

B'Elanna opened one eye, peering out the slats of their crib. After a second, she sat up. "Clear." she confirmed. "That was close."

"They have Seven." said Kathryn, grabbing up the blankets to knot them. "Could you tell where they took her?"

"No. Just down the hall." B'Elanna answered, taking the knotted blankets and tying them to the crib slat. "Here. You first or me?"

"Give me a boost." With a little help, and a firm grip, Kathryn quickly climbed down to the floor. Her sandals clicked softly on the smooth tile as she ducked under the crib, crouching down and watching the door. "It's clear. Come on, B'Elanna!"

"I'm coming." whispered the half-Klingon, slinging her leg over and sliding down the blankets. As her hands hit the knot, she lost her grip, slipping the last few feet to land on her diapered bottom with a grunt. Expecting to feel a starburst of pain in her tailbone, she winced, tensing, but the pain never came. After a second, she relaxed, looking up at a wide-eyed Kathryn with a soft laugh. "Hey, this diaper ain't so bad now! Like landing on a pillow!"

Kathryn snorted, rolling her eyes as she walked out from under the crib and past her chuckling companion. "Yeah, yeah, so long as it isn't full. Come on!"

B'Elanna quickly got to her feet, brushing herself off as she followed. "Not full? Oh- GROSS, KATHRYN!"

At the doorway to the nap room, they paused, peering slowly out to see if any guards were nearby. "Really, you'd think they would have safeguards for situations like this." Kathryn whispered. "Babies escaping and shoving each other out of playhouses."

"Yeah, yeah, Miral is gonna give them a hell of a time in a couple of years. This way!" B'Elanna carefully slipping into the hallway, skirting the hallway. Kathryn followed her example. "The bed is back that way. Seven has to be in one of these rooms down here..."

"That one's open." Kathryn whispered, pointing to the next to the last door on the other side of the long hall. "Let's try there first."

The room they snuck into was much like the room full of cribs, but the lights were on and bright, and instead of cribs, the room was full of highchairs- all of which were empty, but for the one in the very middle. Seven was buckled in, her legs crossed at the ankle dangling beneath the highchair's plastic seat. The blonde looked especially bored, enhanced elbow on the tray and silver fingers drumming across her cheek propped in her hand. In the other hand, she held a half-eaten cookie, slowly crumbling it. As the other two watched, she let out a resigned sigh, dropping the cookie and reaching out for the bright pink sippy cup in front of her.

B'Elanna took that as her cue, running up to the highchair. "Are you freaking kidding me?" She yelled up to the blonde. "We had to scale out of a crib to come find you, and you're in here eating cookies? You gonna drink that juice, too?"

Seven jumped in surprise, dropping the sippy cup and leaning forward to look down over the edge of the white plastic tray. At the taunting look on the engineer's face, she scowled. "They said if I finished my snack, I could go back to the gym!" she said indignantly.

Kathryn, having walked after B'Elanna, looked up at Seven with wide, amused eyes before bursting into a gale of hysterical laughter. Beside her, B'Elanna snorted her own laughter. "She had a..." Kathryn fought to get out her words. "She had a plan!"

Seven glared down at them, lifting the sippy cup and chucking it at the two of them. "I didn't see the two of you planning anything!"

B'Elanna caught the cup easily, holding it up. "This is half gone- you DID drink it!"

"This cookie is dry, and that was all that was available!" defended the drone, crossing her arms over her white sailor collar. "I was thirsty!"

"Still, Seven," B'Elanna chuckled, "Have some dignity..."

"IT WON'T UNSCREW!"

"Right, right, of course." Kathryn wiped the tears from her eyes.

B'Elanna managed to reign in her amusement, looking up at the angry ex-drone with a semi-serious expression. "Well, whatever. Come on while there's no one else here. Let's go!"

"Lieutenant, in case you haven't noticed, I am STRAPPED IN!"

"Well, UN-strap yourself and let's go, Shirley Temple! Time's a'wasting!"

Seven sighed, tamping down her irritation to begin fiddling with her straps. She managed to finagle the buckle to open, and slipped her arms out. She looked down at B'Elanna and Kathryn again. The two stood watching her curiously. "Now how do I get down?" she asked. "It's too far to jump from the tray without risking a break."

B'Elanna snorted. "Wriggle down out of the bottom. That's what Miral does when I'm not looking."

The blonde let out another sigh, shifting in her seat to follow the engineer's advice. "If you're not looking, then how do you know?"

"JUST COME ON!"

"I AM!" Seven scooted farther down until she was halfway out, using her hands gripped on the edge of the tray to keep her from falling. She inched down another foot, her dress catching on the bottom strap and pulling up over her stomach as she went.

"Seven!" Kathryn called out, watching as the red dress inched further and further up Seven's torso. "Fix your dress!"

"I don't have an extra hand!" complained the blonde, letting go with her human hand to blindly shove the red velvet down around her stomach again. "Better?"

"Better." B'Elanna walked up, grabbing Seven's legs and giving them a tug. "Drop. You're only three feet up."

Seven obeyed, letting go and dropping down to stand beside B'Elanna. She looked back up into the highchair's now-empty seat before dusting herself off and settling her clothing back into place. "Who is Shirley Temple?" she asked.

"You are, Bright Eyes, now come on!" B'Elanna grabbed Seven's human hand and pulled her along after Kathryn and back towards the open door. "Get a move on, you two, I gotta pee."

"Well," Seven smirked. "You ARE wearing a diaper."

"Seven. Of. Nine!" B'Elanna whirled back to look at the smirking ex-drone with an expression of shock and disgust. "That is disgusting! You're wearing one, too, Princess! You didn't...?"

Seven's blue eyes widened. "What?! OF COURSE NOT!"

In front of them, Kathryn snorted so hard that it hurt, reaching back to stop them from walking into the hallway. "Shut up, you two, before we are caught!" She leaned her head out of the doorway and looked down the long hallway. At the very far end, past the daycare center's main entrance and desk, sat the waterbed. She could just see the corner of it from where it was nestled against the far wall. "I can see the waterbed from here. It's a straight shot."

B'Elanna nudged her way between the door frame and the Captain, peering down the hall to see for herself. "Score." she whispered. "We just have to make it from here to there."

"That's like a football field away." Kathryn clucked her tongue. "Damn this being small business."

"I concur." murmured Seven, leaning out over the two. "The coast is clear... for now. We should make use of this opportunity."

"We just have to be quiet." whispered Kathryn, skirting out around the doorframe, her back to the hallway wall. "Follow me."

"Coming." whispered Seven, following. B'Elanna nodded, slipping out behind her. Silently, they edged their way down the hallway of closed doors, eyes and ears tuned to the holographic world around them. Of course, Seven's hearing is Borg enhanced, as well as B'Elanna's for being half Klingon, so when the doorknob to their right began to turn to open, they heard it long before Kathryn.

"HIDE!" B'Elanna forced out in a hoarse whisper, grabbing Seven's arm and yanking her towards the still-open door of the nap room.

"Hey, where are you two going-?!" Kathryn demanded, watching them dart away from her.

"Now, how did you three get out here?" A new, louder voice boomed down the hallway.

Kathryn squeaked in surprise, whirling around to see a tall female attendant standing in a newly opened doorway. Though her cheerful smile and bright green eyes made the tall brunette guard appear friendly, the Captain felt that her intentions were not quite so nice- and not one of them had any time today for a time-out. "Oh, sh-!"

"Come on, Kathryn!" Seven sprinted back to Kathryn's side, grabbing the older woman by the arm, and yanking her back towards where B'Elanna was hopping anxiously in the nap room doorway.

Before the guard could catch up to them, B'Elanna had grabbed Kathryn's other arm, and pulled the other two after her to run down the hallway. "Cheese it!"

"What does that mean?" Seven yelled.

"MEANS RUN!"

"OH!" Seven shoved Kathryn ahead of her. "I AM!"

The three dodged around the end of the hallway, and then around the entranceway desk. B'Elanna paused, the other two running ahead, and pushed over the wastepaper basket with a grunt, spilling balled up bits of scrap paper across the floor. She yanked the curly phone cord hanging over the edge of the desk so that it, too, fell into the floor.

Seven paused to look back. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

B'Elanna shot off after her. "SLOWING THE GUARD DOWN!" As they both glanced back, the tall attendant merely stepped over the phone and trashcan, continuing on after them without a thought. "FUCK! RUN!"

Kathryn was already at the edge of the bed when the other two made it, trying to jump up to reach the edge of the wooden box frame. "I need a boost!"

Seven and B'Elanna both grabbed Kathryn's arms, using their combined strength to literally throw her up and onto the bed. She landed in an awkward bellyflop with a grunt before sloshing her way back to the edge to peer down. Seven took a few steps back, sprinted, and then jumped up to the edge, grabbing onto the wood with her Borg-enhanced left hand, and grabbing Kathryn's outstretched hand with her right. Quickly, she shimmied her way up before both women turned back to help B'Elanna.

"Jump!" commanded Seven, holding her silver-laced hand out to the half-Klingon. When B'Elanna grabbed her by the wrist, she began to haul her up.

"Almost!" Kathryn pulled Seven around the waist, helping her heft up B'Elanna.

"Gotcha!" Just as B'Elanna's head came over the edge of the waterbed, the attendant snatched her, lifting her beneath the arms up into the air. Beneath her, Seven and Kathryn held their grip, dangling in the air over the waterbed mattress.

"LET ME GO!" B'Elanna screamed up at the attendant, kicking out with her legs.

"Now, now..." the attendant said chastisingly. "Where did you three come fro-"

"You asked for it, lady!" B'Elanna yelled, twisting her body as she let go of Seven, the other two falling back onto the waterbed. The half-Klingon managed to maneuver herself around so that she was across the guard's arm before leaning forward and sinking her sharp teeth into the skin near the woman's elbow. The guard let out a pained squeak, dropping B'Elanna onto the bed to clap a hand over her bleeding arm.

B'Elanna landed on top of Seven and Kathryn, the waterbed jiggling wildly with the impact. The jiggling, along with the disorienting feeling of the holodeck switching programs rapid fire had all three women flailing for a heartbeat until they reached equilibrium back in the boudoir.

"That doesn't get any more pleasant as we go..." Kathryn muttered, yanking her arm out from beneath Seven's back.

Seven shook her head in agreement, yanking her foot back from behind B'Elanna's head. She glared down at the same frilly white sock on her foot from the daycare simulation, running an annoyed hand over the red velvet of the matching dress until she got to the bottom edge. The diaper cover was still in place, but the diaper itself was- thankfully- long gone. She tugged at her other arm holding B'Elanna down, and pulled it back wet. "Has the bed sprung a leak?"

"Why is my leg wet?" Kathryn asked, using a corner of a satin sheet to run over her bare leg beneath her negligee.

"Why am I wet?" B'Elanna asked, sitting up in her hoodie and jeans from the fair- jeans that were dark and wet from her crotch down. "What the fuck?!"

Seven, seeing the stain, recoiled from B'Elanna like she'd been the one bitten. "OMEGA, B'ELANNA!"

"WHAT?!" B'Elanna turned to glare at her. "IT WASN'T ME!"

"Bee, that's disgusting!" Kathryn curled her lip. "It was on my leg!"

"It's on my arm!" Seven yanked a pillow down from the head of the bed and vigorously rubbed her arm with it.

"IT WASN'T ME!" insisted the half-Klingon.

"Gosh, B'Elanna, we knew you had to use the restroom..." Kathryn grumbled, slipping off the wet bed.

B'Elanna looked up at her with wide, betrayed, indignant eyes. "I. Did. Not. Pee. Myself!"

Seven, also sliding away from the wet bedding, gave her a disbelieving look. "Oh, really? Then what is that?"

"JUICE!"

"Where the hell did you get JUICE?!"

The engineer growled, scooting down and rooting around in the bedding around her. After a few seconds, she yanked up Seven's pink sippy cup, sans lid. "THERE! TOLD YOU!"

"Okay then." said Kathryn. "Sorry that we assumed-"

"YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD HAVE PEED MYSELF?! WHAT THE HELL, GUYS?!" B'Elanna asked incredulously.

"Well," said Seven, "It was warm and wet and all over your crotch. What was I supposed to think happened? Magical pee fairies came and blessed you?"

The engineer continued indignantly, "WELL, I NEVER- wait, magical pee fairies? What the hell, Seven?"

"This isn't about me- this is about you and your bladder, B'Elanna Torres!"

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "CHILDREN! CHILDREN! In case you have yet to notice, we are no longer trapped as toddlers- so stop acting like it!"

B'Elanna glared at Kathryn as the jabbed a pointed finger out towards Seven. "She thinks I peed my pants!"

Seven glared at B'Elanna. "Tattletale!"

"Tattletale!" B'Elanna, the height of insulted, nearly dropped her jaw, "Why, I oughtta-"

Finally, the Captain could stand it no more. "ENOUGH!" she shouted, silencing the argument and drawing the chastised attention of both girls. "See- this is exactly why that stupid babycare program thinks I'm already a mother- this is EXACTLY why I didn't want Voyager to be a GENERATIONAL SHIP! Daycare in the cargo bay...someone phaser me, right now!" And with that, she turned and stalked to the bathroom door.

"Hey!" B'Elanna quickly followed her.

"Wait for us!" Seven joined them as Kathryn opened the door, cutting off B'Elanna to be second into the bathroom. Just as B'Elanna was about to yank her back, the floor went out from beneath them. Each woman felt a moment of pure, perfect weightlessness as the world around them faded black before being surrounded on all sides by swirling rainbow colors. Finally, they were let go, each letting out a shriek as they fell from some high unknown to crash down into a giant pit full of plastic balls.

* * *

 **A/n: Please review, we'll both be reading them! :)**


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